Love and Memories
by EClareObsession
Summary: KC Guthrie and Clare Edwards have been dating for a while now. but what happens when KC's best friend, Eli Goldsworthy, transfers schools and finds an interest in Clare? Eli/Clare/KC EClare and Klare - Eli's POV
1. Intro

Title - "Love and Memories"  
Full Summary - Clare and KC are dating and have been for a few months now. But what happens when KC's best friend Eli Goldsworthy transfers schools and finds an interest in Clare?  
Main Couple - Eli/Clare/KC

BTW; Clare's hair is short, like it is now in Season 10.

**Intro**

_New kid at school._

What an obnoxious title. I might as well get used to it. I was entering a new school, at the beginning of second semester. I would be crazy to say that I wasn't a little nervous. I only knew one person from the school, and that one person was KC. KC's my best friend and he's the one who actually convinced me to transfer schools.

KC and I use to both attend the same high school, until he left and went to Degrassi last semester. I didn't have many friends at my old school, to be honest. Besides KC, I only had about three other friends. I didn't mind leaving those friends behind though, they always would act as if they were_ 'too cool'_.

I, for one, never thought highly of myself. I know that people think I'm weird and they consider me a misfit. People always look at me and immediately take notice to my style. They always look at how I'm wearing all black - Black jeans, black shirt, black jacket, black rings. I hated the way people treated and acted towards me. When ever I would pull up to school in Morty, my hearse, people acted like it was abnormal - I know, driving a hearse around is a little weird, but I drove around in it every single day; you would think that people would get used to it and accept it by now. Just because my style and taste in music doesn't match yours, doesn't mean I'm a freak.

I was excited to enter a new school - a new school means a fresh start - and that was some thing that I was definitely needing. I was sick and tired of seeing all the same faces, every single day. Now, I get to go to a new school, and give myself a new title. No one at Degrassi would know my past.. No one at Degrassi would know how messed up my life is.

I didn't plan on any one finding out about what happened in my past and what got me where I am today. I liked to pretend like a lot of the things in my past never happened. At my old school, I felt like I was constantly reminded about what had happened to me last year and years before that. But at Degrassi, KC was the only person who knew about my old life - and he would never screw me over. I trust him.

Tomorrow is my first day. I had mentally prepared myself for the rude comments and looks about my style and car. To be honest, I was almost excited to see how people would react to Morty. No matter how many dirty looks and rude comments I get thrown at me - Morty is coming to school with me every day, whether people want a hearse in the school parking lot or not.


	2. Chapter 1

**clareandeliforever** - So many questions (; Sorry, you're going to have to read to find out the answer to all of them! (: Haha, Thanks so much for reading and reviewing my new story. It really does mean a lot to me. (:  
**EclareTheLovers** - Sorry, I'm really bad at doing first chapters :P Haha. Thank you for reading and reviewing my story, it means so much to me (:  
**ilovetaylorswift13** - I'm glad you like it so far (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I honestly appreciate it. (:  
**Elinfatuated -** Sorry, I tend to make my first chapters short! :P haha. Awwh, remember - always be yourself, and don't listen to people who judge you (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! (: It really does mean a lot to me and to the story. (:  
**SHESAFLOOZY** - (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing; it means so much to me. (:  
**lovingyou333** - Awwh, (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. I honestly appreciate it. (:  
**Broken14yearoldheart** - Awwh! (: I hope you love this story too! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story! (: It really does mean a lot to me. (:  
**RachRox12** - Awwh, (: I'm really happy that you think so (: Thanks so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It really means a lot to me, and I honestly appreciate it. (:  
**EliandClare414** - Yay! (: I'm glad to see your reviewing my new story (: It really does mean a lot to me! I'll try my best not to disappoint! (: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing my new story :P It means so much to me. (:  
**MadameDegrassi-girl - **Awwh, I'm really glad that you think that (: it means a lot to me (: Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing my new story! (: It honestly means a lot to me, (:**  
P** - I'm glad you think it's a great start! (: And I love your thoughts on how this is going to turn out! (: hahaha. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my new story. It really does mean a lot to me. (:  
**TkMomijiOXkisaHiro** - Awwh (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means so much to me and to the story. I really do appreciate it. (:

-Hey, sorry for not updating for the past few days -  
I had my first two finals yesterday! :/ I think I did okay  
though, so it's all good (:

**-PS**; this chapter is a little boring, but TRUST ME - i have this all planned out (: just stick  
with me and next chapter will be much longer. I just really wanted to update. (:

Chapter One  
"For The First Time"

My eyes flickered open to the radio on my alarm clock and the sun shining through my bedroom window. I squinted my eyes and slapped the alarm clock with my hand - successfully turning it off. I knew I needed to wake up; I just really didn't want to.

I eventually forced myself to sit up, as I grabbed my phone from the table beside my bed. The time read - 7:20 AM. KC had informed me yesterday that I should be at school at around 7:40ish, since getting there earlier is always better, apparently.

I pushed the blankets off of me and stood from the bed. I brushed my teeth and changed my clothes.

I was wearing what I usually wore - black jeans, black shirt, black jacket - it wasn't abnormal to me, but I was almost positive that it would be abnormal to all the other students. As I stated before - _I could care less_.

I walked downstairs, and entered the kitchen - where my mom and dad were. My mom was cooking breakfast, while my dad drank coffee at the table. My parents weren't the normal kind. They went to bars every single night - and would some times not come back home for days. They got along very well though; so I suppose that as long as they were okay with each other; I was okay with it.

"Eli, honey - toast or pancakes?" My mom asked, I shrugged -

"None - I don't really feel good."

"Take some thing, though. It's your first day - you need your breakfast." I rolled my eyes.

"I'll take an apple or some thing." I responded. My mom sighed, meaning she was unhappy. I ignored it.

With out taking an apple - I grabbed my back pack and was out the door.

I understand - _breakfast is the most important meal of the day_.. But I could care less, I'm going to eat when I want to eat - not when every one else thinks it's important.

I entered Morty and was off to Degrassi. Most people would feel uncomfortable or awkward about this whole situation; but I didn't. I was used to showing up at school, by myself, in a hearse. It may sound weird or abnormal - it was just the way I was. My past has made me the way I am.. Even if it isn't a _pleasant_ past - it's still a part of me.

I pulled in to the parking lot and turned down my loud music. I parked and looked around - to see at least ten people looking at Morty, like he was on fire. I rolled my eyes and exited the car.

Entering Degrassi for the first time was a little weird, to be honest. I had no idea where to go - or who to see. I had already received my locker number and combination and all of my classes in the mail.

I went in search for my locker. I couldn't help but get distracted by every person in the hallway. I could barely even focus on looking at the locker numbers.

I saw people that dressed and acted like they were "bad ass". I saw jocks who acted like they owned the place. I saw people that would usually be considered "geeks". I saw girls who acted like they were too cool to even be here. Then, I saw a few people who seemed very layed back - and not obnoxious.

I finally stopped at the end of the hall, when I saw my locker - 304. I dropped my backpack in front of it and began unlocking it.

"How's your first day of school?" KC asked me, standing against the locker beside me.

"Decent." I answered; I mean - it's not like school has ever been enjoyable anyways.

"At lunch, you're most likely going to have to sit with my friend Drew and his girlfriend Alli."

"And why is that?" I asked, curious to why he would be ditching lunch.

"I'm going to sit with my girlfriend, Clare."

"When am I going to meet this girl?" KC never stops talking about her, she's like his _obsession_. I've never even seen a picture of her or hung out with her.

"Soon." He answered "I have to go to my locker. I'll meet you in the cafeteria, so I can introduce you to Drew and Alli."

I nodded, and turned my attention back to my locker - with that, KC was gone.

I rolled my eyes. I really didn't want to go sit with a couple, who had no idea who I was. It was going to be awkward. Let's face it, Drew is probably a jock - just like KC. Jocks and me usually don't get along - we never have.

* * *

I entered my second period class - which was accelerated English. English was my only good class, I practically failed every other one. I entered the room and realized there was only two empty seats. I sat down, next to one of the empty seats.

I tapped my pen, continuously, on my notebook. Every one in the class was holding conversations with one another - it was like, every one in this school had a best friend in every single class. People were always talking and laughing - it was quite obnoxious, to be honest.

I was caught off guard when a girl sat down next to me. I turned my head to see a girl - with curly hair, big blue eyes, and pale skin - she was incredibly beautiful. I could barely take my eyes off of her, as she organized all of her books and grabbed a pen from her pencil case.

She turned her head to look at me - probably noticing that I was staring at her. My eyes widened - not knowing how to even make this stare down less awkward.

"Uhm - Hi, I'm Eli - I'm new here." I stated - telling her some thing that she could probably care less about.

She smiled - "I'm Clare." I smiled, and was about to continue the conversation when the bell rang and the teacher walked in.

"Hello every one. Welcome to second semester, accelerated English." She said with a smile "We're all familiar with each other - so, just as a reminder - I'm Ms. Dawes and I will be your teacher for the rest of the year." She continued her long rant about how school was important and as long as we all pay attention, turn in our assignments, and pass our tests - we would be okay.

I zoned out. I kept turned my head just to stare at that Clare girl. I knew nothing about her, but I did know that she was beautiful.


	3. Chapter 2

**lovingyou333** - Awwh, I'm glad that you enjoy it, (: It really means a lot to me. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story, it means so much to me and I really do appreciate it. (:  
**Broken14yearoldheart** - Awwh, (: I'm glad that you didn't think it was boring :P Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. It means so much to me and to my story - I honestly appreciate it. (:  
**EclareTheLovers **- Lmao, (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It really does mean a lot to me and I appreciate it (:  
**MadameDegrassi96 **- Awwh! (: I'm really really happy that you like it so far and that it has potential to be a story that you fall in love with! (: That seriously means so much to me! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. I really do appreciate it and it means so much to me, (:  
**SHESAFLOOZY** - Haha, drama drama drama :P Thank you for reading and reviewing this story. It means so much to me and I really do appreciate it. (:  
**livetowrite4** - Here, I'll explain (: - Clare is a very common name, and Eli has never met or even seen a picture of KC's girlfriend - making it so he has no idea who she is. (: Sorry, if it's confusing :P Thanks so much for reading and reviewing; it means so much to me and to my story. I really do appreciate it. (:  
**RachRox12** - I'm happy that you think it's interesting - and I know, it's a bit weird :P haha, Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. I really do appreciate it and it means a lot to me. (:  
**EliandClare414** - He finds out who Clare really is in this chapter! :P I NEED Degrassi back, like now! Haha. I want to see Drew's story line so bad! Lol, it's going to be pretty funny :P And, I also really would like to see Fitz, Clare, and Eli's storyline! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It honestly means so much to me and I really do appreciate it. (:  
**P **- Hahahaa, it is pretty awkward :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It means so much to me and to the story - and I really do appreciate it. (:  
**clareandeliforever** - Hahaha, (: Poor Eli! :P haha. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It really does mean a lot to me and to the story. I really do appreciate it. (:  
**Elinfatuated** - First impressions are extremely important. (: I'm glad it made you laugh! :P Haha. Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means so much to me and I really do appreciate it. (:

Chapter Two  
"Your Eyes Are The Brightest Of All The Colors"

As I was walking out of my English class, I accidentally bumped Clare; causing her to drop her books. Immediately, we both bent down to pick all of them up - we hadn't made eye contact, since we were both gathering her books.

"Sorry. I'm clumsy." Clare stated, I softly laughed

"No worries - It was my fault." Once I said this, we both looked up and made eye contact. After we sat there for a moment - just staring at each other - "You have pretty eyes." I softly stated - I hadn't even thought of saying that.. I just_ did._

"Thanks." She murmured, smiling - as her cheeks turned a light pink color.

Suddenly, she stood up with her books in hand - "I've got to go. I'll see you around though."

I nodded and smiled - she then walked out.

I sat there, for about another minute, before deciding to leave. I really hope this Clare girl is going to work out for me.

I entered the cafeteria - in search of KC. I figured that sitting with his jock friends - was much better then sitting alone. I scanned the entire room, that was full of students, until I noticed KC standing in the lunch line. I approached him.

"First day going good?" He immediately asked me.

"Yeah it's decent - but I need to ask you about this girl I met -" I began, but KC soon cut me off.

"Can we talk after school? My girls waiting for me." He responded, with a smirk on his face. I nodded, I suppose that KC and this girlfriend of his were really close - she must be amazing; considering the fact that he's practically obsessed with her.

"Yeah that's fine."

"Alli and Drew are sitting there." He informed me, pointing to a couple, who were sitting across from each other - holding hands over the table. I really dreaded sitting with them. I pictured this entire lunch being awkward and just plain weird.

The two looked like they were about to have sex on the lunch room table - sorry, that I wasn't up for witnessing that.

I awkwardly approached the table, and sat down next to Drew - "I'm Eli, KC's friend." I introduced myself.

The two immediately smiled - "I'm Drew" He paused "And this is my girlfriend Alli." Oh, so she can't introduce herself?

"You're new here?" Alli asked. _Clearly._.

"Yeah. First day at Degrassi."

"How's it going for you?" Alli asked - I really didn't want to have a conversation with the two of them; but since their KC's friends - I'll probably be forced to see them a lot more then I would like - So, I should probably get used to it.

"Pretty good - same old boring school." I answered, but I was distracted once I saw Clare standing by a table. She had her lunch in hands and was standing by her seat - looking as if she searching for some one. "Hey, uhm.. Who's that girl?" I asked the two, pointing to Clare.

Alli and Drew both turned their attention to the girl that I was pointing at. Even if I just met these two - I needed to know who that girl was - even if I was asking complete strangers.

"That's Clare Edwards - she's my best friend." Alli stated.

"And she's KC's girlfriend." Right when Drew said that - KC approached Clare and the two kissed before sitting down.

So the girl that I've been thinking about all this time is my best friend's girlfriend.. This could not be more awkward.

"Oh." I murmured - not knowing how to handle this situation.

My jaw was practically on the floor and my eyes were widened. How could I not have known that she was _THE Clare_? How could I have never even seen a picture of KC and Clare? How could I not have known?

I felt like an idiot - I felt stupid - I felt like the biggest dumb ass to ever walk this planet.

I would never screw over a friend like that - and I refuse to.

For the rest of lunch, I couldn't help but feel extremely awkward. I regret asking the two who she was; because I almost feel like they know that I was interested.

* * *

After school, I was walking out of Degrassi - when KC approached me.

"Hey man, there's a party tonight." He informed me.

"What kind of party?" I asked, asking for more details.

"A beach party. Just like fifty kids are going to the beach."

"And you want me to go, so that I can sit there, by myself - not knowing who anyone is?" I asked.

"No dude, I want to introduce you to every one." I wanted to roll my eyes - but I decided not to. I didn't want to meet all of his jock friends, I really wasn't in the mood to - but let's face it, KC was going to force it to happen, anyways.

"Alright fine. You're driving me though." I stated - KC smiled;

"Alright. See you at eight then." I nodded and the two of us went our separate ways.

I wasn't sure if I was excited for this party - or if it was going to be incredibly lame and a waste of time. I didn't know any one at Degrassi besides KC, Drew, Alli and.. _Clare_. Drew and Alli were going to be all over each other, for the whole party - and KC and Clare will probably be too..

* * *

I felt ridiculous - like an absolute joke. I stared myself down in the mirror, I never thought that I'd ever be the type to attend parties or social gatherings. I usually had forced myself to stay close to a few friends - friends that I really trusted. I never planned on opening myself up to people I've never met before - and becoming friends with them. I strongly disliked hanging out with people who I could not trust - or have fun with.

I was new at Degrassi - I couldn't isolate myself from the world for my entire teenage life. Even if I tried - KC wouldn't let me.

I had my usual attire on - of course, I would never dress differently to please the opinions of every one else; I dressed the way I wanted to - whether or not it was considered appropriate.

I made sure I had every thing - _well_, I only needed my wallet and phone. I wasn't too excited to attend this party. I felt like it was going to be awkward and uncomfortable. I didn't know any one besides KC, and even if KC wanted to introduce me to all of his_ 'amazing friends'_, I didn't care. I know for fact that no matter what; this is going to weird - whether KC introduces me to the whole party or if he introduces me to no one at all.

My phone began ringing to the song "Problem" by the Job. I immediately grabbed it from my pocket, opened it, and pressed it to my ear. I hadn't checked the caller ID, but I figured it was KC.

"Outside." He stated, hanging up after saying that.

A one word conversation.. _How obnoxious._

I exited my room, closing the door behind me, I then proceeded to walk down the stairs. My mother and father were out for the night - that was nothing new, to be honest. My parents went out to parties more then I did.

I exited my house, and approached KC's car.

There _she_ was.

Clare was sitting in the passenger's seat - watching me approach the car. I let out a deep breath as I opened the car door and entered the back seat. KC, Clare and me.. Well, this is awkward.

"What up?" KC asked; I could tell that he was trying to impress his girlfriend by the way he was talking to me.

I didn't reply - I flipped my phone open - to pretend as if I was reading a text message or some thing; I really didn't want to play along with KC's attitude right now. Just by the tone of his voice and the facial expressions he was making - I was able to discover that he was one of_ those guys_.. Who did and said things that they would never actually do - just because their girlfriend was present.

It was quite obnoxious actually.

During the entire car ride; there was no conversation - just music blasting. Of course, it was KC's type of music - rap. I was more in to alternative and a little bit of screamo. I never really understood rap and how people became so addicted to it. I never was interested in rap, and I found it to be over-popular.

We pulled up to the beach parking lot and KC parked his car. All three of us exited the car, and began walking towards the beach.

KC walked up to his friends, who were clearly jocks - leaving Clare and me alone.

"You're KC's girlfriend?" I asked, as we walked as slow as possible - watching as KC greeted all of his friends.

"Yeah. Three and a half months now." She informed me.

"That's cool." I answered,

"How about you? How are you and the girls?" Clare asked, smiling.

"I don't have a girl - to be honest." I answered,

"And why is that?"

"I've been waiting for the right one to come along." I said, smiling at her after. She blushed, once again and looked away from me.

* * *

**Review to see the rest of the party!** (:


	4. Chapter 3

**ilovetaylorswift13 **- Haha, awwh I'm glad you liked it (: It means a lot to me. Also, thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It honestly means so much to me and I really do appreciate it. (:  
**lovingyou333** - Awwh, I'm really happy that you think my story is different and that you enjoy it. (: I really really do appreciate it; thank you (: Also thanks for reading and reviewing. It means so much to me and to my story; I seriously appreciate it so much! (:  
**Elinfatuated** - I also dislike rap! Alternative is my favorite kind of music, ever! (: Degrassi needs to come back on like.. Now! Hahah (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story; it means so much to me, and I really do appreciate it. (:  
**RachRox12 **- Hahaha, (: I really am happy that you like it - it means much to me (: Thanks so so much for reading and reviewing this story. I really do appreciate it; it means so much to me. (:  
**SHESAFLOOZY** - Hahaha, you're going to have to read to see what happens at the party (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It honestly means so much to me and I really do appreciate it (: Thank you (:  
**clareandeliforever** - Haha, awwh sorry /: No worries! - here's the rest of the party :P Thank you so much for reviewing and for reading. It means so much to me and to the story - I seriously appreciate it, so much! (:  
**EliandClare414** - I'm so sick of seeing the same old Degrassi promo! I need a new one; that shows more Eli and Clare! Haha, (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It really does mean a lot to me and I appreciate it a lot. (:  
**EclareTheLovers** - Haha, you're going to have to keep reading to see if they kiss or not (: Thanks so so much for reading and reviewing my story. I really do appreciate it - and it means a lot to me and to my story. (:  
**No Name** - Will do, :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It means so much to me and I seriously appreciate it so much! (:  
**SommerSky **- Awwh, I'm really happy that you like it (: That means so much to me. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It honestly means so so so much to me and I seriously appreciate it. (:  
**LoveGurl5231** - Awwwh, (: That honestly means so so so much to me and I really am happy that you think that. (: Thank you so much! Also, thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story - it really does mean a lot to me and I seriously appreciate it so much! (:  
**ILoveEliG** - Awwh, (: I'm glad you like it :P Thanks so so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means so so much to me and to the story. I seriously appreciate it so much! (:  
**Broken14yearoldheart** - (: I'm glad that you think it was :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story - I honestly appreciate it and it means a lot to me. (:  
**mrseligoldsworthy27** - Hahaha, you're going to have to wait and read (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It means so so much to me and I really do appreciate it, (:  
**eclairforever** - Here it is, (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It means so so so much to me and I really do appreciate it. (:

**Song Suggestion** - "I Want To Save You" by Something Corporate

Chapter Three  
"I Want To Save You"

From the moment I was informed about this party, I knew how it was going to work out; and trust me, I was right - it sucked.

I was having a decent time, at first, watching KC greet all of his friends; while I talked to Clare. But now, I'm sitting by the fire that some one had made - watching every one talk to one another. People were either making out or joking around. I, for one, was sitting alone.. by a fire.

I didn't want to come to this party - but of course, KC forced me to. He always ditched me the moment that he could. KC always did stuff like this; he always cared for himself over his friends. KC was selfish and I've always known that.

Suddenly, some one sat down next to me-

Clare.

"Hey, why you all alone?" She asked, I shrugged and smirked -

"_New kid at school_ - very uncomfortable here." I answered, she smiled - as did I. "And why aren't you with KC?"

"He always does this at parties."

"Does what?" I couldn't help but be curious.

"He goes off and hangs out with his friends - ignoring me. Then, once all his friends are gone - he likes to pretend like I'm all that matters." She let out a deep breath, "I love him though - even if he does make me mad, at times."

"KC's a good guy.. Even if he is a douche bag some times." Both of us softly laughed,

"KC's great." She murmured, I nodded while smiling.

We were silent for a few moments,

"You know.. He never stops talking about you. You're like his _obsession_ or some thing." I told her, she smiled and blushed.

"I like hearing that, to be honest - I'm always really insecure when it comes to KC. Girls are all over him, all the time. Dating one of the best basketball players has it's faults."

"Yeah, I was never a jock - KC always was."

"You're not a basketball star?" Clare asked, with a big smile on her face. I couldn't help but let out a tiny laugh;

"Not ever." I answered. "I was in to hockey though - I stopped playing this year actually."

"Why?"

"It's not my _style_."

"And what is _your style_?"

I couldn't help but smile; I could barely even put together a reply. She had me so lost in the conversation, we were going back and forth as if we had known each other for years..

"Well.. _My style_ believes that you should be with the ones you love; rather then wasting your time, playing sports, that you barely even enjoy."

Clare's straight face slowly transformed in to a smile. "Finally, some one who has a style that makes sense."

I smiled and looked over at the fire. I couldn't stop myself from continuously smiling. I wasn't even capable of forcing myself to put a straight face on for a moment. Suddenly, KC's voice echoed through out my ears.

"Clare, come here." He murmured, with a smirk on his face.

"I'll talk to you later." Clare quickly said to me, with a smile on her face, before getting up and going to KC.

I sat there in silence, for a moment or two before I heard an unfamiliar voice.

"You got dragged here too?" I looked to my side to see a guy sitting across the fire. He had medium length brown hair, and he seemed pretty short.

"Yeah, friends don't always know whats best." I replied "Your friend drag you here too?"

"No." He paused. "My brother did."

I smiled and let out a small laugh; "You go to Degrassi?"

"Yeah, do you?"

"Yeah. Today was my first day actually."

"Yeah, your first day of_ Hell_." He replied, I laughed once again "I'm Adam Torres."

"I'm Eli Goldsworthy." I stated.

"Who's the friend who dragged you here?"

"KC."

"You're friends with KC?" He asked, immediately - I'm going to guess he knows KC.

"Yeah. We're really good friends actually. You know him?"

"My brother hangs out with him all the time."

"Who's your brother?" I probably would have no idea who he was, but my curiosity convinced me to ask the question.

"Drew."

"Is that the guy who's dating Alli?" I asked, maybe I did know him.

"Yeah," He answered "How did you know that?" I can see the future?

"KC made me sit with your brother and his girlfriend during lunch, since KC was all over his girlfriend Clare."

"To be honest, Clare's cool - but KC's a jerk." Anyone could see that.

"Why do you think that?" I asked, I knew the answer - KC was just a jerk, but he was my best friend, I just have my doubts about him sometimes.

"KC acts like he owns every one and every thing. He can be egotistical." I let out an extremely small laugh, one that I wasn't able to hold in. Two people have told me completely true things about KC tonight; one of them was his girlfriend - and the other person was his friends brother.

I usually will always stick up for my friends - I can name millions of times when some one had said untrue or rude shit about my friends, and I would punch them straight in the face. Violence isn't the answer, I know -_ I'm working on it._

This time was an exception - because; KC was ignoring me and being a jerk - also, what they were saying was true. KC has had a history of being a jackass, even when he doesn't mean to be. On the other hand - KC and I have been friends since I can remember, and unless a guy really screws me over - I don't ditch them for no reason.

Our conversation was interrupted by KC approaching us from behind;

"Every ones leaving, let's go." He demanded, acting as if we all had to follow in his command. I let out a deep breath and stood from the ground, and the three of us made our way towards KC's car.

KC had his arm wrapped around Clare's waist, as he held her tightly close to him. Clare was right - once all of KC's friends are gone, he acts completely different.

Although, if any one were to act like that - it would be KC.

During the car ride, I felt so annoyed. I had been dragged to this stupid party, that I barely had any fun at. KC had done what he promised not to do - he had ditched me for all of his other stupid friends, leaving me to look like an idiot who came to a party that no one invited him to.

I was isolated for the entire night, and it was quite obnoxious for KC to do that to me. As I said before, if anyone were to do this.. it would be KC.

To get off of the_ 'KC sucks sometimes' _subject..

Is it bad to be attracted to your best friend's girlfriend?

I had only known Clare for one day - barely even one day, and I already feel connected to her. She's beautiful, funny, nice, and different. I can already tell that she's different from all the other girls - which is a good thing.

I needed to stop thinking this way though.

KC's my best friend.. I couldn't flirt or try to get his girl..

Even if I really badly wanted to.

* * *

The Next Day.

Second day of Degrassi..

I can't help but dread attending this school. I know, I usually hate school - and I should've known that Degrassi was not going to be an any different - but for some reason, I hoped it wouldn't suck as much.

Clearly, I was wrong.

I walked downstairs, prepared to see my parents - who were most likely having a hangover. I entered the kitchen; parents weren't there. I went in to the living room - parents weren't there. I had already checked all of upstairs; meaning that my parents still hadn't come home from last night.

I never knew how to respond to them being absent for days - a part of me hated it, and wished that they would just be like normal parents; but a part of me also liked it - because I had the chance to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to.

I never threw parties though - most kids usually would when their parents were so careless - but I was never in the _"party crowd"_. Most people who attend and throw parties are more social then I am.

Instead of throwing parties and doing insane things - I just do the same as my parents; I don't come home that night. I go out to a concert or some other place - and I just do whatever the hell I want. Although, when my parents are home, they could careless what I do.. I just feel safer when they aren't home and I do some thing that might be considered _'bad_'.

I grabbed my backpack and car keys; I was out the door._ My destination_; Degrassi - which was a place that I have already come to dislike.

I didn't mean to be so disturbingly harsh on a school that I've only attended for six hours.

As I pulled up to Degrassi, I prepared myself for the stares and comments - I had already was _'welcomed'_ yesterday by every ones responses to Morty.

Apparently, people still aren't used to my hearse.

I parked and glanced around to see many people staring down Morty. It's a car - _not a dragon._

Just as before, I ignored every one and entered Degrassi. Whenever people were treating me like I was some sort of freak or some thing.. I would just play it off as if I had no idea they were all staring me down - I always acted like every thing was okay and nothing about me was abnormal. Pretending like every thing is normal is usually the better thing to do.

I approached my locker, and opened it - I threw my backpack and books inside. I was mentally prepared to begin the school day.

As I organized all of my books for my first few classes - I was distracted by two familiar voices. I turned my head to see KC and Clare walking down the hall together; KC's arm around Clare, with her holding his hand. I rolled my eyes, and turned my attention back on my locker.

No one wants to see you two all over each other in the halls. Degrassi is a school - not your bedroom.

"Eli." KC called out my name, grabbing my attention. As much as I didn't want to, I turned my head to face KC and Clare, who were now standing in back of me.

"Hey" I murmured, not in the mood to deal with him.

"I have to go meet Alli, I'll see you at lunch KC." Clare stated, she then looked me directly in the eyes - "See you in English, Eli." She walked away and I couldn't help but feel hypnotized by how beautiful one girl could be.

"Dude." KC said, noticing that I was in my own little world; I looked back at him - "You going to my game tonight?"

"What game?"

"My basketball game - It's the first game for playoffs." He explained.

"Sure. What time?" I didn't really want to go, but if I had some thing that was really important to me and I wanted KC to go - he would go.

"Eight - it's here." He informed me, I nodded;

"I'll be there." I promised.

"Alright. Good. Can you pick Clare up though? I can't give her a ride because I have to be here early." KC asked.

"Sure.. I'll drive Clare."


	5. Chapter 4

**clareandeliforever **- I'm glad that you like where this is going :P I also am really happy that you like the way that I express Eli's thoughts (: It really means a lot to me, (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story; it really means a lot to me and I appreciate it so much! (:  
**mrseligoldsworthy27** - You're going to have to read to find out (: And no problem! If you review; I'll reply! (: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means so much to me and to this story! I really do appreciate it, (:  
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**Elinfatuated** - Song suggestions are back! :P I just didn't want to use them for the first couple chapters, sorry about that (: and Hahaha - it's Merry Christmas for me, (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means so much to me and to this story - I also really do appreciate it. (:  
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**Mrs. Goldsworthy Baby** - Awwwwh, (: I'm really happy that you like my writing! (: It means a lot to me :P Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. It really does mean a lot to me; and to this story - I honestly appreciate it so much! (:  
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**Reader** - I apologize for using dashes too much, it's just the way I write. I don't mean to make you upset or anything - I just can't change the way I write /: I hope you can continue reading my story (: Thank you for reading and reviewing my story; it means a lot to me and I really do appreciate it.  
**MadameDegrassi-girl **- Hahah, awwh it's okay! (: I always have blonde moments - so I see where you're coming from :P Haha. I'm really happy to see your reviews again! (: Thanks so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It really does mean a lot to me and I appreciate it so so much! (:  
**EliandClare414** - Haha, wellllll- you're going to have to read to see how long it takes! :P Lmao. I did have a good Christmas (: How was yours? Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story; it means so so much to me and I honestly appreciate it a lot! (:

**Song Suggestion** - "Brace Yourself" by Ellis

Chapter Four  
"Brace Yourself"

I entered Morty - extremely nervous, unknowing of my next move. I had put this entire situation in to consideration; I was picking up my best friends girl friend.. and we were going to be all alone, in a car. I, for one, didn't want any thing to happen. I always picked my friends over girls. I wasn't willing to throw away me and KC's long friendship for a girl I barely even know.

KC had given me Clare's number - so that I was able to text her when I was on my way to her house. I decided to hold off texting her, until I arrived at her house. Her house was only a few blocks away from mine - three blocks actually - which makes it extremely convenient.

I began driving, I turned on one of my mix CD's, that an old girlfriend had given me.. - and the song "Problem" by the Job, took over all the silence that I had previously created. I suddenly stopped and parked Morty, at the side of a road.

I was parked in front of Clare Edward's home.

I took out my cell phone, and dialed her number. I know; calling was unnecessary - all I really needed to do was text her. But, for some reason, calling her was some thing I begged my mind to allow me to do.

"Hello" Her voice sounded like all of my favorite bands put together - her voice was just.. _Beautiful._

"Hey, it's Eli. I'm in front." I felt like a creep - a weirdo, for that matter. I had called a girl, that I barely even know - to tell her I was parked in front of her house? I might as well just drive away now.

"I'll be out in a minute." She responded, hanging up the phone after. I closed my phone, and immediately let out a sigh.

**Note to self** - text her next time - calling is too awkward.

My thoughts were interrupted once I heard a front door slamming. I turned my head to see Clare walking down the side walk. She entered the passenger's seat and smiled at me. I noticed that my music was still blasting, so I quickly turned it down and smiled at her.

"You can pick the radio station." I stated, she smiled.

"No, it's fine." She paused; "Your music is alright with me." she smiled after, taunting me with how beautiful she was.

I smiled back and put my attention back on the road that layed in front of me - I figured, that all I needed was to be distracted. I had ran this entire scenario through my head, earlier today. If I were to throw away me and KC's friendship over a girl that I barely even know.. I would be the biggest jackass ever - who is extremely stupid.

Clare probably isn't even attracted to me.

Considering the music was at an extremely low volume - I wasn't surprised when Clare began a conversation.

"Why'd you transfer schools?" _Random question_; I paused for a moment - attempting to put an answer together in my head.

"KC and I went to school together for the longest time; then he transferred out. We were always best friends, and he had convinced me to transfer so that we didn't stop hanging out." I explained.

"KC is good at convincing." She stated, smirking.

I nodded - not responding. What was I supposed to say?

"You know more about me, then I know about you. We should change that." I began "Tell me more about yourself."

"Like what?" She asked, seeming like she was amused by my question.

"_Every thing_." I said, with a mischievous smile after - Clare giggled.

"Well.. My name is Clare Edwards, I have two parents and a sister, my sister has been in Africa for almost a year now, I have no pets, and I am deadly afraid of horror movies and spiders."

I let out a laugh, Clare's laugh following mine.

"Come on! Tell me more.. _deep _stuff. I could care less if your sisters in Africa!" I said, while laughing. Clare laughed harder.

"I'm not an interesting person!" She exclaimed,

"Bull shit." I stated, Clare giggled. "Tell me - what's the craziest, most embarrassing thing, you have ever done." I demanded.

"I've never done anything crazy or embarrassing." Liar.

"Oh come on, Clare, every one has a time where they did some thing with out thinking!" I responded - begging her to let her guard down.

"Well.. There was this_ one time_." She paused, "I can't believe I'm about to tell you this." She murmured to herself.

"Tell me!" I sounded like a child; but I couldn't help it - I was extremely curious. The two of us both had huge smiles on our faces. I've never had this much fun, while I was driving..

"Alli and I had slept over at my friend Jenna's house. We were in the ninth grade and none of us had ever done anything weird or crazy.. So, we decided to play truth or dare." She paused, a smile forming on her face - "Jenna dared me to go streaking around the block. It was midnight, and I went outside - nothing on, and began running. Once I reached the corner of the street.. A cop caught me."

I bursted out laughing, as did Clare. I was on the verge of tears, because I was laughing so hard.

"You're kidding me!" I managed to yell out, through my laughter.

"Not even joking!" She responded,

"And what happened from there?"

"They called my parents; and let me off with a warning." She answered, we both continued to laugh. Once our laughing died down - "To be honest, I don't really like basketball.. Do you want to just go to the Dot and hangout?"

"Yeah." I answered, without thinking it through.

Clare and I made our way towards the Dot - completely blowing off KC's big game..

I know, this is completely wrong - and I'm being a huge asshole.

But it was **her** idea.

* * *

"There is no way that you can!" She argued,

"I can! I'll show you!"

"So you're going to do a back flip in the middle of the Dot?" She asked,

"If that's the only way to prove that I can do a back flip!" I responded. She laughed,

"No, it's okay - I believe you." She stated, with a smile on her face.

"Can you do a flip?" I asked, raising my eyebrows

"I can barely do a cartwheel!" Clare replied, the two of us laughing after.

Clare and I had been at the Dot for about two hours now - and we were continuously laughing and telling funny stories to each other; we would occasionally calm down and have a normal conversation, but one of us would eventually say some thing that would make the other burst out in to laughter.

I can't remember the last time that I laughed this hard.

Suddenly, Clare and my good time was interrupted by a male's voice,

"Glad that I found you here - instead of my game." We both turned our heads, to see KC standing there. He had his basketball shorts, jersey, shoes and jacket on; he also had his basketball bag in his hand. His facial expression proved that he was extremely upset and angry.

_Fuck._

"KC." Was all Clare managed to say; her cheeks were a bright pink color - and her mouth was opened, as if she was at loss of words to say.

I was speechless - my jaw was practically laying on the floor. I had no idea how to say sorry, or how to lie, or how to even respond to his presence. He looked as if he wanted to punch both of our faces in - I don't blame him; he had just walked in to his girlfriend and best friend, having the time of their life's, when they're supposed to be at his big game.

"How was your game?" I asked, saying whatever I could to break the awkward silence.

_How was your game? _That was the worst question to ask..

"You would know.. If you were there." Ouch. "So, you two decided to miss the game, that means the world to me, so that you could _'get to know each other better_' at the Dot, alone?" He was more then mad.. He looked like he was on the verge of kicking my ass.

"No KC" I spoke out. I have to think of a lie _fast_ - "Morty was having car troubles - and could barely even drive; we were right by the Dot, so we decided to do our best to park him and just come hang out in here."

"And you guys couldn't just walk to Degrassi?"

"We were thinking that -" I paused, I really was having a hard time making up this lie, "but we decided to call my uncle - you know, the one who owns the car repair place - and he, uhm, he came to fix Morty."

"Oh_ really_.. " KC replied, his tone of voice proved that he didn't believe us at all. "And uhm, how long did it take your uncle to fix Morty?" I was practically being interrogated by a cop.

"About an hour."

"Then why didn't you drive Morty to my game? You know, my game was about two hours.. What did you do for the other hour?"

"Well, it took my uncle about a half hour to get here; an hour to fix Morty, and then we just figured that we had missed a majority of your game - and there was no point in coming for the last half hour." I should be named the king of lying.

"Alright." KC responded, I could see it in his eyes that he didn't believe me - but he had no proof that I was lying, so he had no other choice, but to just let it go.

"How did you do at your game?" Clare asked with a smile,

"I made four 3 pointers, five lay ups, and three free-throws."

"That's amazing." I could tell by the tone of her voice that she could care less how good or bad he did - she was just asking because she didn't want him to be mad at her. "I'm really proud of you." I'm not.

"Yeah." He murmured.

Awkward.


	6. Chapter 5

**clareandeliforever **- Lmao! I love that you laughed so much! (: Haha, and I'm really not sure! I usually have no idea how long or how my stories are going to turn out - I personally go with how I feel at the moment (I know, that sounds really unprofessional) Lol. But, if people keep on reviewing then I'll try to go as long as possible - But, I really have no idea. _Shorter answer_ - I have no idea! Lmao, Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this story. It honestly means so much to me and I truly appreciate it! (:  
**lovingyou333** - Awwh, (: I'm very very happy that you were satisfied with this chapter :P Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing. It really does mean a lot to me, and to this story. I seriously appreciate it, so much! (:  
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**TeamJake1234** - Hahaha, no worries - I rarely ever say Poor KC, but I understand where you're coming from! :P Haha. And, awwh (: It means so much to me that you like it! (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means so much to me and I honestly appreciate it a lot! (:  
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**MadameDegrassi-girl** - Hahaha! Yeah, that was more then awkward! :P Oh and for the_ blondes thing _- Lmao! Yeah! Us blondes should stop dying our hair so much, :P Hahaha. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story! It really does mean so much to me and to this story - I appreciate it a lot! (:  
**eclarelover4life** - Haha; Awwh, I'm so so happy that you enjoy this story. It really does mean a lot to me. Also; thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means so so much to me, and to my story. I really do appreciate it; thank you! (:  
**Tehani07** - Will do, :P Thanks so so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means so much to me and to this story; I really do appreciate it! (:  
**Elinfatuated** - Hahaha; it's okay if you have grammar mistakes or if your some of your sentences don't make sense - I completely understand! (: I hope you have fun on vacation! (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means so much to me and I honestly appreciate it so much! (:

**Song Suggestion** - "Beside You" by Marianas Trench

Chapter Five  
"And The Words You Want Are Out Of Reach,  
But They've Never Been So Loud"

I felt guilty. I honestly felt guilty about the entire situation. I had continuously told myself, over three million times, that I am not allowed to do this. KC is my best friend, and Clare is a stranger. Girls should never be more important then friends; and I refuse to go there. Who knows, maybe Clare wanted to ditch the game because she really doesn't like basketball - not because she wanted to hang out with me.

I can barely read that girl's mind, and I don't think that I even want to have that ability. A girl with such an opened-mind, and such a big heart could barely even compare to KC. KC was the complete opposite of Clare. Clare being beautiful and gentle - KC being a jerk and egoistical.

I really need to stop bad mouthing my friends - KC doesn't deserve my harsh words thought about him. KC has barely even done anything wrong to me; and for me to be expressing my feelings of how much of an asshole he can be, isn't fair.

I need to find another girl. I have to get all these thoughts about Clare out of my mind - I need to act as if she has no meaning to me, that I never felt a connection and I barely even think of her. I need to get my mind off of her - I need to get distracted by another girl. Although, I don't want to get involved with some girl at Degrassi that I don't know..

I just.. I just don't want to to hurt some one who is considered my best friend. I _refuse_ to hurt some one who is my best friend. I already had caused him frustration tonight; and I need to make sure that tonight is the last night that I cause him anger, over a girl.

* * *

I entered my English class;

Today was my third day attending Degrassi - Only three days here, and I've already caused trouble. It's not hard to believe though; where ever I go.. _Trouble follows_.

I sat down in my regular seat, seeing that Clare hadn't arrived to class yet. I suddenly saw another familiar face enter the class room. He sat down in the seat behind Clare,

"Hey." He murmured, it was Adam - the guy I had met at the party.

"Hey." I responded; I feel like this Adam guy doesn't have many friends - whenever I see him in the halls, he's alone or with Drew. He seems like a cool guy and I definitely would hang out with him, if he asked me to - but I almost feel as if I'm forced to be friends with whoever KC is associated with.

We sort of ignored each other after that - making friends can be incredibly awkward at points - especially when you're a boy. I always felt awkward making_ 'small talk'_ with some one that I don't know. I could be having a conversation with a murderer for all I know.

Clare entered the classroom, staring at her feet as she approached her seat - she sat down and smiled at me.

"KC is _not _happy." She stated, I rose my eye brows -

"What did he say?"

"He ranted on and on about how embarrassing it was for him to look for me after the game - and have all of his friends realize that I had ditched his game. He also said that he doesn't like me flirting with other boys - I argued, telling him that it was because your hearse broke down - but he continued to believe what he wanted to believe." She explained,

"Are you guys back to normal now?"

"No, I stormed off - I was angry, because he kept talking to me like I was a little kid." She sighed, "I really hate fighting with him, but he just aggravates me, because he's so stubborn."

"That's KC for you." I murmured, "Don't worry, Clare, I'll talk to him and I'll make sure he understands that I have no interest in you - and you have no interest in me."

"Please do." She replied, smirking after, "Sorry that I got you in to this mess. If I knew that skipping the game was going to get us in this much trouble.. then I would of just said to attend the game."

"No worries - to be honest, I didn't really want to go either." I replied, smiling after. She smiled back - but our conversation was ended by the bell ringing and the teacher entering the room.

* * *

I was walking towards the lunch room - I had plans to talk to KC and explain to him that I wasn't trying to_ 'steal his girl'_. I didn't want to cause any more trouble, then I already had - I especially didn't want to cause trouble with KC, considering the fact that he is my only friend here, at Degrassi.

I saw him walking down one of the hallways, that was close to the cafeteria. I quickly ran to catch him to him, and walked with him -

"KC, can we talk?" I asked, he gave me the most rude look possible;

"No." He answered.

Ouch.

"Seriously dude, are you going to get mad at me over one stupid little mistake?" I asked, grabbing his shoulder and pulling him back - which caused him to stop walking.

"I saw you guys, from the window at the Dot - and you two were laughing and talking like the two of you were the best of friends-"

"But we're not the best of friends. I barely even know Clare, and I don't plan on knowing her anymore then I already do. She's _your_ girl, KC, and I don't plan on changing that. You're my best friend and I don't do that to my best friends." I explained, attempting to convince him to not be so angry at Clare and me.

"If you were my best friend then you wouldn't of flirted with Clare."

"I didn't flirt with Clare!" I exclaimed "I didn't want things to be awkward, so we started a conversation." I explained, "I don't understand the problem with that."

KC rolled his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Clare is a mess right now - she would barely even speak during English and whenever the teacher would call on her - her voice was so low and she sounded so heartbroken." Okay.. I was lying; but if lying is what's going to fix this mess.. then let the lying begin.. "And I hate the fact that you're mad at me, KC - you're like my best friend and I don't want to fuck things up with you over some girl that I have no feelings for."

KC's mouth suddenly formed in to a smirk,

"Alright.. Fine, just.. Don't let it happen again." He replied, "_Never_ again."

"It won't." I promised, smiling after.

I couldn't help but feel relieved that KC had forgiven me - I was actually scared that I had fucked up, but luckily; KC doesn't always suck and he gave me and Clare another chance.

Rule from now on - No flirting with your best friend's girl.

And that's a rule that I have to follow - no, it's a rule that I need to follow.

* * *

I had one class with KC, which was Social Studies. We barely talked during that class, considering the fact that a few of his '_cool friends_' were in that class. He may consider them cool - but I tend to consider them the complete opposite.

I scribbled in my notebook - just attempting to distract myself, considering the fact that I can barely keep myself awake during such a boring class.

I understand the entire '_School is important'_ thing; but I just can't get myself to pay attention and really try. In my mind, thirty years from now - I'm not going to care about the grade I got on my World History test.

I suppose I should think more positively about school - but let's face it, I don't really think positively about too many things; I don't plan on making school an exception.

"Every one - get in to groups of three, and read chapter twenty-six. Don't think that this is social hour - I will be quizzing you on the material." Our teacher stated, as she took a seat at her desk.

I turned my head and saw that KC was motioning for me to join his group with Drew.

I nodded, and approached the two, sitting in the empty seat.

"Listen, tonight - Clare, Alli, Drew and me are meeting up." KC began "We want you to come, and we found the perfect girl to hook you up with."

"And who is this so-called perfect girl?" I asked, I didn't really want to be set up right now. I was comfortable where I was - crushing on a girl who I couldn't get..

"She's in to your type of music and her favorite color is black." KC added on, attempting to convince me to like her - even though I don't even know who he is explaining.

"Who is she?" I restated my question, a bit annoyed by his over-detailing.

"Her name is Ellie." Drew stated - joining the conversation.

"Firstly - your names are practically identical!" KC added,

"She always wears all black." Drew stated,

"She loves screamo bands and alternative music."

"She is extremely sarcastic."

"And she's _extremely_ pretty." KC finished the back and forth details that Drew and him were stating.

"I don't even know this girl." I responded,

"We just told you all that you need to know." KC replied.

Some thing told me that KC wanted me with this girl so bad so that he didn't have to worry about me and Clare.

"Are you even friends with this girl? You told me that people, that are in to the same things that I am, are weird." I didn't mean to 'reject' this Ellie girl, like it may seem - but I didn't want to be pushed in to a date with a complete tranger.

"We aren't friends with her - but I've seen Clare talk to her millions of times - I'm sure that if I asked Clare to, she would talk to Ellie for you." KC stated. Maybe I don't want Clare to talk to her for me..

"Okay fine." I agreed, although the tone of my voice proved that I really didn't want to take part in this set up.

I didn't need KC's help or approval of a girl. I wanted to find and fall for a girl that I wanted. I didn't want KC searching for a girl who is '_my type_'. I don't want to sound over-dramatic, but I definitely was annoyed by KC claiming that me and this Ellie girl are perfect because we both like the color black and alternative music. Sure, those little things can count - but they don't always count. For example, Clare is nothing like me - our taste in music, colors and clothes couldn't be any more different.. but for some reason.. I can't help but fall for her.

* * *

I knocked on KC's front door - we had decided to have our little hangout at KC's house, since both of his parents were out for the night. I was extremely happy about this, considering the fact that I feel very comfortable at KC's and if I wasn't in to this Ellie girl, I'd be able to find a quick escape, by going upstairs and hiding out in KC's room for the rest of the night.

I didn't mean to reject the idea of meeting a new girl, so quickly, I was just easily annoyed by this entire situation.

KC opened the door, smirking at me; without saying a word, he moved aside - giving me room to enter his home. I walked in and saw every one socializing, with music playing in the back round. It was some 'radio song' that I obviously didn't know - I never know these types of songs.

I scanned the room - seeing Drew, Alli, Clare, and some red head. I'm going to guess that the red head is Ellie - also known as, the girl that they're trying to set me up with.

Surprisingly, she is extremely pretty. I had previously assumed that she would be okay looking and that she would despise me - just because she was forced to come here, without wanting to. But, I will admit - she is very pretty.

"That's her." KC murmured to me, staring at Ellie.

It's clearly her - I'm not that fucking stupid.

"_Clearly_." I murmured, "What do you want me to do?"

"Go say hi" He demanded,

"And that won't be awkward at all." I sarcastically responded,

"Listen, she knows that she's here to meet you - and you know that you're here to meet her; so let's stop acting like we're in kindergarten and just talk to one another." Alright KC, being pushy isn't annoying or anything...

Ellie was isolated from the crowd, she was sitting on the end of the couch, playing with her phone - as the others talked and laughed about insignificant things. I honestly felt a little bad, considering the fact that she was all alone. Even if I felt awkward about it, I knew that I needed to go talk to her. I refuse to allow some girl to have her night wasted, just because I was being a douche bag.

I approached her, and sat down next to her.

"Hey." I paused, this is too awkward.. "I'm Eli."

Her head looked up, from her phone, and made eye contact with me. I wasn't expecting her to - but she smiled.

"I'm Ellie." She stated, "I'm supposing that you're the guy that every one has been pushing on me all this time?" She said, with a big smile on her face.

I smiled - "And I'm going to assume that you're the girl that every one has been telling me is my twin and that I need to meet you?"

"That would be me." She said, the two of us laughing after; "I barely even know KC or Clare or Drew and Alli. I was caught off guard by all of this."

"Sorry, I didn't mean for you to be weirded out or anything.. I'm new at Degrassi and KC seems to really want me to fit in and be happy."

"It's okay." She replied, "At least you're here now - I've isolated myself from every one this entire time. I was so annoyed of the music and the stupid stories and conversations that I needed to just be alone for a while."

"Yeah, this music isn't my type either - although, I don't mind the conversation." I admitted,

"I suppose the conversation isn't that bad, but it isn't interesting if you ask me." She explained, "I dislike hearing about how KC made the winning shot at the last second - Jocks really oughta get over themselves."

She was very opinionated; luckily, a lot of the things she said - I completely agreed with.

"Couldn't agree more." I responded,

* * *

-**CLARE'S POV**-

My eyes were glued to the two. I stared at them as if they were a movie - my eyes could barely leave them as they smiled and laughed at one another. They don't even know each other - how are they already being so flirty and laughing so much? Did Eli do this to every girl?

_Shake it off, Clare_ - You have a boyfriend; Eli means nothing to you.

KC and I like each other so much, and I wouldn't leave him for all the money in the world. The two of us fit together so well, we always get along and we understand one another. Whenever I have a family problem or just any problem, for that matter, I go straight to KC - I can't even think of sharing my personal secrets and problems with any one else.

Eli's cute - and funny, nice, charming, and smug - but in a good way. I will admit that Eli is extremely attractive and I have made some sort of.. Connection with him. But, on the other hand, I barely even know the guy - he seems to have all these secrets and he's very mysterious.

Sure, when you see a mysterious man in a movie; it's interesting - but once you meet one in real life, it's a lot more difficult then you would believe.

Another thing is - Eli is KC's best friend, and I could never do that.

I could never hurt KC the way that I had previously been considering. I began liking Eli, I will admit that, but I love KC. Liking and loving some one are so extremely different, and I wouldn't dare throw away all that KC and I have worked on, just to try to begin some thing new with a guy that I barely know.

Eli could practically be considered a stranger to me. We haven't even known each other for that long, and I refuse to care about him as much as I am starting to.

There's just some thing about the way that him and Ellie are talking that is making me so angry - so jealous. I felt a fit of rage building up in my veins and all I wanted to do was go over there and take Eli's wrist - pulling him in another direction.

When KC asked me to ask Ellie to come tonight - so that she could meet Eli - I couldn't help but have the need to say no. I couldn't refuse KC's request though; he is far too jealous and concerned over mine and Eli's friendship. I'm smart enough to know that I needed to act as if I believed that it was a great idea.

I needed to set this whole thing up and pretend like they were perfect for each other. I know the two won't work out - well, at least I_ hope_ they won't.

_Opposites attract_.. right?

Hopefully it isn't the other way around - because Eli and Ellie are practically identical.

I suddenly felt a hand caressing my lower back, I turned to see KC's face - with a smirk spread across it. I smiled back,

"Eli and Ellie seem to be warming up nice to one another." I stated, seeing if I could receive any opinion from KC

"Yeah. You did really good, setting them up with each other - Eli really needs a girl, and Ellie is the most perfect one for him." No she's not.

"I know - the two are practically twins." I replied, smiling after. "But don't opposites attract, rather then identicals?" I know that the way I was discussing the two, might cause KC to grow suspicious, but I just didn't care - I wanted some one to inform me that the two didn't have a spark.

"Not always. You and I are very alike and look at how in love we are." He replied. Love? That's too strong of a word to describe me and KC. We were more.. _Sort of_ loving each other. I know, I always say that I _'love'_ KC, but it's just my way of stating how much I like him.. Maybe, I should start choosing my words more wisely..

"Yeah." I murmured, "I suppose you're right."

No.

He is incredibly and completely wrong.

"I'm going to go get a drink from the kitchen." I stated, finding an excuse to get away from KC.

I entered the kitchen, and sighed. I really needed to stop thinking so intensely about every thing. I over-analyze every last thing that occurs. I always am too sensitive and I fall too hard and too fast for boys. I needed to forget Eli and remember KC.

I grabbed a glass from the cabinet and grabbed some orange juice from the refrigerator. As I poured my orange juice, I heard a voice behind me - one that belonged to a man. His voice sounded so beautiful - it sounded like the most beautiful song.

A voice that beautiful had to belong to..

Eli.

I turned my head around to see Eli standing closely behind me, we stood face to face - and I felt myself losing my breath, as my thoughts scrambled all around my brain,

"Huh?" I responded, not knowing what he had previously said, he smirked -

"_I said_ - how's KC tonight? Acting like a gentleman, I hope." He asked. For a boy that I have only known for a few days - he was so easy to talk to. Talking to Eli, felt like talking to some one I had known since I was four. He just listened so well and he knew exactly how to respond.

"Oh - you know, he's being.. _KC_." I said, raising my eyebrows - Eli softly laughed, looking down at his feet; breaking our strong eye contact that I have grown to love. With KC, he never would dare stare me in the eyes, he'd always look away or down - he acted as if looking me in this eyes was unbearable. "How's Ellie?" I said, smiling after.

"She's.. _Cool._" Eli awkwardly answered, I was hoping he'd say _'She's annoying and I hate her'_, but he didn't..

"I really hope you two work out - you guys look really cute together." Lies.

"Yeah." He murmured, "I'm going to get back in there - so people don't think we're having sex in here." He joked - I couldn't help but giggle.

He exited the kitchen - entering the room filled with people. I let out a deep sigh and looked up at the ceiling.

Why was I having these thoughts? Why was I thinking of Eli, as if he was my boyfriend? I didn't want him. I couldn't have him. I refuse to think about Eli, the way I should be thinking about KC. I needed to find a way to focus all my attention on KC, rather then Eli.

Hopefully; this will all work out in the end.


	7. Chapter 6

**Ilovetaylorswift13 – **Yeah, Ellie is supposed to be Ellie Nash. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It honestly means so much to me and I appreciate it a lot! (:  
**twilightwolfpup4ever** – Awwh, I'm glad that you like it, and they are perfect for each other! (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means so much to me and to this story; I appreciate it so much! (:  
**lovingyou333** – You'll have to wait and read (: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing my story. It honestly means so so so much to me and to my story. I appreciate it a lot! (:  
**Eli's Girl** – Awwh, (: it means so much to me that you like my writing. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means so much to me and I appreciate it a lot! (:  
**Broken14yearoldheart** – Will do (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means so so much to me and I appreciate it a lot! (:  
**clareandeliforever** – Hahaha! That was actually a good storyline, good idea! (: Haha. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the world to me and to this story, and I honestly appreciate it so so much! (:  
**Natsuki Sato** – No worries, the drama will soon come! :P Just trust me. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. It really does mean a lot to me and I honestly appreciate it a lot. (:  
**superfresh** – Hahaha! (: I'm happy that you like the storyline; it really does mean a lot to me (: Also, thank you for reading and reviewing. It seriously means so much to me and to this story and I appreciate it so much! (:  
**Tehani07** – Haha, (: I'm glad you like that! Lol :P Thank you so much for reviewing and reading this story. It seriously means so much to me and I appreciate it a lot! (:  
**RachRox12** – Awwh, (: Thank you for reading and reviewing my story. It really does mean a lot to me and I appreciate it so so much! (:  
**mrseligoldsworthy27** – Awwh, it seriously means so much to me that you enjoyed this chapter; it really does mean a lot to me. Also, thanks so much for reading and reviewing my story. It really does mean so so much to and I appreciate it a lot! (:  
**EClarefan4ever** – Awwh, (: I'm glad that you did. Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing. It really does mean a lot to me and to this story. I honestly appreciate it so much. (:  
**AubreyMarie** – I wanted to do Clare's POV, just for a little interesting twist (: I'm glad that you liked it! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means so much to me and I appreciate it a whole lot! (:  
**L0ve0fWriting** – Awwh, (: I'm really glad that you do. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means so much to me and to this story. I appreciate it more than anything! (:  
**Elinfatuated** – Hope you had fun on vacation! (: You weren't being weird, don't worry! Hahaha. I honestly NEED February, like right right now. Degrassi and Munro Chambers are my obsessions! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means so much to me and I appreciate it so so much! (:  
**E. K. Rico** – Awwh, (: I'm so glad that you think so. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing my story; It honestly means so much to me and I appreciate it a lot! (:

**Song Suggestion** - "I Just Want To Love You" by the Strange Familiar

Chapter Six  
"I Just Want To Love You"

**-ELI'S POV-**

I sat on the couch; Ellie next to me - the two of us in conversation. My honest opinion - Ellie and I were extremely alike; also, Ellie was very attractive and held an amazing conversation with me. But I have one problem with her..

She's not Clare.

"Favorite band?" Ellie asked me; we were playing the question game - in order to learn more about each other, without it being awkward.

"Tough one." I began, "I would say Blink182 - only because it was the first band that was capable of making me laugh and cry." We both softly laughed after I said this,

Ellie's phone went off, with a text message, she opened it - and then looked up at me -

"I have to go." She announced, "I'll see you around though." She smiled at me, and I smiled back.

We didn't exchange goodbyes - or anything of that sort - she just walked out of the house.

A part of me was happy that I had met a new girl, one that I could easily fall for. On the other hand; a part of me wasn't satisfied; because she wasn't the girl that I wanted.

I was selfish. I just wanted Clare so bad, that I was willing to push away a perfectly fine girl. I wasn't going to get Clare - that is the truth. I am in no way capable of getting Clare - and I know that, I keep reminding myself that.. But for some reason, I still go for her. I still talk to her - and attempt to make her smile. As much as I want to accept the fact that I can't have her - I just can't. I don't want to give up already.

KC approached me - filling the empty seat that used to have Ellie's presence.

"How did it go?" He asked, eager to hear how _wonderful _of a time I had.

"It was.." I paused, thinking of a word to describe how things had went; "_Okay_." I didn't have a bad time.. I just didn't have a good one either..

"Oh." Disappointment shined through his facial expression, "You don't have any interest in her?" _I don't remember saying that?_.. Even if it is kind of true..

"Uhm.." How to answer? I have no idea.. "I don't think I want to be_.. More than friends_ with her." I was being harsh. I barely even knew this girl; I just.. I didn't want to lie and say I had an amazing time - because I know that it would get back to Ellie.

I didn't plan on leading on Ellie - if I had to drag feelings for Clare along, with the ride. I had no intentions on playing a girl - I hated players - and I refused to become one. I refused to use girls and act like they're merely there to _satisfy_ me. For example, at my old school, KC was a player. After a year of his bullshit, using girls all of the time, every single girl despised him and wanted nothing to do with them.

That's one of the main reasons that KC left my school - he was embarrassed by all of the gossip and hatred pointed towards him. I never felt bad for KC though - he messed with a lot of girls that I had began taking an interest in; we actually got in to a ginormous fight one time. I was talking to this girl Ashley, who I really liked, we were talking for about a month - and had only kissed a few times - we weren't official, but every one knew that we were practically going out. KC decided to make out with her at a party, that I didn't go to because I had a family dinner, and he bragged about it all day on the Monday following the party. We hated each other for a month straight and almost fought - until one of my other friends convinced me not to - I really hated KC for that time period..

Maybe it's time for payback?

No. I couldn't. I remember feeling sick to my stomach when KC and Ashley did that to me - I couldn't put him through what he put me through. He would hate his best friend and girlfriend.

"I think you should go for her." KC's words broke my intense thinking - of course you want me to for her.. I mean, I understand the fact that you would rather have me go for the girl that you have no interest in, rather than your girlfriend.

"Maybe." I murmured, practically saying that I didn't want to, by the tone of my voice.

"What's wrong with her? Why don't you like her?" He interrogated me -

Because.. She's not Clare.

"I don't know." I paused, "I didn't feel _connected_ with her."

"You just met her!" KC argued, smirking as if he knew me better then I knew myself. If I was interested.. Then I would say I was interested, I don't need you to argue and tell me how I'm _so wrong_ for not being interesting..

"I don't like her." I said, giving him a mean look - he was pissing me off and I didn't want to deal with it. "Why do you care so much anyways?"

"Huh?" He responded, sounding as if he was nervous and caught off guard.

"Why do you care so much about me finding a girl?" I restated my question - cornering him in to answering it. I actually wanted him to admit his jealousy of me and Clare's close friendship.

"I, uhm, I just.." He paused.. Nervous much? "I feel bad for you."

"You feel _bad_ for me?" I asked, raising my eyebrows - confused to what the hell he was even attempting to lie about.

"Yeah.. I feel bad for you." He restated - speaking with more confidence this time.

"Why is that?" I replied - I honestly think he's crazy.

"I feel like.. You're left out of a lot of conversations - because you don't have a girlfriend." KC explained, his smirk afterwards showed that he was very satisfied with his answer.

"Oh." Awkward..

"Yeah.." He murmured,

"I think I'm going to get out of here." I stated; breaking the awkward tension that KC had created by his lie.

KC nodded - not responding..

"See you later.." I awkwardly stated, as I stood up from the couch and made my way towards the door.

I exited the house and walked to Morty - who was across the street for KC's. I was in the middle of the street, when I heard a female voice call out my name - It sounded so familiar; so beautiful.

"Eli!" Clare's voice echoed though out the night air, I turned my body to face her - who was jogging down the front stairs and over to me. She stood in front of me, looking scared and nervous.

"What's up?" I asked, wondering why she had the sudden urge to stop me from leaving.

From the corner of my eye; I saw KC standing in the window, watching the two of us - looking so extremely jealous.

_Did I feel bad? _No..

"Why are you leaving so early?" She asked; seeming as if she was hiding what she honestly wanted.

"Just.. _Tired_." I answered, shrugging, as I buried my hands in my pockets. Clare bit her bottom lip and looked away.

"How was Ellie?" She asked.. She seemed so interested in what I was currently doing; I felt almost honored to have all of her attention.

"She was cool." I paused, looking her straight in the eyes; "More of a friend though."

Clare smirked; "Yeah, you guys seem like you would be great friends, rather than lovers." Interesting opinion, Clare.

I smiled, and let out a deep breath while doing so; "I really did hope that I had found the right girl."

I already had found the right girl.. she's just with the wrong guy.

"It's okay.. You'll find that girl soon."

"Is that a promise?" Flirting was supposed to be off limits.. But I just couldn't stop myself.

"It's a guarantee." Clare responded, smiling after. There was a moment of silence; I had a crooked smile on my face, while Clare had a small smirk on hers. "I should probably get back inside." She stated,

"See you tomorrow." I replied, Clare smiled and turned to walk inside.

I stood there in the street, watching Clare make her way in to the house; I then turned my attention to the window - where KC had once been standing. KC stood there, his facial expression was a mixture of anger, hurt, and jealousy - he was staring directly at me and I didn't know how to respond.

His eyes suddenly took their attention off of me, as Clare walked in to the house.

I turned around and entered Morty.

I began driving.

I had no idea what to think about..

All I knew was Clare had some interest in me..

Even if that could be a bad thing.


	8. Chapter 7

**clareandeliforever** - Haha, awwh (: It makes me so happy that you enjoy my story and the tension will be growing very soon! (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing this story. It honestly means the world to me and I appreciate it a lot! (:  
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**SommerSky** - I'm glad you liked it; and will do (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It honestly means so much to me and I appreciate it more then any thing! (:  
**EClarefan4ever** - Awwh, (: I'm glad that you think so (: Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the world to me and to this story; I also appreciate it more then any thing! (:  
**superfresh** - Here's the new chapter; so you get to see what happens next (: Haha. Thank you for reading and reviewing. It honestly means so so so much to me and to this story. I, also, appreciate it a lot! (:  
**LovinMunro95** - Awwwh, I'm so happy that you enjoy this story and think it's cute (: That honestly means so much to me and I really do appreciate it! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it honestly means so much to me and I appreciate it so so much! (:  
**MadameDegrassi-gir**l - Lmfao! Yeah, my blonde hair dye tends to effect my eye sight too :P Lmao. No worries, my alerts are some times messed up too! (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means the world to me, and to the story - I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**ilovetaylorswift13** - Awwh, (: I'm glad that you like that stuff; it really does mean a lot to me that you enjoy my story. (: Thanks so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It really does mean a lot to me, and I appreciate it so so much! (:  
**Me** - Here's a new chapter! :P And, I'm glad that you like the plot; it really does mean a lot to me (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story, it really does mean a lot to me and I appreciate it so so much! (:  
**ciao2147** - Awwwh, (: I'm so so happy that you like my writing; it seriously means the world to me and I appreciate it so much. (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story; it really does mean a lot to me and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**Broken14yearoldheart** - Oh, trust me, drama is coming soon (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means so much to me and to my story; and I also appreciate it so so much! (:  
**Natsuki Sato** - Well, it will remain in Eli's POV, for now. I do think that I will occasionally do Clare's POV - and maybe I'll even do a little bit of KC's! (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It honestly means the world to me and I appreciate it more then any thing! (:

**Song Suggestion** - "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls  
I know, this song is kind of old; but it's so cute,  
and I can't help but love it (:

Chapter Seven  
"Part One: I Don't Want The World To See Me  
'Cuz I Don't Think That They'd Understand"

I woke up the next morning; I got dressed, brushed my teeth, and grabbed all of my stuff for school. I was so sick of being exhausted and continuously having a headache in the morning. I never got enough sleep - I always would lay in my bed, intensely thinking - or on my laptop. In my eyes, sleeping is wasting time. I feel like the more you sleep - the more of your life you miss. I know, it sounds crazy.. But does anything I say sound like I'm not insane?

I walked downstairs - my parents sat in the kitchen, they were finally back from their _'Late Adventures';_ that's what they had began calling them. I will be the first one to admit that my family is messed up, but I would much rather have them together and completely insane - rather than divorced. A lot of my friends, including KC's, parents have divorced and I've had the ability to see how hard it is on the kids and how sad it is for their family to be splitting up.

I entered the kitchen, and smiled at my mom - who was cooking breakfast, like she always does when she's home. My dad was sitting at the table, reading the newspaper, like he always does.. My parents always did the same thing, every day. I sat down at the table, across from my dad. I had woken up early today, giving me the chance to actually eat breakfast for once..

"Eli, honey, surprising to see you up this early." My mother spoke, noticing my presence.

"Yeah, got a date?" My dad joked, raising his eyebrows. Ever since this.. _one event _occurred.. My dad has been pushing me in to relationships and always asking me if I had a girl; it was obnoxious.

"No, I do not." I answered, "I just woke up early and wanted breakfast, what's so abnormal about that?" I didn't mean to get so defensive, but it was seven in the morning; did they honestly think that I was in the mood for a conversation or an interrogation?

"Nothing sweetie." My mother always gave me those _'little kid'_ nicknames. You wouldn't expect her to be like that; she seems like one of those mom's that barely even knows her child's name, but she always seems to make an effort to prove to me that she cares and that I am her son. Even if a part of me hates her child-like nicknames; I can't help but love them, at the same time.

I smirked, and waited patiently for my breakfast. I didn't really want to go to school early today, anyways. I almost feel as if drama is going to occur, since KC had saw Clare run out to me. I had thought about this all night and how I should even respond to this all. I know that nothing serious can happen between me and Clare, because it would be against all of my beliefs on how friends should act towards each other.

Then again, KC has broken every single law of friendship in the past, barely even saying sorry for half of his mistakes. Maybe it was my time to show him how it feels to be betrayed by your best friend and the girl you like.

"Here you go" My mother murmured, as she set a plate of toast in front of me. I smiled at her,

"Thank you." She smiled, with out replying and went to go make my father breakfast. I began eating, slowly - Honestly, I wasn't even hungry; I just felt bad for blowing off my parents all of the time. I always isolated myself from my family and I know that I need to stop doing that and realize that time is precious and so are people.

* * *

I pulled up to Degrassi, in Morty, and parked my car. For once, people weren't giving me weird looks. I suppose that every one has come to accept my odd taste in automobiles. Maybe Degrassi would be better then my old school..

I walked up the steps and immediately heard an unfamiliar female voice, I turned my head to see that Alli girl, staring at me.

"Eli, right?" She asked. I nodded, unsure to why she was even giving me the time of day. I know that we've hung out a couple of times, but she would barely even talk to me - let alone go out of her way to have a conversation with me. "Hey, uhm, could I ask you some thing?" You just did..

"Surely." I answered, not wanting to be sarcastic to a girl that I knew the littlest about.

"Has.. Drew ever mentioned anything about another girl?" She asked. And how the hell would I know? I barely even know this guy, and you're coming to me and asking me if he's admitted cheating on you?

"Uhm.." I paused, "The two of us haven't really talked about girls or anything of that sort." I looked at how sad she looked, her eyes looked as if they were about to burst with water; "He probably hasn't though; he seems to like you a lot." I didn't want to make her feel bad.

Alli suddenly smiled; "Thanks Eli." With that, she walked away.

That was a little odd.. But I suppose that us being on speaking terms was better then us being completely awkward and not communicating.

I shrugged it off and entered Degrassi. I approached my locker, and began unlocking it. I opened my locker and did my usual morning preparation. I grabbed all of my books for my first few classes and put them on the top of the pile. I then grabbed my first period book and notebook and shut my locker.

I was usually a very unorganized person, who barely even cleaned out his locker - but for some reason, I liked organizing my books - so that I had the ability of getting every thing ready for my first few periods. Once I got my first period book and notebook out, I sat on the floor - having my back leaned against the locker.

"Did we have English home work?" I looked up, to see that Adam guy standing there, with his backpack on his shoulder.

"Uhm.." I paused, not knowing the answer, "I'm not too sure actually. If we did - I didn't do it." I responded. Adam laughed,

"If one goes down.. We all go down?" Adam joked, I couldn't help but softly laugh,

"Got that right."

"This is really random but - Are Clare and KC still dating?" I wish they weren't..

"Yeah." I answered, looking away; feeling awkward about even discussing the two.

"Does some one have a crush on their best friend's girl?" He asked, smirking - practically seeing through my thoughts.

"No" I immediately denied it, "I would never do that to a best friend."

"You know.." He paused, "Drew and I are close - but I wouldn't tell him if you did like Clare - as I told you before, KC's a jerk, so it's not like I would tell him either."

"Well.." I murmured, "It's like.. I don't want to like her - because I know I'm not supposed to." Adam sat down, across from me, "It's like whenever I'm with her, I just want to make her realize that KC isn't a good guy and he isn't the right one. I want to make her kiss me - I want to forget about what every one elses opinions are, and just do what I want. KC has taken my girl before.. Why do I feel so bad for having the need to steal his?" I didn't even know Adam, but for some reason - I trusted him.

"Does Clare like you?"

"She hasn't told me that she does, but she seems to have taken an interest in me, at least. She always talks to me and she seems to be very flirtatious." I explained, Adam nodded -

The bell for first period rang;

"I'll see in second period." Adam stated, second period was English. "And your secrets safe with me." I smiled,

"See you later." I stood up from the ground and made my way to my class.

* * *

I entered English class, eight minutes early. We had a twelve minute time period in between each class - I know, it was an odd number; but it is an _odd_ school..

I walked in and sat down at my desk. There was only about five other people in the class - neither of those people were Clare or Adam.

I wasn't sure if opening up to Adam, about my crush on Clare, was a good idea. I'm scared that Adam is going to screw me over and tell Drew or KC. I don't know Adam well enough enough to tell him my deep secrets. I can't help but regret my decision; but I can't change it now. I won't regret any thing I say.. Well, at least I'll try not to.

Suddenly Clare entered the class, her eyes were red and her skin was pale. She was staring at the floor, avoiding any eye contact with any one. She reached her desk and just stared forward. It looked as if she had previously been crying,

"Clare?" I whispered her name, not wanting to startle her. "Clare" I said her name louder this time,

"What?" She said, her voice sounding like she had been heartbroken - she remained staring forward, it was like she couldn't look at me or some thing.

"Are you okay? What happened?" I felt like I was her father or some thing - being so incredibly interested in her life, made me feel so creepy. I suppose that it was because I really did care about her..

"Nothing." She murmured;

"Clare. Tell me." I demanded, her face slowly turned to face me. She was still crying, as we made eye contact.

"Every things going wrong." She suddenly cried even harder then before, I stood up from my desk, and stood right in front of her's - she immediately stood up and hugged me as tight as possible. She cried in to my shoulder, and I couldn't help but feel so guilty - what if this had some thing to do with me? What if I caused her pain?

"Let's ditch." I stated,

"What?" She asked, as she pulled away from our hug, but remained very close to me.

"Let's ditch - you're in no way capable of staying here."

"But-" She began to argue, but I quickly cut her off.

"Unless you're scared?" I teased her, smirking after.

She finally smiled and began walking towards the back door - I was surprised, Clare seemed like such a.. _Saint_. I never thought she would ditch class.

I followed her out the door.

* * *

**Prepare yourself for drama next chapter!** :P


	9. Chapter 8

**superfresh**** - **Haha, awwh sorry for taking longer to post this chapter! My explanation for the long wait is right under the reviewer replies! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story, it seriously means the world to me and I appreciate it so much! (:  
**SommerSky** - You'll have to read to see what caused Clare to cry! (: And awwh, I'm happy you liked it, that means a lot to me (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means so much to me, and to my story. I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**RachRox12** - Awwh, (: I'm really happy that you like the storyline, (: That honestly means a lot to me. Also, thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It honestly means so much to me, and I appreciate it a lot! (:  
**EclareTheLovers **- You're going to have to read this chapter to see if they kiss or not, (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the world to me, and to my story. I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**clareandeliforever** - Awwh, I hate waiting too - sorry for making you wait /: But I think this chapter will make up for the wait! :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story, it honestly means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**Clare bear 13** - You'll have to read to see if your prediction is right! Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means so so much to me, and I appreciate it a lot! (:  
**Natsuki Sato** - Awwh, it's okay, I understand if you some times forget or can't keep up with my story, it's all good (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means so much to me and to this story, and I appreciate it so much! (:  
**ilovetaylorswift13**** - **Awwh, I'm glad that you liked it, and you'll find out what's wrong with Clare this chapter. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means the world to me, and I appreciate it more then any thing! (:  
**TVIsMyDrug4** - I'm glad that you do! (: Thanks so so much for reading and reviewing my story; it seriously means so much to me and I appreciate it so much! (:  
**Elinfatuated** - I also completely forgot about the song Iris! But it played on the radio, and it made me so happy to hear it once again! I know, I also wish that Eli would really say what he felt on the show more often. Haha, nice chanting :P I'm having ideas about involving Fitz, but I'm not too sure yet. Do you think I should involve Fitz? Anyways, thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means the world to me, and to this story. I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**LovinMunro95** - You'll find out this chapter what happened/will happen! (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing, it honestly means sooo much to me and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**chassidy** **- **You'll have to read this chapter to find out what's going to happen and why Clare is crying, (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story; it seriously means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**EClarefan4ever** - Awwwwh, I'm glad that you liked it (: It really means a lot to me. Also, thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing my story, it really does mean soo much to me and I appreciate it a lot! (:  
**AubreyMarie** - Sorry if I kept you in suspense, I didn't mean to (: And I know! They're supposed to be at school, but they are ALWAYS in the halls for a good half hour? Lmao. Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing my story, It seriously means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**broken14yearoldheart **- Will do (: Thanks so so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means so much to me, and to this story. I appreciate it so so much! (:**  
**

-Please forgive me for not updating!  
My mom is extremely bad with computers, and she accidentally  
broke one of the cords and caused the computer to practically  
break. We just got it fixed today and I made sure to update  
as soon as possible! (:

Chapter Eight  
"Part Two: I Don't Want The World To See Me  
'Cuz I Don't Think That They'd Understand"

Awkward silences seemed to be the most uncomfortable thing to ever haunt me. Whenever I was accompanied by a girl, who I had found extremely attractive, I'd get nervous; and get lost for words. Although, in this situation - I believe that Clare wasn't exactly in the right state of mind to hold a civil conversation, which was understandable - she had just been crying her eyes out at school - I wish I knew why though.

"Pick a station." I stated, breaking the silence that I had been begging to end. Her face suddenly turned towards me; her cheeks were the brightest pink possible, her skin was even more pale then usual, her eyes looked like clean glass as the blue in them brought out her innocence - she looked so broken, so scared, so.. _empty_.

"Huh?"

"You can choose the radio station." I restated, making it more obvious what I was telling her to do. I know, her having control over the music wasn't going to fix what ever she was depressed about - but for some reason, I was just willing to do anything that could help the smallest bit. She smirked, a fake smile, to be honest.

"No it's fine." She argued, her voice was very low and shaky - it was like she had never met or communicated with a human before. Her eyes left my direction - as she turned her head to look out the window.

"Clare." I spoke her name as if I was her father, her head immediately turned towards me - she looked worried, probably thinking that I was about to explode on her. "Just pick it." I said, my voice much softer. I didn't want Clare to feel uncomfortable or awkward around me, I wanted to make her feel as happy as possible - even if she barely knew me.

She nodded; this time, she wasn't arguing. Her hand slowly pressed buttons - as she searched for that one song that would catch her attention. Clare suddenly paused, as she waited to see if she really wanted to listen to this song..

"_Here I was again tonight forcing laughter, faking smiles, same old tired, lonely place. Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy vanished when I saw your face.. All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you_" The lyrics blasted through my speakers, as the silence that once took over Morty was covered by a female voice.

"And what song is this?" I asked her, attempting to make small talk.

"I'm not all that in to country, but Taylor Swift seems to always know all the right things to sing." She said with a smile, the first real one that I've seen today, "It's called _'Enchanted_'."

"I see" I murmured,

"_This night is sparkling, don't you let it go. I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home. I'll spend forever wondering if you knew; I was enchanted to meet you_" I listened to the lyrics, attempting to find out what interested Clare in this song.

"Were you _enchanted _to meet KC?" I wanted to bring KC up, so that Clare would have the opportunity to tell me what had happened, that caused her to cry.

She suddenly rolled her eyes and let out a deep breath - "I don't want to discuss KC and me right now." She said; she avoided eye contact with me - I almost feel like if I were to actually look her in the eyes, I'd be able to tell exactly what was wrong with her. Looking in to her eyes, was like looking in to the future - I prayed that she'd be apart of my future, for that matter.

"Well.. Once we get to my _secret spot_, you're going to have to tell me.. It's only fair - I mean, you interrupted my studies by forcing me to skip class." I joked, Clare smiled.

"Fine." She murmured, with a smile on her face.

I pulled up Morty to an abandoned field. I parked the car, and Clare looked at me - with confusion in her eyes.

"Why are we at an abandoned field that looks like a murderer would bury his victims here?" She asked, even when she was non-stop crying, she still knew how to make me smile.

"I used to go here every single day - from seventh grade to last year." I told her, "I stopped going for specific reasons.."

"_Specific reasons_? And what would these mysterious reasons be?" She asked, seeming very interested in what I was hiding. My specific reasons were very personal to me, and the only person at Degrassi that knows about them are KC.. I plan to keep it that way.

"Uhm.." I became serious; as the smile, that once overwhelmed my face, disappeared - "I don't want to talk about it." I stated, not wanting to sound rude or mean - I just really disliked my past, and I truly wasn't proud of it. "Let's go." I stated, breaking the awkward silence, with a smile on my face.

I exited Morty, as did Clare. We both made our way to the field, we walked all the way to the corner, which was located pretty far from Morty - considering the fact that the field was the size of a football field. We sat down; there was one tree there, I had my back against it, as Clare sat across from me - we were close enough to hear each others whispers.

"So.." I began, "I haven't gone to this place in about a year now - I've actually been intentionally avoiding it.." I paused, "I brought you here, because I care - so I think I deserve to know why you were such a wreck this morning."

She let out a deep breath, as her cheeks turned that bright pink color that it had always seemed to become - she seemed distant for a moment, as if she didn't know where to begin or how to explain what had brought her so down today.

"Two problems." The only two words that came out of her mouth, not exactly giving me too much information.

"What?"

"Two problems caused me to have a break down today." She informed me,

"And what were those two problems?"

"My parents and.. KC." She bit her bottom lip, as her eyes stared at her hands - which were folded on her thighs.

"What happened with your parents?" I asked, I figured that if I were to become instantly interested in what had occurred with KC - she would immediately catch on to my feelings for her.

"Well.." She let out a deep breath, "This morning, as I was getting ready to leave for school - my mother pulled me away to the kitchen, where my father was sitting at the dinner table. My mother and I both took seats, me in the middle, with my parents on each side of me.. My mother looked me directly in the eyes and said.._ 'I love you, and so does your father. Always remember that'_. Once those words came out of her mouth, tears bursted out of my eyes. I knew exactly what was happening. My parents were splitting and there was nothing I could do about it," She let out a deep breath, pausing for a moment, "My father went on, explaining why they were divorcing and how they knew it would effect me - but they were planning to do all that they can to make it easier for me."

I didn't know how to help her out - I had never gone through a divorce, my parents were like best friends, who barely even fought.

"I'm so sorry." I murmured, attempting to come up with some sort of way of comforting her, "I can't tell you that I know how your feeling, because I've never gone through a divorce.. But, I can tell you that every thing is going to work out in the end - whether you believe that or not. You may not know it now, but their divorce might be for the better.. For them, and for you."

Clare nodded, staying silent -

"Do you have any siblings that can help you through this?" I asked,

"I have a sister. Her names Darcy." She told me, "She's been in Africa for about eight months now."

Ouch.

"That's okay." I stated, attempting to make things better - "I don't care if I'm not your boyfriend - I will be here for you through every thing. If it's three in the morning and you're crying and need some one there to help you - I'll always be there. I know, we have only known each other for a short amount of time.. But I care about you," I paused, "_In a friend way_" lies.

A smile formed on Clare's face, as she made direct eye contact with me, "Thank you.. Eli, it means a lot to me."

I smiled, and we stayed silent for a moment or two - "What about KC? What happened with that?"

As much as I wanted to know what had happened - I also dreaded knowing. I had this feeling that what ever happened between the two of them - involved me, which was considerably bad - considering the fact that I promised myself that I wasn't going to ruin their relationship or ruin me and KC's friendship.

"Uhm.." She seemed so extremely nervous.

"Spit it out, Edwards." I demanded, with a soft smile after,

"I was at my locker, it was in between first and second period - meaning that I was getting my stuff for English. Anyways, KC approached me, and I expected a kiss or a cute greeting - but instead, he confronted me."

"What did he confront you about?"

"_You_."

Oh fuck.

"What did he say?" I asked, three times as interested as I was before.

"He began by interrogating me about if I had any feelings for any other guys, besides him. I continuously told him that I was only interested in him, and that I would never leave him for any one else. His argument was that he knew exactly who I wanted, and it wasn't him. I asked him who he thought I was _'in love_' with.." She paused "And he screamed 'Eli' at the top of his lungs. I became extremely defensive, as I argued that I had just met you and we were only friends - I reminded him that he wanted you to make friends, and I was only helping you do so. He yelled at me for what felt like a thousand years. He was mostly saying how he was losing all respect and trust for me, I was slowly breaking his heart and ruining his life." She let out a deep breath, "At the end of his rant, he informed me that I had to do some thing.. He said that I had to cut off all communication with you, and never speak to you again. I complained - saying that it wasn't fair and I didn't want to hurt you like that. He said that if I wasn't willing to sacrifice a friendship for him, that I wasn't willing to go to all lengths to be with him. I just said that I wanted to be friends with you, and I refused to end things out of nowhere. He then stormed away."

"Fuck." Was all I was capable of saying. Clare nodded,

"_I know_." She murmured,

"He's probably so mad at me - he's probably never going to speak to me again."

"Don't worry about KC. He always gets over things."

"But I really don't want to start stuff with the two of you. KC's my best friend and you're really cool, I want you guys to date and I don't want to be the reason why you guys don't."

"As much as I love KC.. He's a lot of work, and I know - no love is easy, but he makes it so incredibly hard." She admitted,

"He only makes things difficult - because he doesn't want to lose you, he wants to make sure that whenever he's angry at you, you come crawling back - begging for forgiveness. KC used to always do this at our old school. By making you feel guilty and upset about hurting his feelings, he feels more secure about how much you love him."

"He's so confusing." She complained,

"Just.. My best advice about your situation with him.. Is to just sit back and see how things go. Don't beg for his forgiveness - because if you do, he's going to continue to do this to you. Just.. Act like you don't care, and KC will come sprinting back - practically begging for you to love him again."

"I'll try." Clare replied, smiling after.. "Now, I just told you two things that practically killed me inside.. Can't you tell me your specific reasons for not going here anymore?"

No I can't. I honestly can't.

"I don't like talking or thinking about it." I stated.

"Can you at least give me some thing - just so it's not a complete mystery?" She begged,

"This place.. It holds more memories then any one could ever imagine. I never knew that an empty field could hold such importance in my life. My first kiss, fight, trouble with the cops, party and where I met my favorite girlfriend, all happened here.." I explained, "This place is like everything important to me.. every important event that has ever happened in my life - is represented in this opened and abandoned field."

"Who was your favorite girlfriend?" She asked..

See this is what I didn't want to explain..

"Julia." I spoke of her name, her name brought pain to me. "She was the most perfect, most amazing girlfriend that any guy could ever ask for. I would do anything to have her back - to change things. She was just like me, and we fit together so perfectly. I was so comfortable, so happy with her - we never fought, we just.. We just loved each other."

"Why did things end then?"

The question I dreaded most.. I was avoiding answering this question.

"Things happen." I murmured, as I felt my heart breaking a little bit more, by each word I said.

"Eli. I'm not an evil person who plans to spread rumors around the school about what ever has occurred in your past. I don't judge - no matter what the circumstances are. I'm not going to stop talking to you, just because of some thing that happened in the past. It's the present now... You can trust me." It was like she wasn't giving up - like she absolutely needed to know what had happened to me.

For once in my life.. I trusted some one.

"We were in this field - this_ exact _field - when there was a huge party, with about a hundred kids. Every one was having the greatest time, when I saw Julia talking to her ex-boyfriend. The two seemed to be having a great conversation, as Julia laughed at every word he said. She had dated this guy for a year, and he was the boyfriend right before me, so I became instantly jealous. I get jealous, so easily, and I made the decision to approach her. I took her by the hand, and pulled her over to a spot, near the street - where no one was located. I ranted on about how much it hurt to see her flirting with her ex-boyfriend, she kept claiming that she had no feelings for him and that she was in love with me; but for some reason, I couldn't let it go. I kept yelling at her - acting as if she had committed the worst crime ever. She had told me that she loved me over a million times, in the fight.. I just never stopped to listen - and that's what I regret the most." I explained.

"And then what happened?" Clare asked,

I let out a deep breath - "She said_ 'I love you more then anything, please stop' _and I replied by saying _'What does love mean, when you're going to run around, acting like a whore'_. That's when Julia began to slowly cry - she told me that she thought we would always be together and that she wanted to marry me. I didn't reply, so she got on her bike and road off." I paused, my voice became shaky, as I relived the worst night of my life.. "A half hour later, I received a call.. From Julia's mother.. She told me that Julia had been hit by a car, and was in critical condition. I've never driven Morty faster then I did that night. I'm surprised I didn't get a ticket for how fast I was driving. I arrived at the hospital, and was seated with Julia's mom and dad. Her dad told me that he was going to be honest - and that Julia had little chance of making it. Her parents were a wreck, they cried so hard and it made me feel so much worse. I've never cried so hard in my life, and I _never_ cry." I paused "The doctors worked on her, for hours.. At two in the morning.. She was officially pronounced dead."

"Oh my God." Clare murmured, as she gave me a sympathetic look. "I am so so sorry, Eli."

"No, don't feel sorry for me.. Feel sorry for Julia.. I took her life away."

"Eli no." Clare interrupted me, "Don't ever think that what happened was your fault. Although, I didn't witness any of this - or even know Julia, for that matter, I know enough to see that you didn't cause any of this. The driver who hit Julia is responsible for her death - not you."

"I feel like I am though."

"Don't feel like that." She looked in my eyes, and I think she realized how much I disagreed with her, because she took my hands and held on to them - so tightly. "Julia doesn't want you to feel like this, she wants you to be happy and to stop feeling so guilty for some thing that you had no control over." Clare paused, "You're an amazing guy.. Eli.. Don't let this bring you down."

"I'm scared that.. I'm scared that if I don't take responsibility for what happened.. I'll begin to forget her."

"You won't forget her, Eli.. She'll forever be a part of you. Although, I believe that her memory will be more comforting if you realize that none of what happened was your fault - Julia wouldn't want you to be miserable; she wants you to cherish her memory."

Her words were comforting. She was the first person to ever make me feel better about myself, after Julia died.

"Thank you.. Clare." I paused, "You're the only person who seems to know how to say all the right words."

"And as you said before.. I'm _always_ here for you." She added.

My heartbroken and hurt facial expression soon turned in to a soft smile, one that didn't show my teeth. Clare smiled and hugged me, I held on to her tighter then ever - refusing to let the moment go. Sitting in my favorite place in the world, with the girl that I can't get off of my mind, holding her in my arms.

We pulled apart; Clare then moved, so that she was sitting in between my legs, with me facing her back - she then layed on me, to where her head was resting on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her stomach - and I felt her hands rest on my arms.

We both remained silent, as if words would ruin the moment.

We were completely silent, for about five minutes when Clare moved, so that she was now facing me, but we were still so incredibly close.

"Eli." She whispered my name, as if she was scared to speak. "I don't know what to do."

"About what?" I asked, interested in why she seemed to be worried.

"With KC." She answered, "My feelings have.. _Changed_ for him."

"How so?" I was almost begging for her to say that it was because she had fallen for some one else - which I would hope would be me.

"He's not.. The only one I like." Please be me.

"Who else is there though? Drew?" I will admit that I suggested Drew, so that I was able to play the '_I have no idea_' role. I didn't want to look like a loser if she actually didn't like me, and I mentioned me having feelings for her.

"No." She was avoiding eye contact with me.. She suddenly looked me straight in the eyes, "_Not exactly_."

With out another word being spoken - I placed my hand on her cheek and it felt like the entire world was silent, as the two of sat there; still as statues.

We didn't move for a moment.. But after staring in to each other eyes, we both quickly leaned in - our lips colliding. Clare's hand was placed on the back of my neck, while the other one was on my cheek. Both my hands were placed on the sides of her stomach. The kiss was so passionate, emotional and.. just plain amazing. It lasted so long, it was as if we were kissing for years.

Suddenly - Clare pushed off, her jaw was dropped, and her cheeks were red - she looked like she had just witnessed a murder. She put her hands over her mouth,

"What am I doing?" She softly whispered, I also was in shock - I wasn't expecting Clare to push off and end the kiss so suddenly.

"Clare - we can forget about all of it" I stated, not wanting to cause drama or any thing of that sort. I softly put my hands on her elbows, but she quickly slapped her hands down - slapping my hands away from her.

"No - No!" She seemed as if she was speechless - loss for words. "Take me home." She demanded, as she stood up.

I didn't move, I was still in shock.

"Take me home!" She yelled this time. I nodded and stood up. The entire way to the car, she walked a head of me - as if walking next to me was unbearable. Had I really gone to far this time? Did I mess up?

We both entered Morty, and Clare slammed the door extremely hard. I turned the radio on, leaving the same station she had previously picked. I began driving. The entire ride was silent.. Besides the radio.

* * *

**-CLARE'S POV-**

The world was in slow motion - as if every thing was taking ten times longer then it usually did. My eyes weighed a thousand pounds, and my heart beated a little too fast; I felt like it was going to pop right out of my chest, and in to my hands.. On the bright side, if it were to pop out of my chest - I would get the chance to look at it and see what is wrong with it.

My bed was so uncomfortable, as I sat up - my back against the wall, and the blankets covering my legs. I glanced at the clock - the time was 6:57 in the morning and I had not gotten any sleep the previous night. I had attempted to shut my eyes and drift off in to some sort of deep sleep - where things would be better - but of course, with my luck, I was unsuccessful.

I had stayed up all night, with out a moment of rest, just continuously analyzing every bit of what had happened. The kiss - the perfect kiss - replayed in my head, as if it was a movie. The way our lips collided and tongues entered each others mouths was just.. Unexplainable. It was the greatest kiss I had ever taken part in.

On the other hand, the kiss was a mistake - a _huge mistake_. I had allowed my heart to play games with my head; which led to my sudden urge to be with Eli. Although, KC is the one I want. I know he is, he always has been.

I flash back to the times, when I first met KC. I remember wanting him so bad - just dreaming and wishing that he had feelings for me. I would always approach him, and attempt to start a conversation. When I discovered that KC had the same feelings - I was in shock, a good shock though. I had never been happier in my life. I dreamt of being with KC, but here I sit, in my bed, at seven in the morning - with out any sleep, just analyzing a kiss.. with another boy.

I was at a loss for words. I was completely and honestly speechless. I didn't know how to feel. I wasn't sure if I should be angry, sad, disappointed, nervous, or.. _Happy_. Every emotion was running through my veins, tempting my heart to go to Eli - or to run back to KC. I wasn't sure which idea to follow.

Eli was so.. smug, sarcastic, funny, charming, comforting, sincere, and _beautiful_.. When I was with Eli, I felt like I can do whatever I wanted. Eli wasn't one to judge, and he allowed me to be myself. He gave me the ability to say and feel whatever I want, with out getting torn down or shut out. I was never scared of telling the truth around him, I was never nervous about how he would respond to my previous mistakes. Eli was so.. Understanding.

On the other hand, KC is some one I'm used to. I feel safe with KC, and I feel like there is no chance that he'll intentionally break my heart. I honestly like KC, he is every thing in a guy that I've ever dreamed of. KC was always there for me, and we knew each other better then we knew any one else. KC never held back from me - he allowed me in to his life, with out having second guesses. KC trusted me with his heart..

I'm scared that I'm about to rip it all apart and stomp on it, until it stops beating.

I've never had such mixed feelings. My emotions were running wild. I felt happy, sad, guilty, satisfied, hurt, and just.. confused. I was stuck in between two boys - ones that I felt close and attracted to.

KC - the guy I've known and liked for such a long time. Or Eli - the guy I just met, but felt immediately connected with.

Sure, it sounds like an easy decision - you would think that I had an idea of who I wanted, but I honestly don't. I would settle with staying with KC, but there's one tiny problem with that..

I didn't want the kiss with Eli to end. I'll admit that now, I wanted to kiss him forever. I wanted to forever be in his arms, sitting in that abandoned field, as we shared kisses here and there - just enjoying each others company.

I remember the moment the kiss ended - the moment that I pushed him off of me. We were getting so passionate about the kiss - we kissed as if it was the last kiss we would ever share with some one. I was analyzing every little action in my head, as I attempted to make sense of what was going on. I replayed every action that had occurred today - that's when KC's face popped up in to my head. The moment I saw KC's face in my mind, was the moment that I pushed Eli off of me.

I stood from my bed - knowing that sitting here was only going to lead me to farther confusion.

* * *

I entered the Dot, I glanced over the crowd - I didn't see any one familiar, which made me feel better about myself. I took a seat in one of the booths, as I awaited the arrival of some one who I felt comfortable with - some one who I could easily admit the truth and my mistakes to them. This person knew how to deal with every single situation, and I was surely in need of guidance - I wasn't going to be capable of deciding my fate on my own.

I tapped my fingers lightly on the table, attempting to distract myself from the wait. Suddenly, I heard the bells on the door ring, ever so loudly, as the one person that I could tell any secret to walked in. She sat down across from me and smiled.

"You seem happy this morning." I stated, I wasn't ready to talk about my decision and the kiss - so I decided to make small talk first.

"I am. Drew and I snuck out last night and hung out together 'till one in the morning. We just sat there, in his car, just holding on to each other. It was so romantic and perfect. I can't believe I ever thought he was cheating - he would never do that to me, especially after last night." Alli explained.

I couldn't help but smile - "I wish I had a boyfriend who did those kind of things with me." I admitted, although I probably shouldn't of brought up the term '_boyfriend_', let's face it.. I might not have one of those for much longer.

"Oh, no worries Clare, you and KC are definitely going to begin doing that some time soon. Drew and I have been dating for a little longer then you two, give it a few months and you guys will be closer then ever." Alli replied, attempting to sound as if she knew every thing about relationships.

"Well.. I'm not sure if I have a lot of time to get closer to KC.." I needed to tell her, as much as it was going to hurt just admitting what I did, I needed to get help and find out what to do.

Alli's smile suddenly faded, as she became confused - "What's that supposed to me?" She asked, I could see in her eyes that she was dying for answers.. I'm not sure if I was really prepared to give them.

"I made a.. _Mistake_" Mistake seems to be the only word to describe what happened. Even though I enjoyed the kiss, if I didn't make the '_mistake_' of leaving with Eli, I would have never got tempted to kiss him - all of these actions that I committed, led to the '_mistake_'.

"Spit it out - waiting is only going to kill me." Alli demanded, becoming impatient.

"I may have - sort have.. Cheated." Those words seemed to feel like the hardest ones to ever say. Admitting that I had cheated - that I, _Saint Clare_, had committed such a harsh and horrible action, just made me feel sick. I was mortified by my actions.

Alli's jaw dropped - "You let me rant on about Drew and me, when you were hiding this?" She seemed to be in shock. I nodded, and Alli suddenly smiled - "I knew you liked him!" Why was she.. _Happy_ about this?

"I don't like him! I like KC! And I made a huge horrible mistake that might ruin every thing me and KC have!" I responded,

"Clare, calm down, why does KC have to know?" Alli asked,

My eyes widened - "Because if he cheated on me, then I would certainly like to know! I would never be able to get over the guilt of cheating, if I don't come clean to him. And what if I don't tell him, and Eli blurts it out and makes me look bad for hiding such a secret from him!" I was paranoid.

"You're so paranoid!" She exclaimed, at least we agreed on one thing, "Eli is not going to tell KC, because Eli would get in trouble too! Eli would probably have to physically fight KC, if he ever found out! There is no way that Eli is going to tell the secret." She argued,

I let out a huge sigh, as I debated back in forth in head, what to do.

"Alright, maybe I will keep it to myself." I can't believe I was doing this, "But you can't tell any one - _not even Drew_!" To be honest, I was scared that Alli or Eli was going to screw me over in this situation. Alli has a history of accidentally telling people things, that were meant to be secret - so what if she were to accidentally tell KC what happened?

"I won't tell a soul. Your secrets safe with me." She promised, smiling after. I smiled back - a fake smile of course, a real smile would be completely impossible at this point - with all the guilt that's building up inside of me.

* * *

Walking in to Degrassi, felt like walking in to Hell. Every one's smiles and laughter felt like they were purposely torturing me - as if they knew what I had done, and wanted to rub their happiness in my face. Just the thought of people knowing what I did was terrifying. Cheating was some thing that I always claimed I was against - I would be disgusted with people who cheated.

I always protested against Alli's old boyfriend - who would continuously cheat on her. Alli would always take this boy back, and I can only hope that if KC were to ever find out - he would take me back and forgive me for the mistake I had committed. Honestly, I don't think he would ever allow me back in to his life again.

I walked to my locker, every step feeling longer and more tiring - I really should of went to sleep last night. I could feel my eyes slowly shutting - me having to attempt to keep them open. I reached my locker, just staring at it for a moment - not exactly wanting to do any _work _right now.

I began to open my locker, overcoming my denial of any work. As I pull the locker lock down - unlocking my locker, I heard a familiar voice behind me. This voice didn't belong to Alli, Drew, or KC..

"We need to talk." Eli's voice echoed through my ears, as he sounded like he was scared - or nervous of what I would reply with,

I turned around - my facial expression was a mixture of emotions; I think it overall said that I was scared and upset and didn't know what to do. I crossed my arms over my chest, and stared him right in the eyes, why must I get lost in his beautiful eyes, when I'm supposed to be yelling at him for ever allowing me to kiss him?

"I don't think that's an acceptable thing to do right now." I stated, attempting to deny any communication possible with him.

"Clare, come on, we both did some thing wrong - why not figure this all out together?"

"No, we can't do any thing_ together_, Eli - I think we've done enough things _together_." I didn't mean to be so harsh or mean about it - but I needed to deny any chance of me being with Eli.

"Clare, stop trying to push me away." He demanded,

"I have to, Eli! We did some thing so stupid and wrong, I can't allow you to do any more damage."

"Why are you blaming this all on me?" His calm voice suddenly transformed in to a angry one.

"Because you took me to the field and you kissed me!" I accused him,

"Don't even pretend like I kissed you!" He defended himself, "You intentionally moved so that you were practically laying on me like I was a bed! You then got up, turned around and kissed me!"

I rolled my eyes,

Maybe I did kiss him first..

"I don't care what you think didn't and did happen - all I care about is protecting KC from getting hurt." I told him, "No one needs to know about what happened."

"I'm not going to lie to my best friend." He replied,

"Eli! If you tell him the truth, you're only going to make things worse for yourself and then for me." Why was I being so.. _evil_? The right thing to do, would be to confess our mistake to KC - but I'm so caught on keeping it from him, that I might screw myself over in the end.

"Fine Clare, if you think that's an okay thing to do - then fine, I'll play along. But if he ever finds out, from some one else, I'll be sure to remind you how much easier things could of been if we had just admitted what we did." He stated, this made me feel even sicker inside.

We were silent - that was until some one approached us, entering our conversation.

"Hey guys," KC stood there, his hands were in his back pockets and he looked nervous. My mouth was slightly opened, I was speechless - I didn't even know how to respond to what he had said, I looked at Eli who looked nervous also.

"Hey." Eli broke the silence, probably saving the both of us from spilling the truth.

"Clare, can I talk to you?" KC paused, "Alone?" I nodded and he grabbed my hand - pulling me away from Eli.

As we were walking, I looked back at Eli, who was standing by my locker - watching us.

KC and I stopped at a random corner, one where no one was. He turned to face me, and held on to my hands, he had a smile on his face.

"Clare, I wanted to talk to you about some thing." He seemed so happy, so excited - I wasn't willing to cut that all down..

"And what would this _something_ be about?" I asked, with a smile on my face - attempting to make it seem like nothing was on my mind.

"I know we fought yesterday - and I had plenty of time to analyze every thing in my head, and I'm so sorry for going _'jealous boyfriend'_ on you." Your apologizing? If only you knew.. "I had all night to think about it, and I trust you so much. You can hang out and talk with Eli all you want, I trust you." He stated.

Poor choice of words.

I just smiled - the fakest smile possible, KC then hugged me as tight as possible - as we hugged, my smile faded.

"I'm so glad we're together." He told me.

* * *

**I know, there wasn't as much drama as I thought there would be..  
****But wait till next chapter, 'cuz that one is going to be crazy (: **


	10. Chapter 9

**superfresh** - Will do, (: Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing my story, like it honestly means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything, thank you (:  
**ilovetaylorswift13** - I'm glad that you liked the chapter, (: And yes, this is an EClare story (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing this story; it honestly means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**LovinMunro95** - I agree with your advice :P And haha, it is very easy to say; hopefully it's just as easy to do (: Thank you so much for reviewing. It honestly means so much to me, and to my story. I appreciate it so so much! (:  
**Nydegrassigir**l - Hahah, no worries - I also love stories where the two cheat on people, in order to be together (: And I'm really happy that you love my story, it seriously means the world to me and I really do appreciate it, (: Also, thanks so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything, (:  
**lovingyou333** - Awwh, (: Haha, I'm glad that you loved this one (: That really does mean a lot to me. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story, it seriously means so so much to me and I really do appreciate it (:  
**Clareandeliforever** - _kissy kiss kis_s is right :P I'm really really happy that you like my story and the way they were thinking (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means the world to me, and to this story. I appreciate it more then anything, (:  
**EClarefan4ever** - Awwh, (: I'm glad that you think so; it means so much to me. Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing this story, it seriously means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**Natsuki Sato** - Awwh, I'm sad that you can't remember previous chapters, but I'm happy that you like my story. Thanks so so much for reading and reviewing my story, it really does honestly mean so much to me and I really do appreciate it, (:  
**Eclare77 **- Awwh, (: I am so incredibly happy that you enjoyed that chapter and am reallly pumped for this one (: Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything, (:  
**broken14yearoldhear**t - Awwh, (: I'm glad that you did (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means the world to me, and to this story. I appreciate it so incredibly much! (:  
**Elinfatuated** - I'm happy that last chapter was your favorite chapter (: _Amayzing_ is the best way to spell it :P I personally believe that the girl in the driver's seat is Clare, and the car was going towards Fitz - and it showed Fitz appearing at Clare's front door. My only guess is Clare, I couldn't imagine it being any one else. I have no idea why they're wearing Degrassi Drama shirts, maybe it's an inside joke or some thing? Haha, yeah, I have no idea :P I absolutely love the Degrassi Wonderland video - let's face it, Munro Chambers is the hottest and funniest guy in the world; I wish I was Aislinn. (: Lmao. Thank you so so much for reading, and leaving long reviews. I love long reviews - and I'm so happy that you always write them (:  
**amazinnng storyy** - I tried to make the chapter as long as possible (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story, it honestly means the world to me and I really do appreciate it. (:  
**Revieeeewer **- I try to use as much detail as possible, and I'm glad that you liked it (: Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing, it honestly means so much to me and to this story; I appreciate it a lot. (:  
**wow** - Awwh, that means a lot to me (: Thanks so so much for reading and reviewing my story, it really does mean a lot to me and I appreciate it so much! (:  
**anonymous **- Awwh, I'm sorry that you can't get on to your account, but I hope you can soon so that you can keep reviewing! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story; it really does mean a lot to me and I appreciate it oh-so-much! (:  
**Zephyr Hearts** - Hahahah! I would've done the same to Eli, if I was Clare. I mean, Eli's the hottest guy ever - there's no way I would push away from him, like Clare did :P I'm so so so happy that you like my story, like it honestly means so much to me. (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story, it seriously means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:

**Song Suggestion** - "Back To December" by Taylor Swift  
I personally am not a fan of country (even though half  
of my family is), but Taylor Swift is an exception. (:

Chapter Nine  
"I Gave You All My Love, and  
All You Gave Me Was Goodbye"

-ELI'S POV-

People tend to believe that love is all it's made out to be - we all have this fairytale image, where we'll fight for the person we want - and this person will eventually come running out to us, on a white horse, telling us that they wouldn't want to be with any one else. Then, the two of you will ride off in to a sunset, to live happily ever after.

That is complete bullshit.

I opened up to Clare, I told her my deepest darkest secret - a secret that I had hid behind all of my emotions and thoughts for so long. I never talk about Julia - not even to my parents - but I managed to open up to some one; to a _stranger_. I opened up to Clare, and told her every last detail of what happened. I practically handed her my trust and respect - for her to throw it back in my face.

I stand here, my eyes narrowed on two people, my teeth are clenched, as my fists are closed so tight that my knuckles are pure white - I feel like bursting in to flames. Clare and KC are hugging, smiling in each others arms, as if it was their wedding day.

Clare had ran off with me, the previous day. She was running from her family and from KC. I took her to a sacred place, and told her a painful memory - and all she did for me, was show me that KC was what she wanted. We kissed, and she seems to be pretending as if the kiss was erased from her memory.

I felt like dirt - like I was nothing more then a test - Clare had used me, to see if she still loved KC. I know, she never told me that she did that; but I could feel it. Why else would she lay in to my arms, and kiss me with so much passion and fire? It was all an act and Clare was the perfect actress.

Watching those two was unbearable, the pain burned through my veins - and I eventually made the smart decision to walk away from all of this, I couldn't stand to have my eyes on those two for another moment. As I turned to walk away; I had the temptation of running back to Clare, and kissing her - but instead, I continued to walk forward; my eyes remaining staring forward at the empty hallways of Degrassi. Well, they seemed empty at the time, although there were numerous people at their lockers or sitting on the ground.

I suppose that this is how it feels to get completely rejected - you feel like no one else is in the world and that you're completely invisible. I felt like a body with out a heart. I felt so betrayed and hurt. I had never felt this badly about a rejection. For all the other girls, at my old school, if they rejected me or dumped me - I would shake it off, and forget their names.

But for Clare, it was different. All I wanted to do was prove to her that I could be a better boyfriend, then KC could ever even dream of being. I would treat Clare so much better then KC does.

I approached my locker, and was immediately greeted by Adam,

"You look down, what up?" He asked, as he sat on the floor - a comic book in hand. His locker was only a few down from mine, which explained his presence here - he wasn't a _locker stalker_, or anything of that sort.

"I'm just stupid," I murmured; as I unlocked my locker. I was almost embarrassed by how naive I was, for believing that Clare would actually leave KC for me.

"Why is that?"

"I just am." I wasn't in the mood for details or explanation.

"Dude, you can trust me - I barely talk to anyone, it's not like I'm going to send out text messages to every one, telling them how stupid you are."

I rolled my eyes and sat down on the floor, next to Adam.

"Yesterday.. Me and Clare kissed," Saying it felt so bad and good at the same time. A part of me couldn't be happier - I had finally kissed Clare, and it was amazing. Although, the other part of me felt sick to my stomach - I kissed my best friends girlfriend, and to top that off - she doesn't even like me.

"What?" Adam's jaw practically hit the floor, as his eyes widened. Maybe it was even worse then I had thought..

"We did and now.. She made up with KC, made me promise to not tell anyone and practically told me she doesn't like me." Ouch, even saying it sucked..

"That's harsh man" Clearly, it is, I wouldn't be so bummed out if it wasn't. "Forget her. She's not worth it, then"

"That's where you're wrong though.." I paused, "She's the first girl that I've ever met, who would be actually worth losing friends over." I explained, "I used to always say_ 'Bros before hoes'_, but when it comes to Clare.. I could honestly say that I would put her first."

"Trust me on this one - Clare's great; but.. You don't want to lose a lifelong friend over a high school crush."

Why was he so against Clare?

"Why don't you go for that Ellie chick? She seems cool." He recommended.

"I don't feel the same way for Ellie, as I do for Clare,"

"Maybe if you got to know her, you would see how cool she is."

I rolled my eyes and let out a deep breath.. Was I the only one who thought that going for Clare was a good idea?

* * *

I sat in a dark closet - the janitor's closet, to be exact. I was all alone, in the dark - my breathing was the only noise I heard.

I know, I sound like a full on stalker-creep. But I was waiting for Clare to walk by, it was lunch time and every day - she walked this way to lunch, all alone. I needed to talk to her, even if it meant _kidnapping_ her..

The door was partially open, so that I was capable of staring at the ones who walked by. Each person who passed caught my eye; I was nervous that Clare had decided to take a different route today, maybe she walked to lunch with Alli or KC.

Suddenly, that blue eyed, curly headed girl walked past, I opened the door, and grabbed her arm.

"Eli?" She spoke my name, with her confused facial expression overwhelming my eyes. I pulled her in to the closet and shut the door; I had my back pressed against the door - so that she couldn't run back out. I flipped the light switch on, and stared her in the eyes.

"Are you crazy?" She yelled,

"Clare. Will you please just hear me out?" Well, you kind of have to at this point..

"Eli, the two of us talking is not a good idea right now."

"Says who? _KC_?"

"Says me."

I rolled my eyes - "Clare, come on, can you at least look me in the eyes and honestly tell me that you didn't like the kiss?"

She stared me directly in the eyes, she hesitated as her cheeks turned pink; "I didn't _want_ to like our kiss." She let out a deep breath, "I'm not going to lie about it, I loved every single moment of that kiss, but.." She paused, "I still can't be with you."

"Why?" I snapped,

"KC has met my parents, and I have met his. We talk on the phone every single night for hours. We go out to lunch almost every day. We are closer then any one in this entire world! I'm not willing to give that up, to chase after some stranger who I know nothing about!"

"Clare, you know practically every thing about me! I told you about all of my seventh, eighth, and ninth grade memories! I even told you about Julia! How much more do I have to do?" I was angry. She acted as if I was so mysterious and secretive, when she knew every thing there was to know about me.

"Eli, it's not the same with you, as it is with KC-"

I immediately interrupted her - "Yeah, because it's better with me, then it will ever be with KC!" I paused, calming myself down - "Clare, I treat you ten times better then KC does. He puts his friends before you and pretends like he _owns you_, to all the guys. KC is the scummiest guy, when it comes to girls. He talks to girls, gets what he wants from them and moves on."

"KC and me aren't like that - we're in it for the long run." Her eyes looked like the cleanest glass, like the way that I was speaking about KC hurt her.

"The look in your eyes and the tears that are about to fall out of your eyes - proves that you think the exact same thing about KC, as I do. You only want to cry because I'm speaking the truth, I'm saying things that you're too scared to admit to yourself."

"You don't know that," She stated, as her eyes became even shinier then before - she held back the tears, as if she was too scared to allow them to fall.

I placed my hands on her upper arms, and took a step closer to her -

"I like you Clare - I like you so much and I just want one chance," I paused, "I'm willing to put you before my friends, unlike KC."

She suddenly slapped my hands off, I wasn't prepared for rejection at this point..

"Stop!" She demanded, "Eli, I'm not going to deny having feelings for you - because if I did, I'd be lying. But you need to understand where I'm coming from; KC is the best thing that has ever happened to me. KC has flaws and he messes up a lot, but that's because he's human. I don't expect him to always be right and to always make me happy. Eli, you know barely a thing about me - I don't understand why you want to be with me. I'm nothing special, and you can get so much better then me." She stated,

"Don't even say that - don't even _think_ that!" I exclaimed, angry at how low her self esteem was, "Clare you're the most beautiful girl that I have ever seen in my entire life. I want to be with you more then anything, I care about you more then KC ever will."

"Stop trying to make me hate KC!" Clare snapped at me, "I _love_ him!"

"No you don't, Clare!" I argued, I know.. How would I know? But I just knew she didn't - the look in her eyes was proof.

"Stop telling me how I feel and how I do not feel! I don't want you, so stop chasing after me! I'm sick and tired of you thinking that I care about you more then I care about KC!"

"Fine, maybe you don't care about me more - But I care about you more then KC ever will!"

"And how would you know that?"

"I just.. _do_" She was right.. Here I stood, slaughtering KC's reputation and claiming things that I had no idea about - but Clare was right, how did I know that I cared about her more?

"My point proven," She murmured.

"Okay, so what if I don't know who cares about you more - All I know is that I would do any thing for you to realize that I like you."

"Stop saying that." She demanded, "I'm not going to leave KC, and you need to accept that.. Eli, you're not who I want and I don't think you ever will be. A guy who is willing to break his best friend's heart, isn't a guy that I want to be with."

"You did the same thing to him, as I did!" I yelled. "Stop acting like you're some saint! You're just as bad as I am!"

"Not even close! You told me all about your past! You've been arrested, you've in fights, and _you've even_.." She paused, I knew exactly what she was going to say.. She looked like she was in shock - like she couldn't believe what she had planned on saying.. I couldn't either.

"Bringing up Julia is how you win an argument, huh?" I said, my voice was low; I could barely even speak.

"No Eli -" She began, I could tell that she felt bad,

"Clare." I interrupted her, "If you are willing to bring up a guy's dead ex-girlfriend.. Then I don't want to chase after you anymore."

I opened the closet door and walked as fast as possible - my fists were clenched, my cheeks were burning, and my eyes were squinted. How could she use that against me? How could she put me in that position?

Clare wasn't the girl I thought she was.

Instead of going to the lunch room, I sat at my locker. I was so angry - I felt so betrayed, I had finally opened up to some one - some one who had no idea about my past. I didn't have to tell any one at Degrassi about Julia, but I chose to tell one person, because I thought that I could trust them. Instead, she practically slapped me in the face.

_'And you've even..' _She acted as if her not completely saying it, would change that fact that she was even thinking about saying it. How could a girl who was never rude or mean to any one - one who volunteers at soup kitchens and prays to God every single day - even bring up a past like that.

I thought Clare was different - that she wasn't judgmental, that she cared about me - even if she didn't want to be with me. Instead, she has proven to me that I don't mean any thing to her - that my feelings don't effect her in any manner. I had no intentions of chasing after Clare ever again; at this point, I completely despise her.

These are the times where I wish that I could just lock myself in my bedroom - blast music, and never speak again.

These are the times where I wish I was all alone, and no one ever even bothered attempting to communicate with me.

My foot was tapping the floor, as I allowed my hair to hover over my eyes, deciding not to move it, because I didn't want to see anyone. I wanted to ignore the world and every one that was in it. I hated every thing at this point.

Clare had officially proven to me that she deserves a guy like KC. She deserves to be put last in a guy's priorities. She is just like every other girl.

"You eat lunch alone too?" I heard a voice speak, I turned my head to see Adam; with a smirk on his face. I didn't respond, I just turned my attention back on the ground, which I had been continuously staring at - "I usually don't, but Drew and Alli were having a full-on flirt-fest, I couldn't handle it anymore." He added,

Just go away.

"What's your problem?" Adam asked,

When I don't respond, it clearly means you should go away..

"You know - I think we've established the whole _trust _thing already.." He added; I rolled my eyes,

"Dude, I don't want to talk about it." I snapped,

"Let me guess - KC found out," You've guessed wrong..

"Not at all," I murmured; not wanting to explain.

"Clare yelled at you?"

"I seriously don't want to talk about it, can you please just back off." I responded - not wanting to sound harsh, but the guy didn't seem to understand how mad I was at the moment.

"Sure dude." He proceeded to walk away, I felt bad - but I couldn't stand to speak to anyone right now. I know, I looked and felt like a jerk - but it's already done, there's no reason to obsess about how rude I was now.

I realized the fact that I was completely isolated, the entire hall was empty, besides me. The only thing that I heard, besides silence, was my breathing and Clare's words continuously echoing through out my head. Her violent words played in loops in my head, every last word was marked in my brain - forever to stay.

Her words were more permanent then a tattoo.

I covered my face with the palms of my hands, as my emotions transitioned from anger to hurt. I was so hurt, even the memory of Julia hurt me and now hearing some one else speak about her hurt even more.

I sat there. Silence was the best thing in the world at this point.

Being isolated from the world, never felt so good.

* * *

**WARNING**: next chapter, _some body _finds out _some thing_... (;  
Oh darn :P


	11. Chapter 10

**Nydegrassigirl** - Awh, don't hate Clare. Every one makes mistakes. Thank you for reading and reviewing. It honestly means so much to me and to this story; I appreciate it so much (:  
**ilovetaylorswift13** - Clare made a mistake, and you'll have to read to see if Eli is done with her or if Clare is more interested in him now, (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything, (:  
**clareandeliforever **- I always surprise you? (: Is that a good thing? Lol. And the song suggestion was Back To December because of the certain lyrics "you gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye" (I know I switched them around a bit for the chapter title), but the title of my chapters come from the song suggestions, (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It honestly means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything (:  
**Zephyr Hearts** - Awwwh, I'm so happy that you love my story (: It honestly means SO much to me and I appreciate it so so much! Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing this story. I appreciate it more then anything, and it means like the world to me, (:  
**EclareTheLovers** - Haha, you'll have to read to see if Ellie gets involved again :P Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means the world to me, and to this story. Also, I appreciate your reviews so so so incredibly much! (:  
**smoudy97** - Awh, I'm glad that you think my writing is good; it honestly means so much to me. (: Thanks so so much for reading and reviewing my story; it really does mean soo much to me and I appreciate it a lot! (:  
**RachRox12** - Well.. in upcoming chapters, you'll learn more about Julia's death and why it's such a sensitive topic for Eli. And thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything, (:  
**MrsDibiase-10** - Awwh, I'm glad you liked it (: Also, thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the world to me and to this story; I appreciate it more than anything! (:  
**broken14yearoldheart** - I love drama too! :P Hahaaha; well, thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the world to me and it also means so much to this story. I appreciate it more than anything! (:  
**anonymous** - Here's a new update (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It really does mean a lot to me and I appreciate it so much! (:  
**superfresh** - Hahaha, Good news - Here's the new chapter! (: Haha. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It really does mean so so so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**TVIsMyDrug4** - Awwwh, I'm glad that you loved it and thought I did an excellent job! (: It really does mean a lot to me and I honestly appreciate it. Anyways, thank you so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means the world to me, and to this story. I appreciate it so much! (:  
**LovinMunro95** - Hahahaha! (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means SOOO much to me, and it means so much to this story. I seriously appreciate it more then anything, (:  
**EClarefan4ever** - Awwh, I'm glad that you think so (: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means the world to me, and I honestly appreciate it soooo much, (:  
**PullMeIntoTheDark** - KC hasn't been cheating on Clare - Clare had cheated on KC. Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing my story, it really does mean a lot to me and I honestly appreciate it. (:  
**liveANDlovelife** - Will do (: Thanks so so much for reading and reviewing my story; it really does mean a lot to me and I appreciate it sooo much! (:  
**Elinfatuated** - Agreed, no one will/is ever going to be as hot, funny, charming, and just plain AMAYZING as Munro. (: I saw the new promo and my jaw honestly hit the floor. I went on Youtube and watched it over and over and over again for a good forty-five minutes. I even began crying! I can't believe Clare did that to him - he's gone through so much pain and it really sucks for her to leave him at such a bad time. The way he says "You promised, remember, that you'd never leave me," was honestly the SADDEST thing ever! I wanted to run to Munro's house and hug him for years. I need to see these episodes NOW. I hope Eli will be okay :( And as for the Degrassi Drama T-Shirts - I read some where that it's apart of the show, like Eli and Clare join a Drama club together? I could be wrong though. Who ever gets to marry Munro, is the person with the GREATEST luck ever. Honestly, that girl is going to be the luckiest girl in the entire world. And my friends aren't all that in to Degrassi either, which is why I write fanfictions, (: Anyways, Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it seriously means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything, (:  
**Reviewer** - Will do (: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means the world to me, and I appreciate it sooo much! (:

**Song Suggestion** - "Today We Give Ourselves To The Fire" by Cloud Cult  
This is the song from the new promo - which is absolutely CRAZY. (:

**OH MY**; I just watched the new Degrassi promo, about fifteen times!  
If you haven't seen it, you NEED to go on Youtube and search  
"In Too Deep Degrassi promo", this promo is honestly INSANE.  
I am more then scared for what's going to happen to Eli.  
I'm really nervous /:

Chapter Ten  
"Part One: I Am Alive"

I paced back and forth in my room, my feet feeling like a million pounds, and my heart beating louder then ever before. I felt sick to my stomach, like instead of having butterflies swarm around in the pit of my stomach - it was like the sharpest type of knifes stabbing in to me.

I purposely stomped my feet as loud as possible - praying that I could get all of my anger out on how hard my feet were hitting the wooden floor. I let out a deep breath and counted in my head - whenever I got over-angry or emotional, I would just breath and count - it was my own personal way of calming myself down..

_1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.. _

I closed my eyes, as I continued pacing - maybe if my eyes were closed, I wouldn't feel the pain that my body and brain was experiencing. Julia's death was like the greatest torture. It was the worst experience to ever happen to me and I can't even take it back or fix it. In most situations, when some one makes a mistake, they are capable of fixing it, and making sure that no one is really hurt anymore. Unfortunately, I'm here, stuck alone, with out her.. _With out Julia_. I would give up every thing possible in order to go back to the night and stop her from taking off.

The worst part of it all is..

Clare doesn't even know the full truth about Julia..

Clare has no idea. I lied to Clare about half of the story.

Only KC knows the truth.

* * *

I woke up the next morning, prepared for school - prepared to go through an entire six hour period, avoiding telling KC about what I had done and practically having no friends at all. I felt sick, I wanted to fake sick and get out of school today - I couldn't bear being there for more then a minute.

Hopefully my parents would be out - how they always are, and maybe I'd be capable of ditching school - wandering off to a place that no one knows. Maybe I could go in Morty and drive, with out any direction or destination - just drive with the hope that I'll find a peaceful place with out human contact.

I wanted to live in some alternate world, where none of my life was the way it is. In a world where Julia was still alive, but she never fell for me - that way, she'd never get hurt. A world where I never came to Degrassi - since I practically am on the route to ruining Clare and KC's life. A world where I can't hurt any one or any thing - I can't ruin people's life's and cause them misery.

A world where the only person I can ruin is..

_Me._

I walked downstairs, praying that I would walk down to an empty and cold house - one that still has all the lights on, and the door is unlocked. My parents being home would force me to enter Degrassi; which would soon be referred to as _Hell_, considering the fact that I have strong beliefs that KC is going to uncover the truth and turn every thing against me.

I turned the corner, practically begging for there to be an empty kitchen.

And..

My mother stood at the counter, making toast, and my father sat at the table. Of course, this is the morning they decide to actually come home. I should've known, with my luck, that they would pick last night to come home early..

I rolled my eyes and sighed, catching my mother's attention; she turned her head to face me and smiled,

"Why are you all upset?" She asked. Ever since I lost Julia, my mom has always been so concerned about every time I am upset, I guess that I would rather have her acknowledge it, rather than ignore it..

"Nothing mom.. Just a tired morning," I lied, hoping that she would believe me,

She smiled and nodded; "It's seven in the morning, no one expects you to be wide awake!" She added with a smile,

I smirked - "I'm not going to eat today. I have to get to school early, to help a teacher, for some extra credit points," Even though I'm tired and very upset right now.. I can't help but be the King of Lying..

"Okay, I'll see you after school honey." She responded, approving me of leaving early; I smiled once again and grabbed my back pack -

I know, before I was ranting on about how much I wanted to avoid school - but I might as well get there early, so I am capable of getting myself used to being there, all alone. I needed to find a place to fit in, sure - eating lunch at my locker was most likely what I was going to be doing for now on, but I don't know who to talk to - who to trust - or who to turn to.

I feel like I'm lost in my Degrassi. I'm a misfit.

I entered Morty and immediately let out a deep breath, as I turned the radio on - stopping at a radio station, which was playing the song; "Today We Give Ourselves To The Fire" by Cloud Cult. I drove, allowing my thoughts to be silenced, as the music took my mind over - drowning out any thoughts I had about Clare, Julia, or KC..

I finally pulled up to Degrassi, against what I had planned for the day. I didn't want to be here, and I don't think any one could blame me. KC and I are barely friends at this point - he may not know about the kiss, but he will soon, I _know_ he will. I've never heard any stories where the cheater got away with it, meaning that Clare and me are not going to get away with it..

You may not think this; but I actually don't want KC to find out. I know, you would think I would because I want Clare; well at least I _used_ to want Clare.. But not anymore. I don't want KC and Clare to break up, despite what many would think..

I parked Morty and exited the driver's seat. I walked as slow as possible towards Degrassi, begging for the school day to be cancelled and for every one to be forced to go home. Of course, my wishes wouldn't be granted. I approached the front doors and slowly opened them, glancing at the few people who were here.

I was at school exceptionally early today, and people usually didn't come this early. Although, I would much rather be here too early; so that I can actually do my home work for once.

I was slacking in school - and I'll be the first to admit that. I rarely do my homework and when I do, I fill in random answers that I got from the top of my head. I know, _school's important and I should always do my work.. _

I took a seat at my locker and pulled a piece of paper out of my back pack. I had to write an English paper, and I had no idea what to write about. I personally loved English class, it was my favorite class. Writing was actually fun and it gave me a chance to talk about things in my life that I try to keep secret. Teachers never judge you or tell other people about the things you say or write - meaning, that Ms. Dawes isn't going to screw my over, unlike other people will..

I tapped my pencil, and bit my bottom lip - I stared at an empty sheet of paper,

_Eli Goldsworthy_  
_English, Period 2_  
_Ms. Dawes_

My heading was the only thing that was on this paper. I went blank - I had no idea what to write or what to think. Putting your thoughts and ideas on paper isn't as easy as it may seem. I'm the type that always_ thinks and thinks and thinks_ about things; attempting to keep them to myself. Although, English was _usually_ an exception - since I always wrote about past experiences, but for some reason - I just couldn't write my thoughts on paper today.. All I could think about was Clare and my harsh argument the previous day..

Maybe the whole thing was my fault - maybe I was at fault, for once. Maybe I had blamed her, because I'm so used to being the criminal, that for once I wanted to be the victim..

Although, the things she said were not my fault - I had no intentions on pushing her to the point where she was willing to low blow me at the harshest point. If anything she said was going to hurt me - it would definitely be that. Maybe Clare wasn't the innocent Saint that I had thought she was, I was possibly wrong about her - Maybe people know Clare as the type to say whatever she can to hurt people..

Or maybe she messed up. Maybe I'm being too harsh on her for what she did; if it were the other way around, I might accidentally bring that up too..

No, I can't give in. I can't forgive her just because I like her. I can't allow myself to be stepped all over, just because I hold certain feelings for the girl. There is no way that I'm going to throw myself back in to this mess. I was done, for the time being - I needed a break from the drama.

A voice broke my thoughts, as my eyes stared up to see KC Guthrie's face, with a smile on it. God, just his smile proved that his ego was the size of China. He was so full of himself and self-centered. All he cared about was making sure that he was happy, without looking around to see how every one else felt.

"Doing your homework? Never knew you were such a _nerd_," He joked. A month ago, I wouldn't of cared that he had said that.. But for some reason, now I do.

"Oh you know it - Just trying to gain some academic knowledge." I joked back - even though KC bothers me, I'm sort of the asshole in the situation, at this point; I should probably begin being extremely nice to him now, while we're still friends.

"Trust me - it's way too late to start trying to learn now - you're too far behind, _Goldsworthy_," He responded - smirking after. I smiled, holding back the urge to roll my eyes.

"Oh, I see.. I forgot that you were just so _brilliant_," I sarcastically stated, KC was the complete opposite of _brilliant_. KC was more bad at school then I was, which was considerably terrible. KC laughed, and took a seat next to me.

"Alright dude, enough of this school shit. I need to ask you some thing." He began, I nodded -

"_Proceed_" I gave him permission to continue,

"Clare has been really distant the last couple of days, what should I do?" Oh fuck..

My teeth were clenched, as my brain scrambled for an answer..

_'Well me and her kissed and she's scared you'll find out'_ that sounds like a reasonable answer...

"Have the two of you argued recently?" I had to play dumb; like I had no part in it.

"Well, earlier this week - but we made up yesterday and we talked on the phone last night for like three hours, and she was so quiet and she seemed so upset. I asked her what happened and she said she just makes stupid comments that she knows she shouldn't make. I asked her who she made this_ 'stupid comment'_ to, and she said '_never mind'_." He explained. The stupid comment? Must of been talking about her Julia remark.

The nice thing to do would be to admit up to what I had done, and why Clare was so upset..

"She probably said some thing to Alli about Drew, or some thing of that sort," Maybe I wasn't as nice as I had thought..

"Most likely," KC replied,

"How about you just suck up to her today - you know, try to show her that you really love her and that it's not all just an act. You tend to put your friends before Clare, and that might be what's bothering her. Just really be nice to her today and put her before every one else," My advice proved that I was nice. I knew that KC's priority list bothered Clare; and here I am, setting KC up to be the perfect boyfriend; when I'm in love with Clare.

"Do you really think my friends bother Clare?"

I nodded, not wanting to admit that she had told me that they did.

"Alright thanks man." KC stated, "I hope Clare will be happier today,"

"_Speaking of the devil_," I murmured, seeing that Clare was approaching the two of us.

KC turned his head to see her and smiled,

"Hey KC, want to go to the cafeteria?" Clare asked, practically begging for him to be dragged away from me - probably convinced that I had plans to blow the huge secret and tell KC what had happened between Clare and me. _No worries, Clare_.. I don't plan on telling him..

"Well, I actually have to go to meet up with Drew at the Library, he told me it's some thing really important - so I can't miss it," KC stated.

It's funny.. I just specifically told him NOT to put his friends before Clare, and there he is again.. Putting his friends before Clare.

"Oh," Clare murmured, as she looked at the floor. As I stated before, _it bothers her_.

"I'll see you at lunch though?" He asked, standing up and placing his hands on her shoulders.

"Of course," She had the fakest smile on her face; to hide the misery that KC put her through. I would stick up for her and tell KC that he shouldn't do this to her.. But she wouldn't do that for me, so why should I do that for her?

KC kissed her cheek and walked away;

We were all alone.

Clare and me. Me and Clare.

Just the two of us.

I grabbed my books and threw them in my back pack. I then proceeded to stand up, and throw my back pack on, over my shoulder. I started walking away, when I heard Clare call my name. I turned around to face her - to see what she could possibly want.

"Eli!" Our eyes stared in to one anothers, as we were silent for a moment. Clare hesitated to speak again, but soon began to; "I'm sorry." She paused once again, "For what I said - it was.. _Unnecessary_ and rude."

"Okay." I began walking away again,

"Eli!" She yelled my name once again, I stopped and faced her - not wanting to even speak to her.. "Are we cool?"

"What do you think?" With that, I walked away - for good this time.

Honestly, I didn't want to forgive Clare - I had low-respect for her right now and I think I had every right to. She kissed me, rejected me, brought up my past and still puts up with KC's shit. I never knew that some one so brilliant, could be so fucking dumb.

I walked outside, and immediately saw Adam walking up the stairs, by himself.

"Hey dude." I greeted him, feeling bad about how I treated him the day before - I had no intentions on snapping at him and being such an asshole; I just really couldn't deal with people, at the time.

"Hey." He replied, seeming as if he felt awkward about the entire situation.

"I'm sorry about yesterday - I was really pissed off about some thing else,"

"Need to talk about it?" He asked,

"No, I've thought about it enough and I'd rather forget all about it." I admitted,

We walked back down the stairs and stood on the sidewalk,

"How's the whole Clare situation?" He asked,

"That's what I'm trying to forget about," I answered, attempting to keep the answer as simple as possible; avoiding details.

"Oh, _she's_ the one who pissed you off." Congratulations Captain Obvious.

"Correct." I murmured, his facial expression proved that he wanted details and I decided to just hand them to him, "I told Clare some thing about my past - some thing that I honestly do not want to talk about - and while we were arguing, she brought it up and now I just have no respect for her and I can't deal with some one who is willing to be so cruel to some one else." I explained,

"People are stupid, and tend to throw low-blows at other people, when they know they're about to lose an argument,"

"Couldn't agree more," After saying this, I heard one of the Degrassi front door's slam opened, and I suddenly heard Clare's voice.

I turned my head to see KC stomping towards me - with Clare, Drew, and Alli following him.

KC looked like he was out to murder - and I was the one in his path..

"What kind of best friend are you!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, getting in my face.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, confused to why he was exploding on me, out of nowhere.

"You made out with my girlfriend in an abandoned park! _That's_ what I'm talking about!" He responded,

Fuck. My. Life.

Clare grabbed KC's arm, attempting to calm him down - "KC, come on, let's just stop and talk." Clare suggested

"Get away from me!" He demanded, he then turned his attention back on me - "You're a joke, Eli! You always pretended like you were my best friend and that you actually cared about me, but instead you go behind my back and flirt with my girlfriend constantly? I was there for you through every thing in the past - what happened with Julia and your dad!" Just like Clare, _he brings up my past_..

"My dad and Julia have nothing to do with this!" I yelled, very angry at the fact that the two were being brought up,

"I'm not scared to hurt your feelings or to bring up the past right now! You fucked my life over, so why should I care?" He screamed,

"You should care because I'm your best friend!"

"Best friend? Are you kidding me right now? Best friends don't make out with each others girlfriends!" KC argued,

"I'm sorry, KC! I didn't mean to cause so much damage and I didn't mean to do this to you! I don't want to fuck up your life! You can have Clare, I don't want her!" I glanced at Clare, who was only a few steps away from KC, she looked so nervous - so scared;

"_You don't want her_? You don't _deserve_ her!" He responded,

"Don't act like you're some Saint! You are just as big of a scumbag as I am!"

"Oh, is that what you think?" He began "Did you tell any one here about your past, Eli? Huh? How about your record, or Julia, or your dad?"

"KC shut up." I murmured, begging for him to stop.

"I can easily tell every one about how your dad-" Before he could finish, I punched him in the face as hard as I possibly could. KC went to punch me back, but Drew pulled him back -

"Dude, stop." Drew demanded.

"Eli - you have made the biggest mistake of your life! Prepare to leave Degrassi, because people are soon going to know the _real _you." KC then walked inside with Drew, holding his lip - which was bleeding.

I was in complete shock; about twenty people were surrounded in front of the school - staring me down, as I stood there; barely even moving.

"Why did you tell him?" I yelled at Clare,

"I didn't!" She defended herself,

"Well then how the hell does he know!" I screamed back.

"I only told one person!" Clare responded,

"Who?"

Without answering, Clare turned to look at Alli who looked like she was frightened for her life.

"I told Drew and he promised not to tell anyone." Alli stated.

At that moment, I became even more mad then I was before.

"Alli! Are you kidding?" Clare yelled, "He clearly told KC!"

"I'm sorry! I had no idea it would end like this!" Alli sympathetically stated,

"It's a little too late for _sorry_." I responded,

Clare stormed in to Degrassi, as Alli followed - I stood there, in shock.

What if KC tells people _the truth_?

* * *

**Eli has a lot of dark secrets from his past.. Prepare to find them out (:**


	12. Chapter 11

**clareandeliforever** - I'm happy that I surprised you, (: And You'll find out about his dad this chapter! I'm glad that you like it and I really do hope that you enjoy this chapter! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story, it honestly means the world to me and I really do appreciate it. (:  
**ilovetaylorswift13 **- I'm happy that you like it and are interested in Eli's past (: Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the world to me, and to this story. Also, I appreciate it more than anything in this entire world, (:  
**livetowrite4 **- Awwwh, I'm really happy and honored that you got excited (: And I'm also extremely happy that you liked it so much (: It seriously means so much to me. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story; it really does mean sooo much to me and I really do appreciate it. (:  
**LovinMunro95** - Here's the new update (: And in this chapter you get to learn some of Eli's dark and dirty secrets from the past! :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means sooo much to me, and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**Zephyr Hearts** - I'm happy that you thought it was intense and I hope that you also enjoy this chapter! (: And the promo was honestly sooo crazy. I hope that Eli doesn't get hurt and that EClare doesn't really end :( Anyways, thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It really does mean a lot to me and I honestly appreciate it so much! (:  
**Swanstream** - Awwh, I'm glad that you like it, (: And you'll have to read to see how every thing turns out! :P Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means so much to me, and it means so much to this story. I really do appreciate it a lot! (:  
**XxMusicxKelseyxX** - I know, waiting for the episodes is sooo hard. I need Degrassi to start like NOW. Haha, Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means the world to me and I honestly appreciate it so so so much! (:  
**E.K. Rico** - Awwh, I'm happy that you liked it (: Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the world to me, and it means so much to this story. I seriously appreciate it more than anything! (: Thank you! (:  
**Natsuki Sato **- You'll find out the truth this chapter! :P Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing this story. It honestly means the world to me. I also appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**TVIsMyDrug4** - I'm glad that you liked it (: Thanks so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It really does mean soo much to me and to this story. I appreciate it so so so much! (:  
**Elinfatuated** - Every time I watch the promo, I immediately get chills. I'm so nervous for Eli, :/ And no problem! I love answering really long reviews, and replying with long answers! And yes, there is more to the Julia story then what was told - and you'll learn the rest of the story this chapter and a little more of it next chapter. And you'll learn some of his dark secrets this chapter, also (: I updated as soon as possible and I hope you like this chapter! (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means the world to me and to this story; I appreciate it more then anything (:  
**AubreyMarie** - Awwh, I'm really really really honored that you think I'm an amazing writer. Like it honestly means so much to me, (: And no worries - I updated as soon as possible! And I hope that you enjoy it (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It really does mean the world to me, and I honestly appreciate it a lot! (:  
**RachRox12** - Yeah, Alli also tends to annoy me on Degrassi. Although, there are times when I do like her character. Thanks so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means so much to me, and I appreciate it more than anything. (:  
**anonymous **- Hahahahah, here's the update and the dark secrets! :P Thanks so much for reading and reviewing my story; it really does mean a lot to me and I appreciate it so much! (:

**Song Suggestion** - "Today We Give Ourselves To The Fire" by Cloud Cult  
I know this was last chapter's song suggestion; but I'm absolutely  
OBSESSED with this song; it reminds me of the Degrassi promo that  
I'm SOOOO freaked out for :O I'm so nervous about Eli :(

Chapter Eleven  
"Part Two: I Am Alive"

There was no way. No way in Hell that this was happening. I felt the walls closing, the sun disappearing, myself fading and every one moving so much faster then usual. I felt like I was entering a new world - not like the one that I had explained previously, where I never messed up any one's life. But a world where I'm officially the biggest idiot in the world.

I had secrets. Secrets that no one could ever know, ones that I can barely handle by myself. My appearance isn't the only strange thing about me - there's so much more. I told Clare the Julia story, but I had left out one little detail.. One that I can't seem to face myself. Julia's death was the most horrifying experience in my life, and only KC knows exactly why..

I was in English class, staring forward - barely blinking, as I felt my face becoming the whitest pale possible. I felt like a ghost - an insignificant human being - I'm not sure that I'm even human anymore. I feel like the greatest mess - like I'm unable to be fixed at this point.

Just the thought of people discovering the truth killed me inside - I felt like I was slowly leaving this world and entering Hell. If people at Degrassi knew the truth, then my life as I know it would soon transition in to a horrible life - one that is unbearably painful and embarrassing.

I glanced around the class room - every one was so normal, so happy - their life's were nothing but normal, happy, and enjoyable. Their families weren't messed up, their old girlfriends weren't dead, and they didn't have the father that I did.. They all seemed to be stuck in this fairytale high school world, where nothing bad ever seems to occur to them.

I'd give up any thing to switch life's with one of these many people - to be able to rewrite my life and make it so there wasn't such misery.

"May I use the bathroom?" I asked, finally realizing that I needed to get out of here.

"Sure Eli," Ms. Dawes answered, I turned my head and made direct eye contact with Clare - I stopped breathing for a moment, it was like looking in her eyes was throwing me in to some uncontrollable trance.

I looked down at my feet and arose from my chair - I then proceeded to exit the class room; making my way to the bathroom.

As I walked to the bathroom, I felt rage burning through every limb in my body - every mistake I've ever made was flashing right before my eyes. I have been screwed over so many times in life, so many times that I'm incapable of counting. I was a ticking time bomb - I was destined to be just like my father. I was going to be just as big of a mess up as he was - I couldn't handle ever being anything like him - he was mortifying.

With all my strength, I pushed the bathroom door open - it slamming on to the concrete wall. I then stormed in, and stopped in front of the sink - I stared myself in the mirror, looking at the mess I have become. Looking at the mess that my father and Julia have made me. I squinted my eyes - hoping that maybe if I did, I'd have the ability to see the _real_ me - the guy I was going to transition in to. Was I going to be like my father? I pray that I won't be anything like him.

I turned the sink on, and splashed water on my face - attempting to cleanse my body of all the sins that my father committed, that are now burning through my veins. I felt like a criminal - I wasn't the criminal in this situation, and that was the worst part. I had nothing to do with what my father had done, but for some reason - I feel like I was just as apart of it, as he was.

My knuckles turned white, as my fists closed as tight as possible. I slammed them down on the sink counter, and felt like the whole world was crumbling. I realized that I couldn't dwell on my family or on Julia and how people may soon find out who I really am - I then decided to return to class.

I walked back in to English; and proceeded to sit back down in my seat.

"Now every one - partner up for the assignment," Apparently Ms. Dawes had previously explained some type of group assignment? "Groups of three,"

I let out a deep breath.. Who was I going to partner with?

"Partners?" I turned my head to see Adam,

"Sure," I answered - I then turned my desk to face his,

"Can I join your group?" Clare asked, her facial expression resembled a lost puppy - like she had nowhere to go and was scared for her life. I looked away from her, avoiding any sort of eye contact. Adam glanced at me and then back at Clare -

"Sure," He answered. I almost wanted to punch him right in the face; but let's face it, punching one friend in the face is enough for one day..

Clare slowly nodded and maneuvered her desk so that the three of us were all facing one another. Facing Clare was like facing my greatest problem. If it weren't for Clare, then I wouldn't be in this situation. If it wasn't for Clare then people wouldn't be on the edge of finding out the truth.

"So, what topic do you guys want to do our project on?" Adam asked,

"I wasn't here - what's the project?" I admitted, in a low tone; not wanting to even speak, at this point.

"We have to write a short story about a type of emotion that many people go through - like jealousy, anger, happiness and so on.." Adam explained.

A type of emotion? How about being scared out of your mind that people will realize who you really are..

"I say we do some thing about sadness - it's very easy to write about that sort of emotion." Clare suggested.

"I'm in - how 'bout you?" Adam asked, directing his question towards me. I honestly didn't care what emotion we expressed through our writing..

"Yep," I murmured. I could care less about report cards, grades, or school at this point. I was sitting here - watching my life slowly fall apart, and I had no way of stopping it. I had no power or ways of preventing my fate. Me flirting with my best friend's girl has caused me a lot of karma - karma that I should of expected right from the beginning.

The bell rang - echoing through my fragile ears. I sighed, rolled my eyes, and grabbed all of my books - as I organized them, Clare stood there - patiently waiting for me.

"Eli, can we please talk?" She pleaded;

With out saying a word - I stood up and made direct eye contact with her for only a moment, before walking out. I could barely speak - I could barely even hear my own thoughts at this moment. I felt so fragile - so broken. I was scared out of my mind. I didn't want people to know about the monster that I am related to..

I approached my locker - quickly unlocking it. I was planning on eating lunch in the hallway; I couldn't bear to even enter that lunch room. If I were to - I'd be forced to face the entire school - I know, no one knows about my past _yet_ - I'm just scared that they soon will.. I have a feeling that if I go in to the lunch room - KC will have the strong desire to explain to every one what had happened to me..

I grabbed my lunch from my locker; slammed my locker; and slid down it. Every one had already gone to lunch, and here I sat - alone, in a dark hallway, isolated from every one else - eating my lunch. I opened my lunch bag and debated on if I should eat.

I just couldn't. I felt disgusting. I threw my lunch bag at the wall as hard as I could - attempting to let out all of my anger in that one single throw. I obviously didn't. I maneuvered my legs, so that my knees were right under my chin - I rested my chin on my knees and stared forward. I needed to get my mind off of this - I needed to think about some thing else..

As I attempted to think of other things - I heard a male voice, I turned to see Adam standing there,

"Can I sit with you?" He asked, I slowly nodded and he sat down next to me, "Threw your lunch at the wall?.. What happened?" Curiosity shined through his question. I slowly shrugged,

"Just really pissed off." It was the absolute only answer that I could possibly think of. Why else was I losing my mind? I was angry and upset and nervous and scared.. I was every negative emotion possible..

"What was KC talking about?" He paused, "With all that _'the real you'_ stuff?"

_The truth_.

"I don't want to talk about it," I stated.

"I won't judge you."

I let out the deepest breath possible; attempting to scramble up some answer that didn't involve the entire truth

"Last year.. My dad did some thing _really.. really_ bad. And now my moms married to this guy - that I refer to as my real dad, when he's only my step-dad. I've programmed myself to actually believe that he is my real dad, because I can't even believe who my _biological father_ is." That was a good enough explanation for me, and that was the truth..

The guy that my mother goes partying with every single night, isn't my real dad. Right after my father's mistake, my mother went out searching for a new guy - so she could easily forget about my father. That's when she met Jack - Jack and my mom immediately made a connection and made the decision to elope, after only three and a half months of dating. I like Jack a lot more then I ever liked my real father.

My real father had drinking problems and one day, he made the biggest mistake possible - one that people would soon be learning..

I decided to force myself to believe that Jack was my real father - that way, I'd be able to forget about my biological dad, and move on from the horrible experience that he had caused..

"That's harsh. What did your dad do?" Adam asked,

I froze, and had no answer. I didn't know what to say or what to even lie about..

"Too long of a story," After saying this; I heard a male voice yell, I turned my head to see a tall guy walking towards me - with two of his friends behind him,

"_Little boys are too scared to eat lunch in the cafeteria_? How sad," He sarcastically stated, his friends laughing after, as he smiled.

Adam glanced at him and then back at me - "That's Fitz" He murmured, "He's an asshole" He said, in a quiet tone so that this _Fitz _guy couldn't hear him..

Adam stood up once the three guys came closer, I decided to do the same,

"What do you want now, Fitz?" Adam asked, seeming as if he hated this guy. I can tell just by looking at Fitz that he was an egotistical asshole, who thought he was better then every one else.

"I'm only here to hear the truth" He began, "I've heard some rumors, which were all about this emo one over here," He continued, referring to me, of course.

"_Emo one_? Real clever." I sarcastically stated. I hated being stereotyped because of the way I dressed, my car, and my personality.

"Oh, you don't like being called _emo_? How about a _murderer's son_?" I was in complete shock,

"Shut up." I murmured, praying to God that KC didn't tell every body the truth; and that Fitz's comment was just a coincidence...

I doubt that though.

"It's true?" Fitz asked, laughing after - as if it was some type of joke.

"Shut the fuck up." I demanded, still murmuring, but this time a bit louder.

"Your dad was drunk driving and ran over your girlfriend and _killed her_?" Fitz asked again, laughing in my face.

There's no way in Hell that this is happening. I can't even begin to believe it. Fitz doesn't know - he's just making it up; KC didn't tell him, he would never stoop that low... _Right_?

"So.. Do Julia's parents still like you or are you kind of hated by that family?" Fitz asked, I shoved him with all the strength that I possibly could, he grabbed me by my shirt and pulled me towards him, getting in my face - "Don't push me." He demanded, "If any ones going to be pushing any one here.. It's going to be me pushing you,"

"We'll see about that,"

"What are you gonna do?" He paused "_Murder_ me?" He had the most devilish grin on, as he let me go and walked away.

I let out a deep breath, and I actually felt tears building up inside of me. I couldn't believe this. KC actually told people.. KC let the biggest secret in my life, be told to every one here. I leaned back and my back slammed in to the lockers, I slowly slid down them - my body hit the floor, and I sat there, my back against the lockers - just staring forward; my lips were shaking, as were my hands. My heart was barely beating and my breathing was unusually fast.

"Explain," Adam said, as he sat down next to me. "I'd rather hear it from you, rather than all the rumors."

I cleared my throat, and attempted to force myself to speak.. "My dad was picking me up from the party, and he was extremely drunk.. He shouldn't have been driving to begin with.. He accidentally hit my girlfriend, Julia, with his car. He immediately called me, and didn't give me details - he just demanded that I came to the spot where he was. I arrived there, not having a thought that this situation had involved Julia, I just suspected that he had a flat tire, or some thing of that sort." I paused, "I arrived there, and I saw Julia's lifeless body, laying in the middle of the street, while my dad sat in his driver's seat.. _Drinking and drinking and drinking_, acting like nothing was even wrong." I paused once again, "I sprinted to Julia and began checking her pulse, once I realized that she was gone - I opened my dad's car door, pulled him out of the car and punched him in the face so many times; he was so drunk that he could barely even fight back - he couldn't even defend himself, it was practically me beating up a punching bag.. I punched my dad over fifteen times in the face.. I kept going and going until the ambulance got there, since my father had called them, after calling me. My dad ended up breaking his nose, and getting two black eyes - I didn't even feel bad. I felt happy actually - I _needed_ to hurt him - I _wanted_ to hurt him.."

"Where's your dad now?" Adam looked like he had no idea what to even say or think at this moment.

"Serving a fifteen year sentence." I answered, with no emotion.

God, it hurt to say all of this. I was here, being forced to face the truth - face the facts, and face what my father has done. I was finally out in the open, as a murderer's son. People had no idea before, I came off as a normal person - some one who was just another student, just another teenager.. But now, I'm some thing far from_ 'normal'_, now I was going to be considered the odd one out - the one that has barely any friends because every ones scared of him.

I wonder if every one knows..

I wonder if Clare knows..

"It isn't your fault," Adam stated, trying to make me feel better.

"You're wrong, Adam.." I felt sick to my stomach, "If it weren't for me.. My dad wouldn't be driving to pick me up. If it weren't for me, Julia wouldn't have left that party on her bike, alone, in the dark.. If it weren't for me, Julia would still be alive and my dad would still be living at home, rather then some jail cell."

"You can't control others actions - your dad made the decision to drink and drive, not you."

"I don't see it the same way." I stated,

The lunch bell rang, and I felt like the world had crumbled. Now I have to go through numerous classes, being known as a _murderer's child_?

I stood up from the ground, people rushed around me - attempting to get to their lockers as soon as possible, so that they weren't late for their classes. I felt like a little boy, in the middle of a crowd of adults - as they swarmed past me, and I just felt absolutely lost. I felt invisible, for _real_ this time.

"Heard about your dad," I turned to see some unfamiliar guy standing there, "You're really the son of a murderer?" I didn't answer, "Remind me not to mess with you.." The guy then walked away, mocking me with his laughter. I didn't even know that guy's name or who he was - but he knew about me.

He knew every thing about my personal life and I knew nothing about him..

I stopped breathing for a second - like it was unbearable to breathe like this. I finally moved, and turned to my locker - I grabbed my Social Studies books..

Good thing I have class with KC now..

* * *

I entered Social Studies and immediately was greeted by all the dirty looks from every one in my class. People were whispering and looking at me like I was some physco - well, I might as well be known as that; considering the fact that I'm the _'son of a murderer'_. I sat down in my seat, and immediately opened my notebook. I scribbled random stuff down on the paper - attempting to distract myself from all the rude remarks and stares from my peers.

I usually got picked on for my appearance or taste in music and automobiles.. But I really prayed that I wouldn't be picked on for my father's mistake. I felt sick to my stomach, like I had officially hit rock bottom. I was an absolute mess - one that I couldn't fix or clean up. The truth about me and my family was out, and now - I would never be accepted here.

"_Son of a murderer_? At least people know the truth," I heard KC's voice speak from behind me. I turned to see him sitting right behind me, with a devilish smile on his face - like him ruining my life was hilarious or enjoyable.

"Yeah. _Real funny_ KC." I sarcastically stated, as I looked at him with as much disgust as I possibly could.

"Oh Eli, don't be mad. It was bound for people to find out that you're destined to be an alcoholic and a murderer, just like your precious father. Tell me, when's the last time you visited him in jail?" KC's teasing was getting on my last nerve.

"You know that I haven't communicated with him since that night" I began, "KC, just stop. I kissed your girlfriend, but you ruined my life.. Isn't that enough for you?"

"Not even close." KC went to his assigned seat, and then the bell rang.

I stared forward - I was incapable of hearing my thoughts or anyone elses voices around me. It was as if I was in my own little world, where nothing but silence was heard. All I could hear is my heavy breathing. I felt like the class room was just staring at me - like I was some object of amusement. I felt like I was the punch line of every joke and rude comment.

I was officially an outcast.

* * *

**Next Chapter is going to be very emotional,**  
**and it will involve Clare and Eli's dad! (:**


	13. Chapter 12

**livetowrite4** - Awwh, honestly; your review made me so happy and I'm glad that you think all of that. It seriously means the world to me! Also, thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story; it really does mean the world to me and I honestly appreciate it, more than anything! (:  
**Swanstream** - Awwh thank you so much (: And I'll try my best to look at your stories. Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing this story ; it honestly means the world to me and I appreciate it so so much! (:  
**clareandeliforever** - Hahahahah! Your review was quite entertaining :P Your questions will be answered soon, no worries (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing this story; it seriously means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything (:  
**lehcar12 **- Awwh, that seriously means the world to me; I'm so happy that you enjoy my writing (: Thank you so so so much; Also, thanks so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means the world to me and to this story; and I appreciate it more then anything, (:  
**ilovetaylorswift13 **- KC's an asshole :P Haha. Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing this story; it seriously means so so so much to me and I appreciate it a lot! (:  
**Zephyr Hearts** - Awwwh, And I agree; What KC did was sooo incredibly mean /: And sorry for taking longer to update; I have trouble updating on the weekends because I'm with my friends, and not home. /: sorrry. And; I love long reviews so don't worry about it! (: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this story; it honestly means the world to me and I appreciate it more than anything, (:  
**RachRox12** - I hope that one day they do that story line on Degrassi also; it would be interesting and intense to watch (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it honestly means the world to me and I truly do appreciate it (:  
**Nydegrassigirl** - Haha; well this is an EClare story :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it really does mean so much to me and I appreciate it more than anything, (:  
**themeaganmarie** - Awwh, I'm so so happy that you like my story so much; it really does mean a lot to me (: Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing my story; it really does mean the world to me and I truly appreciate it more than anything (:  
**Elinfatuated **- I know he's Atheist, when I say 'I prayed to God', I more mean that he just really hoped that things would go the way he wanted them to go; sorry about that. And it not being funny is mentioned in this chapter (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story; it seriously means SOOO much to me and I honestly appreciate it (:  
**broken14yearoldheart** - Hahaha, it shall be interesting :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story; it really does mean a lot to me, and I appreciate it more than anything! (:  
**LovinMunro95** - Haha, I hoped that you were surprised :P And thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means the world to me, and to this story; I also appreciate it more then anything in the world, (:  
**Natsuki Sato** - I'm glad you liked it; and if this were in real life; I would feel really bad for Eli and I would actually be his friend. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story; it seriously means so much to me and I appreciate it so much! (:  
**TVIsMyDrug4** - KC is a jerk, and what he did was really mean /: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story; it really does mean a lot to me and I appreciate it SOO much! (:  
**anonymous** - Agreed, KC is really being a jerk /: And, thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; I honestly appreciate it so much, and it means the world to me, (:  
**Naiya vi Britainia** - Lmao! Yeah, I would do the same thing to him, if I could! :P Lmao. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the world to me, and to this story; I honestly appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**PullMeIntoTheDark -** Hahaha awwh, (: I'm happy that you love it (: It seriously means so much to me. Also, thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story, I really do appreciate it and it means the world to me (:  
**E.K. Rico** - I know, KC is a jerk in my story :P But I'm glad that you like it! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means so much to me and to this story; and I appreciate it more then anything in the world, (:  
**mylifeaslaurah **- Awwh (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means so much to me and to this story; and I appreciate it more then anything, (:  
**Eclare4ever123** - Awwwh, I am really happy that you like it, (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, it honestly means so much to me, and to this story. I also appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**AubreyMarie** - KC's an asshole, :P haha; and EClare willl be in this chapter! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story, it really does mean a lot to me; and I appreciate it more then anything in the world! (:  
**EclareAndFadamFan **- I am glad that I surprised you! :P And you'll see what Clare has to say about it this chapter! (: And Alli is pretty stupid :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means the world to me, and it means so much to this story. I appreciate it more than anything! (:  
**Waves of Rage** - Hahaha, who doesn't? :P Thank you for reading and reviewing my story; it really does mean so much to me and I really do appreciate it, (:  
**JM 13** - Awwh, really? (: Who says that? And I've never really thought about doing a sequel. Although, I'd like to finish this story first before I start any other stories. I usually write one story at a time, so that I don't lose focus on it all. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it really does mean a lot to me and I appreciate it sooo much! (:

**Song Suggestion** - "Shattered" by Trading Yesterday

-**My birthdays on Wednesday**! :P

Chapter Twelve  
"All Is Lost, Hope Remains"

The last bell rang, indicating that I was able to leave this school. Was it even a_ school_ anymore? It was more like a torture chamber. I felt so nervous - so unsafe being here. People acted like my dad committing such a disgusting crime was funny. My dad took some ones life away, there wasn't anything funny about that. I guess that people at Degrassi think it's funny to watch some one else suffer.

I approached my locker and saw a piece of paper that said _"Murder's Child"_ in red marker, taped to my locker. I ripped it off as fast as I could - so angry that I had that nickname - that I was known as the_ 'murderer's child'_. I turned to see Fitz and his friends laughing; which made me realize that the three of them had made my _beautiful _locker sign..

I approached the three of them - I wasn't going to take their teasing, pranks, and laughing.. It just wasn't who I am.

"Nice locker sign." I sarcastically said,

"Thanks, we hoped you would like it," Fitz sarcastically stated,

I rolled my eyes; "Can't you just back off?"

"And why would we do that?"

"Because I can't even stand to hear about my dad, I'm _disgusted_ by him and I haven't even talked to him since he was put in jail.. I'm not the _'Murderer's Son'_ - I'm nothing like my dad." I answered, trying to convince him that what he was doing was unfair and embarrassing

"Alright, let me break this down to you" His friends were laughing like they were in kindergarten, "We don't care if you like, love, hate, or don't care about your dad.. All we care about - is the fact that your dad killed your girlfriend, and we find it quite.. _Amusing_."

"How is that even funny? A girl is dead and you _barbarians_ find it amusing? You guys are disgusting,"

"So are you and your dad," Fitz walked away, his friends following him.

I closed my eyes for a moment - trying to escape this place, trying to get rid of all the pain that was boiling inside of me. I felt like I didn't belong at this school - I didn't belong anywhere. I would forever be known as the guy who's dad murdered his girlfriend.

I grabbed my backpack and walked out of Degrassi. As I was walking down the stairs, I heard a female voice call my name, I ignored it - and continued walking. Suddenly, a person was walking across the parking lot, next to me. I glanced to see Clare's big beautiful blue eyes, and her curly hair bouncing as she walked;

"Eli, can we talk?"

"About what? My father's criminal record?" I snapped, I didn't want to explain anything at this point. KC had told every one, every thing and now I was going to have to face up to it - to finally admit the truth, and face the facts.

"No, no - I'm not going to judge what your father did, Eli." Sure Clare, you're probably nervous to be around me now, like every one else is.. "I feel so bad about KC telling every one about your past - it's your past, and he shouldn't have ever gotten involved,"

"Yeah. He shouldn't of. Is that all you had to say?" I asked, annoyed, as I unlocked Morty's driver's seat door. I opened the door, and finally looked at Clare - giving her one last chance to speak to me.

"Are you mad at me.. Eli?" She asked, like she was scared of what my answer may be.

"Clare.." I paused, closing Morty's door, and stepping closer to her, we were only a step away from one another; "You have no idea what I'm going through right now. I have people coming up to me and laughing or saying things about my dad, to my face. I have people putting signs on my locker that say _'Murderer's Child'_. I have Fitz and his gang _stalking_ me, and telling me how funny they think this whole thing is. I'm the biggest outcast that any high school has ever had. I'm a joke," I needed to say this all to some one and it didn't matter who it was.

"Eli; they're all idiots - they all don't understand how it is for you - you've got to ignore them, they'll stop eventually."

"They should have never even started in the first place,"

Clare let out a deep breath - as if she didn't know how to respond. I wouldn't know how to respond either if Clare's dad had murdered her old boyfriend, and now every one at Degrassi knows about it...

"Want to go get coffee or some thing? Just to talk about things," She suggested,

"What about KC?" I wanted to know what was going on between them, if she was still with that scumbag.

"He approached me, after lunch, asking if we could just throw every thing behind us and continue on. I told him that he messed up his best friend's life, by telling every one about his past and that I couldn't date a guy like that,"

I felt a moment of happiness - the first one that I have experienced since this morning, when KC had confronted me. I almost felt like my lips were forming in to a small smile, one that was honestly true - a smile that I seriously enjoyed and didn't have to force. Clare stook up for me, Clare left the supposed _'love of her life' _for me..

"Watch out Clare, he might be just as reckless driving a car, as his dad was!" I heard a voice call out, I took my eyes off of Clare and saw Fitz with a group of about five kids all laughing hysterically.

That moment of happiness - that one moment that showed me that through this all, I could still have some one there for me.. Was all just ripped to pieces.

Clare turned back to me, her face was so pale and her mouth was slightly opened - like she didn't even know what to say.

I re-opened Morty's car door, and I entered the driver's seat. I then began driving once again, not being able to even be here. I was stuck in this situation and I never did anything wrong to begin with. My dad made the mistake, not me.. So why am I getting all the blame?

I pulled up to my house, and slammed the door as hard as I possibly could - I expected the window glass to shatter to pieces, but it didn't.. It just stayed silent..

I entered my house, slamming the door even harder then I slammed my car door.

"Eli!" My mother yelled, like she was disappointed that I had slammed the door so load, I entered the kitchen and saw both my parents sitting at the kitchen table,

"Do you understand what I go through every single fucking day of my life?" I screamed at the top of my lungs, unable to hold it in anymore, "The constant reminder of it all! Constantly having the memory rewind, stop, play - rewind, stop, play! I'm sick of it!" I was practically losing my mind.

My mom stood up, and the look on her face showed great concern,

"Eli! Honey, calm down." She begged,

Tears rushed to my eyes and I found that I wasn't capable of holding it all back anymore.

"They all know, mom, they all know!" I repeated. Tears actually escaped my eyes for the first time in a long time..

"Know what, Eli? Talk to me!" She begged, she looked so scared, so worried.

"They all know about dad! They all know that he's a murderer and that Julia's dead!"

"Eli, please, slow down and tell me every thing." My mom begged, even tears were in her eyes.

"I'm a joke! Every things a joke! They can't know!"

"Eli, you're scaring me! Please, stop and calm down." My mother pleaded,

I couldn't speak - I couldn't think. I couldn't believe any of this. I never cried. I hated crying. But here I am, screaming at the top of my lungs and crying. Like it was impossible not to. I was breaking down, little by little..

I felt like my entire body was shaking. I couldn't talk to my mom. I ignored her questions and concern - I just ran up the stairs, entered my room, and slammed the door - locking it after.

I took my hand, and swiped off all of the picture frames that were placed on my desk. They all flew off, hitting the ground, and breaking. The glass shattering every where, as the pictures layed there - unprotected. There were at least ten broken picture frames, just laying there..

I then kicked the wall, as hard as I could - trying to get all the frustration off of my chest. I kicked it once more, this time, my foot going through - causing there to be a hole there.

How could KC tell people? How could he tell them my deepest darkest secret?

Every thing that people were saying to me was running through my head.. Word for word.

_"Watch out Clare, he might be just as reckless driving a car, as his dad was!"_

_"See, we don't care if you like, love, hate, or don't care about your dad.. All we care about - is the fact that your dad killed your girlfriend, and we find it quite.. Amusing."_

This wasn't funny. None of it was. I lost my girlfriend and my dad. I lost every thing in one night - in thirty seconds, every thing was gone.

I felt like I was losing my mind, like I wasn't capable of pulling myself together at this point.

At least, I couldn't fix myself on my own.. I needed one specific person to help me at this point.

Even if I hated him.. My dad was the only person that could fix this. I needed to see him.

I opened my bedroom door, and sprinted down the stairs. I heard my mother calling my name, as I opened the front door - but I ignored her. I entered Morty and sped off. I needed closure; I needed an explanation.

* * *

The walls were white, but extremely dirty - as if they hadn't been painted in twenty years. The floor was a hard gray color. Nothing but a table and two chairs sat in the room. My fingers were tapping the table, as my foot continuously tapped the floor. I was nervous. 9 months and fourteen days since that night. I hadn't seen him in such a long time..

The door opened and my eyes immediately made contact with him. He looked at me surprised, like he wasn't expecting me, but some one else. He was seated across from me, I stared in to his eyes..

His eyes were filled with an apologetic stare, and sympathy. I felt sick. I wasn't sure if being with him made me feel sick or if it was how hurt and sad he had looked. He was once considered my father - my male figure - my role model. Now he's a monster - some one I would never dare to look up to - a mistake - a joke. He was every thing I hated,

But here I was..

Begging for a conversation - an explanation, just some thing to let me understand what had happened and why it happened. I felt sick every time I thought of the memory - just the thought of him hitting Julia, then sitting in his driver's seat - drinking it all away. He acted like drinking was the solution.. Like it was okay to always be drunk and miss numerous events of your only sons life.

He sat down across from me, and some thing in me wanted to jumped over the table, and attack him - punching out every last bit of life that he had. The other part of me, wanted to yell at him and remind him that he took a teenage girl's life away. He took a young girl away from her family, her friends.. and her boyfriend.

"I haven't seen you in a year," He stated,

"Nine months, and fourteen days actually,"

He looked away from me - like he was embarrassed or some thing. He should be. He probably doesn't even remember that night..

"Why are you here then Eli, you were doing so fine with out me - why come back to me now?" He asked; like he was confused to why his SON wanted to see him.. See, he was never the greatest father..

"I transferred schools, after what you did because every one thought I was a freak. Every one thought that I was going to be an alcoholic murderer like my father." That was harsh, "So I transferred schools.. And now, at my new school, every one found out about you and about Julia.. And I never hear the end of it. People tape things to my locker, shout things at me, laugh in my face, and continuously remind me of how fucked up my life is,"

"Eli, I'm sorry."

"Sorry isn't good enough now dad. Sorry would have been good enough the night you killed Julia."

"There's nothing I can do now, I messed up.. What's done is done."

"Nothing should have to be _done_! Julia's life shouldn't be _done_!" I snapped,

"Eli, I wish things weren't done. I wish that I was able to realize that I had a drinking problem, and stop it before I took some girl's life away,"

"She wasn't just _some girl_, dad.. She was _my girl_. She was my girlfriend,"

"I know Eli, and I am sorry for taking her from you," He paused, "Can you even imagine how it is to sit in a four foot cold cell, isolated from the world, having to lay in bed and think about how you murdered some one?" I don't feel bad for you.

"No dad - how about you imagine losing the greatest person to ever come in to your life? Maybe you should think of how it felt when I walked up to your car and saw my girlfriend, bleeding every where, while she layed on the middle of the road - and then I looked to see who was in the driver's seat, and it was you drinking beers like nothing ever happened to begin with! How about you imagine how it is for every one at your school to think that your destined to be an alcoholic murderer! I have a new nickname, dad, want to know what it is? _Murderer's Child_!" I exploded and let every word that was in my head out. I needed him to know that I was effected the most out of this.

"Eli, I've never made a bigger mistake.." Clearly, "And I'm sorry that you were in the middle of this and I'm sorry that I messed your life up. I would honest to God, do any thing to fix what I've done. I would go back in time and change it.. But I can't,"

"I know you can't, dad" I murmured, "But you never showed remorse, until now,"

"I was messed up - I was scared about going to jail - I couldn't even think straight, I was a mess."

"How do you think I felt?" I asked, "Do you think I was happy? Do you think that knowing that my drunk father, ran over my girlfriend, and killed her, made me happy?" Tears suddenly came to my eyes, "I miss her, dad. I miss her more than anything, and she wouldn't be gone if I didn't call you to get a ride. She would still be here if it wasn't for me,"

"Eli, as much as it hurts to say this - I'm the one to blame; not you, not her, not any one else, but me. I made the decision to drink all that beer when I knew that I was going to pick you up that night - I made the decision to continue drinking, even when I was driving. I made the decision to not look at the road and notice a girl walking all by herself. I made all of these decisions, and the only decision that you made; was to trust me,"

"I was never really good at decision making," I wanted to be harsh. I needed him to feel the pain that I feel.

My dad smiled,

"Because discussing your criminal record and past murders, is just _so funny_," I sarcastically stated - annoyed to why he had smiled.

"I'm sorry, I know that none of this is funny; it's just.." He paused, "You remind me of your mother - the way you guys get so angry and look like you want to punch me straight in the face," He smiled, but his smile suddenly faded - "How's she doing?" He paused, "I haven't seen her since the arrest"

"She's fine. Jack lives with us now, and every things _perfect_." I wanted him to feel left out - like he wasn't apart of the family.

"I miss you guys so much,"

"I miss the old you." He began, "The dad that I had when I was twelve - that's when you never drank and all you ever wanted to do was play sports with your son and help me finish huge school projects, the night before they were due.. I miss the old you, but the alcoholic one... I can't even stand to look at,"

"And when I get out of here.. I'll never be that alcoholic one again.. I'll be good, I promise."

"I don't think you're welcome home.. _dad_. I don't think any of us want you back,"

"I'll have to work for forgiveness?"

I hesitated to answer; "No, you won't" I paused, "Because you'll never get it."

I stood up and walked out;

I couldn't be nice to him.

I refused to be nice to him.

* * *

I sat in my room, finally calmed down from the day - I had all the anger out of my system; and now I just felt like nothing. I couldn't even say what emotion I was, because I honestly didn't have any emotion. All I was doing was sitting on my bed, staring forward - in complete silence. I felt like I was in isolation - like I was my father, and was forced to sit in a cold room, all alone, all the time.

My phone rang with a text message;

"_Come outside_,"

To go outside or to ignore her..

I wasn't sure what to do.

Without debating in my head, or arguing with my decision, I stood up from my bed and walked downstairs. I stood in front of the door, hesitating to open it - wondering what would be on the other side of it. I finally grabbed the handle, with my hand, and turned it - I opened the door to see Clare sitting on my front steps, all alone.

I walked outside, closed the door and just stood there.

Clare quickly stood up and looked like she was speechless,

"_Eli_" She mumbled my name, I nodded; "How are you?"

"Just got back from seeing my dad.." I paused, "_My real dad_,"

"And how did that go?" She asked, it seemed like she actually wanted to know - like for once, some one was actually interested in my life.

"Bad," I answered,

"Why?"

"I went in there angry and left there angry," I answered, "I kept telling him that things wouldn't be the same; and I was being harsh."

"Are you okay?"

"Not really," I murmured.

"Do you need to talk about it?"

"Clare.. Can you just tell me why you're here?" I asked; begging for some sort of explanation.

"I feel horrible.. Eli." She told me, "I feel bad that KC told every one about your dad and about Julia, I feel bad that people are messing with you, I feel bad that you lost a best friend, and I just.. I feel so bad for pushing you away and acting like I didn't like you," She paused once more; "You honestly made me feel better then KC ever did. You treated me so perfectly, and I acted like I didn't want you.. When I did - and I still do."

I was speechless.

Clare still likes me?

"I don't really know what to say to that," At least I was being honest..

"If you need time or you don't even want me to begin with - just tell me,"

I wasn't sure if this was too soon or a bad decision, because I was currently emotionally unstable, but..

I kissed her.


	14. Chapter 13

**LovinMunro95 **- Hahaha, agreed (: Yay for Eclare! :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. Like, it honestly means the world to me and I truly appreciate it! (:  
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**themeaganmarie** - Fitz is a douchebag! :P And I am happy that you liked the chapter (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the world to me, and to this story. I seriously appreciate it so much! (:  
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**PullMeIntoTheDark** - Hahaha! (: I am happy that you think it was a good chapter and happy ending! (: Haaha. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this story. It really does mean a lot to me and I honestly appreciate it so much! (:  
**TVIsMyDrug4** - Haha, awwh (: I'm glad that you think that! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**Elinfatuated** - Awwh! Thanks soo much for the 'Happy Birthday'! And Degrassi needs to be back in like one day! Haha (: I need Goldsworthy! And awwh, when's your birthday? I wish an EClare episode aired on my birthday! I'm so happy that you enjoyed the chapter, (: And I haven't seen Munro's hair, where can I see it! Now I'm really interested to see what it looks like! And haha yeah! Why was giving up headphones so easy for him? Hmmm... Interesting :P And maybe Ms. Dawes just has the same pair of headphones, or Clare enjoys lending Eli's headphones to her teachers? Haha yeah, I have no idea about any of that.. Hahaha. (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story, it means the world to me and I honestly appreciate it more then anything! (:  
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**Zephyr Hearts** - The song Shattered is like one of my all time favorites! (: I have both versions on my ipod, and I seriously adore them. I love those two songs! They are so amazing! And awwwh! I hope you getting emotional was a good thing (: And seriously, you saying that it's one of the best means the world to me. Like it really does mean so so so much to me! Thank you so much. (: Also, thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story, it means the world to me and I honestly appreciate it so much! (:  
**ilovetaylorswift13 **- I'm glad you liked the chapter (: Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the world to me, and to this story. I also appreciate it more then like anything! (:  
**livetowrite4 **- Awwhh, I'm glad that you think it's good (: And I'm so happy that you like the way I explain his anger. (: Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing this story; it means the world to me and I appreciate it so much! (:  
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**Song Suggestion** - "Enchanted" by Taylor Swift

-ahh! 200 reviews! I'm so happy! Thank you guys sooo much for reviewing.  
You guys are honestly the greatest ever! Thank you so much! (:

-Sorrry for not updating! I had school today, & it sucked since it's my BIRTHDAY (:  
well, it's the end of my birthday, anyways. Well, I had school, my friends came over,  
went out to dinner and then came back to my house and had cake with my family  
and it was alll busy :P I apologize for not updating though! Pleaseee forgive me, (:

Chapter Thirteen  
"I Was Enchanted To Meet You"

As our lips pulled away, I felt this electric feeling traveling through my body. Like the kiss was overwhelming - in a really good way though. My hand remained on her cheek, as our foreheads rested against one another.

"Clare," I murmured her name, she didn't respond but I knew that she wanted me to continue, "We should wait,"

Clare pulled her forehead away from mine, I took my hand off her face, and wrapped my arms around her waist, to keep her from pulling completely away from me.

"What, why?" She seemed caught off guard,

"We should wait to be together until this all blows over - all the drama with my dad and all the teasing needs to end before people find out about us. If we get together now; people will only give you a hard time, and me an even harder one,"

"Eli, I don't care about what others say or think about us - all we need is each other, right?" I didn't want Clare's life to be a living Hell, as mine was. Us waiting to be together was the best thing that we could do at this point.

"All we need is each other," I murmured, showing that I agreed with her statement; "But for now, things shouldn't be public."

"Can we at least be together when we're not in school? That way, people won't see us," She suggested, making it so I couldn't say no,

"Yeah. Just.. No one can know," I responded,

"Why though?" She asked, pausing for a moment; "Are you sure that it's only because you don't want me to get teased?"

"That's the only reason Clare, I promise. I can't wait to tell every one that we're together - I feel honored to be with you; I just don't want people to be as mean to you, as they're being to me. I'm looking out for you, and I swear that in a month or two - We can make it public,"

Clare nodded - she seemed a little disappointed, but also satisfied. I kissed her once more, and then we hugged - holding on to each other ever so tightly. I think we were hugging because we realized that we were all that each other had. She and KC weren't dating, and she was currently mad at Ali. With me, every one thought I was crazy and weird.

We were outcasts, trying to make it through it all with just each other.

* * *

It was 2 in the morning, and I sat in the kitchen, feeling alone and tired - but not ready to sleep. I almost felt like I wouldn't be able to. The thoughts of Julia being gone, and my father sitting in that cell all alone, scared me. The thoughts of this entire situation made it unbearable to sleep. I was scared that I'd experience a nightmare, ones that I used to have after the accident.

My parents had decided not to go out tonight, because they had realized how freaked out I was about this entire situation. It was thunder storming and the rain hit the windows like bullets. All the lights in the house were turned off - the only light to come in was the lightning. I sat there, not making a sound - just staring out the window, as the rain shot down, and the lightning lit up.

"You're still up?" I heard a deep voice ask. I turned my head to see my _step_ dad, Jack. I considered him to be my real father, but I need to face the facts sooner or later, and considering that the entire school knows that he's not my real dad - I should probably face them sooner. He sat down on the chair next to me,

I nodded, unable to speak - not _wanting_ to speak. I felt like if I spoke - I would break down once again.

"You know.." He paused, "What those kids at school think doesn't matter, it's what you and your family and your friends think," I suppose he makes a good argument, but.. He's not the one who has to attend a school where people think you're going to murder them.

"It's hard, you know?" He doesn't know, no one does. "It's hard knowing that your father made such a big mistake. It's hard to think about how he's going to spend the next fifteen years, all alone, in a cold cell - just sitting there. I just can't begin to believe that he used to be the guy that I played sports with, the guy that I played catch with - the guy that taught me every thing I know."

"Eli, things are going to be hard, and they are going to be for a while," He reminded me - "But you're going to get past this, and the only way you can is by forgiving your father. In order to have a pleasant and peaceful memory of Julia.. You have to put away all those hard feelings,"

"_Forgive him_? I can't even _look_ at him," I said, feeling so hurt by the fact that my father is unbearable to even look at.

"And in time, you'll be capable of talking to him and you'll realize that through every thing - forgiveness is the only answer,"

"Easier said then done," I responded,

"It may sound hard now, but if you don't forgive him - then one day, when your 30, 40, 50 years old.. You'll realize that you spent more then half of your life, hating on the man that raised you. It may seem hard, but it's for the best,"

He then stood up and walked away. I was there, left alone, once again. I always seemed to be alone though, it was a regular thing for a guy like me. I often isolated myself from every one and especially now. I felt like the only people that I could trust were my parents and Clare.. No one else.

* * *

My eyes flickered opened and I immediately felt a sense of sickness; like going to school was throwing myself in to a pit of lions. I rolled off of my bed - barely capable of standing up at this point. I suffered from not getting enough sleep. I always stayed up, lying in my bed, just thinking about things. There were times where I only got three to four hours of sleep.

I suppose that it was an odd sleeping arrangement, but I had personally gotten used to it - even if others would call me crazy.

I brushed my teeth and changed my clothes. God, I hated getting ready in the morning; I hated going to school; I hated every one at school. All in all, I should of never transferred schools.

I'm sure that I would have eventually met Clare, and eventually taken her from KC.. I never had to switch schools, I did it because KC asked me to. KC begged me to switch schools, and I was naive enough to believe that the two of us would always remain friends. Yeah.. _I was stupid._

I walked downstairs, seeing that both my parents were already eating their breakfast. Apparently I had gotten up later then usual, considering the fact that my mother is usually in the middle of cooking breakfast by the time that I get downstairs.

"Good morning Eli; anything to eat?" Not in the mood to eat right now, actually.

"No, I feel a little sick anyway. I'll just wait to eat till lunch," I began to walk away, and was standing on the verge of opening the front door, when I heard my mother's voice,

"I love you, _Eli_" Her voice sounded so broken - like she was just as scared as I was - if that was even possible. I looked back and looked her right in the eyes,

"I love you too mom,"

* * *

Pulling up to Degrassi gave me the most disturbing feeling. I felt scared, nervous, embarrassed, awkward, lonely, and defensive. I felt like every thing that any one said to me would be an insult, or some thing rude. I couldn't deal with the rude remarks, stares, or pranks. I felt like I was back in sixth grade again, when I had those certain bullies who picked on me because I was a few inches shorter.

Fitz was a typical bully. One that picks on those who are a little smaller, and have personal problems. He hits you where it hurts the most - _example_; my father and Julia. Bullies like him were the most obnoxious; the ones that you really wanted to get rid of.

I parked Morty, and sat there for a moment. I felt like staying in Morty was more safe then going in to that school. Actually, I think that driving with my eyes closed is more safe then entering Degrassi at this point. I never thought that a school could be so.. frightening.

I heard a loud thud. I turned to see that Fitz had punched the front of Morty - not leaving any damage, thankfully. If you asked me, he isn't strong.. He may be mentally strong, but physically.. He's only got height.

I rolled my eyes and opened the driver's seat door. I slammed the door as hard as possible, showing that I was not happy - but then again, he probably already knows that. I walked up to him, with as much confidence possible, I needed to make it seem as if I wasn't scared or intimidated.

"What's your problem today?" I asked, annoyed,

"Eli, did you honestly believe that the teasing, pranks, and laughter were only going to last a day? If you did, you are even stupider then I originally thought," Thanks Fitz,

"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot that we were in Kindergarten and made fun of one another for things that occurred in the past," I sarcastically replied, "You don't even know the real story,"

"Then tell me the real story," He paused, "Right here, right now - if you want people to know the truth, then tell me what happened, and I'll make sure that the entire school hears the _real_ side of the story," he demanded. I almost felt like he was mocking me, though, Like he didn't believe that my story was any different then KC's.

"I don't have to prove myself to you. I know what happened that night, no one else does,"

"I'm sure that Julia and your dad do," I wanted to punch him, as hard as possible. I wanted to slam his head in to the ground until he apologized for every word that ever came out of his mouth,

"I'm too old for this," I muttered, as I turned around to walk away. I wasn't going to fight back anymore, if Fitz wanted to mess with me - then let him. There was nothing that I could do to make him stop, so why even bother? Tough guys always seem to win, why fight it..

I entered Degrassi, all eyes on me - not in a good way though. It was more of that negative energy, the type that makes you feel like an outcast, or a nobody, for that matter. I approached my locker, and saw that Clare was slowly pacing in front of it; as if she was waiting for me or some thing. I walked up to her, with a smirk on my face,

"Hello there, what can I do for you this morning?" I know that I was in a horrible mood, but I needed some one to brighten up my morning.. and the only person that could, was Clare.

I began to unlock my locker; "Do you want to go to that abandoned field that you showed me, that one time, after school?" She asked, nervously. The abandoned field was a memory-filled place, but with Clare - I wanted to add more memories to it. I wanted Clare to be apart of some of the most memorable times of my life.

"Yeah, that sounds like fun," I responded, opening my locker and grabbing all of my books.

"Okay, pick me up at 3:30?"

"_Perfect_" I stated,

"Alright. I better go get my books from my locker. See you second period," I smiled,

"See you then," With that, Clare walked away. We couldn't kiss or hug at Degrassi, because people weren't supposed to know about the two of us. Honestly, we shouldn't even be talking or communicating in any way at this point. Just the entire idea of people teasing Clare made me sick. I refused to allow Clare to suffer, because of me.

I stood there, staring in to my messy and unorganized locker. I felt like every thing was mess in my life right now. My friendships, my family, my grades, my reputation, my locker..

I wasn't capable of putting all the pieces together. I never was satisfied with the way things were in my life. I could never pull every thing together and be happy for more then a month. Some thing or some one always had to get in the way; I always screwed some thing up.

Story of my life.

* * *

First and second period flew by faster then ever. Probably because I either day-dreamed or literally fell asleep for both classes. Sleeping and drifting off in to random thoughts seems to be more pleasant then actually staying awake and having to attempt to pay attention.

I entered the cafeteria, almost feeling like I was entering Hell. I slowly walked in and noticed that I felt so unfamiliar to every one. I barely knew anyone in the lunch room.. But they all knew me. How did I know this? 75 percent of the lunch room was glancing at me, and making comments to the others who sat at their table.

I stood there for a minute or two, until I heard a random yell -

"Murderer's child!" A very unfamiliar voice, one that didn't belong to Fitz or KC, yelled out.

At that point, I was done. I walked out of the cafeteria and entered various dark and empty halls. I approached my locker, and glanced around - seeing that no one else was around. I then kicked my locker as hard as I possibly could, I punched it after, and then slammed my head on to it. I turned so that my back was against my locker. I slid down my locker, and found myself sitting on the floor.

I stared forward and took deep breaths. I'm not a murderer's child - I'm just unfortunately related to a criminal, who had no intentions on committing the crime that he had committed.. I might as well face it.. I am the _Murderer's Child._

Honestly, I don't even understand how so many people have learned about what happened to me. I'm sure that the real story has been changed around and rearranged so that it sounds more gory and disturbing. My father wasn't sadistic, he was just stupid. No one knows what seriously happened that night, and until they personally approach me and ask for the honest story.. They won't know.

"Assholes," I heard a voice speak, I turned my head to see Clare Edwards standing there with a brown paper lunch bag in her hand. "Those guys in there are idiots - they only tease people to make themselves look cooler, as if they were ever cool to begin with," I couldn't help but smile,

"You don't have to eat out here with me, I'm fine being alone," As always, I didn't want Clare to suffer, just because I was suffering.

"But I'd like to eat lunch with you, unless being alone is preferred,"

"I would rather have you here." I told her, she smiled and sat down next to me. She opened her lunch bag and handed me a red apple. "I'm not hungry, you can have it,"

"I hate red apples, but my mom insists on packing them for lunch," She responded, "Trust me, you can have it," I smirked and took a bite out of the apple.

"Why hate red apples? I've seen you eat green ones before."

"I suppose that I'm a _selective_ person"

"You're selective about the _color_ of fruit you eat?" I asked, a little amused by this.

"Yes. Yes I am." She said, smiling after. I chuckled, and realized that I couldn't take my eyes off of her..

She was just perfect.

* * *

The clock struck 3:30, and I didn't hesitate to leave my house. Ever since I had my breakdown yesterday, my parents have been very cautious and seem to be very picky with the words that they say. They also remain very quiet. I personally think that my mother is a very hurt by the whole situation; she doesn't want her son to suffer because her former husband was an idiot.

I understand where she's coming from. I wouldn't want my child's life to be the way that mine is. That's why I promise to never put my child through any thing similar to what my dad put me through. Wise choices make a wise man.

I pulled up to the Edward's home, and couldn't help but smile. Just knowing that in a short amount of time, Clare would be running out of that house to come meet me, excited me. I was so happy that she was finally mine. Through all the lying and secret feelings - I got her. I finally got Clare.

Without texting or calling, I saw that Clare was exiting her house and making her way towards Morty. She looked beautiful, as always, with a bright smile on her face. Her smile was contagious, her smiling caused me and many around me to smile. Her energy and happiness rubbed off on others.

Having Clare around was the best feeling in the world. Just having Clare in your life was a good feeling.

Clare entered the passenger's seat, and smiled at me,

"Off to the mysterious abandoned field?" She asked,

"Of course," I answered, with a smile. I began driving, and then turned the radio on - I know that she wasn't too in to the music I was in to - "You can choose the song,"

Clare smirked, and leaned over to change the station. She stopped at a very familiar song, I squinted my eyes for a moment, attempting to remember why this song was ever so familiar. I glanced at Clare and saw that she was looking at me like she was waiting for me to get what the song was from,

"Familiar song, huh? Can you guess what it is?" She challenged me, with a smile on her face,

"_Here I was again tonight forcing laughter, faking smiles, same old tired, lonely place. Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy vanished when I saw your face.. All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you_" The lyrics rang a bell, but I couldn't put a memory or name to them.

"It's that song _Enchanted_, the one that we listened to when we ditched school and came to the field for the first time!" I yelled, excited that I finally realized what the song was from. Clare and I, when we ditched school because she was crying, listened to this song on the way to the field.

"Correct sir!" She responded, smiling after, "I'm happy that you remembered. I didn't think that you would."

"You don't have faith in me, Edwards?" I joked,

"Not really," She replied, with a devilish smile on after. I softly laughed.

_"This night is sparkling, don't you let it go. I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home. I'll spend forever wondering if you knew, I was enchanted to meet you." _

"I was _enchanted_ to meet you," I stated to Clare.

Clare looked at me and smiled, "I feel the same way,"

We pulled up the field and I parked Morty, and we both exited the car.

We both began walking towards the field together. Once we reached the tree, that we had sat at before, we stopped walking, and I sat down - my back against the tree, and Clare sitting very close to me - just like the first time we were here. I felt like I was experiencing that memory again. Every thing was the same. The song, the way we were sitting, and that special vibe that we shared between the two of us.

"So, how was your school day?" I asked, making conversation, even if it was about school,

"I had a pretty decent time actually." She answered,

"Any drama?" I knew that there was drama - lately, there always is..

"I don't want to talk about it," Okay, it clearly involved me.

"Honestly I bet that it wasn't even that bad, Just tell me."

"KC and Fitz were just messing with me,"

"About what?" I became extremely angry - how could those two mess with such an innocent and lovable girl like Clare? I swear, if they did anything bad, things won't be okay.

"They saw me talking to you this morning, by your locker and were just saying how having any communication with you.." She paused, "_Threatens my life_,"

"I knew people were going to mess with you!" I was so annoyed - why was my life an opened book for every one to read?

"No, Eli! It's fine," She attempted to calm me down, "Don't get so angry about it, please. I just want to have a good relaxing day today, I'm sick of all the drama," She pleaded. I felt bad and decided to fulfill her wishes and not get so angry and frustrated with those two neanderthals.

I rolled my eyes; "Only for you, Clare." I murmured, she smiled and I did the same.

"How's your family?"

"My mom is taking it all kind of hard. She's been crying a lot ever since yesterday; she feels like it's her fault that I'm getting bullied, because she never acknowledged my dad's drinking problem.. She claims she could of saved Julia, my father, and me," Best part about Clare - I wasn't scared to tell her things. I felt like I could just unleash all of my feelings and she wouldn't have a negative comment to say. She always listened and understood.

"Are you talking to anyone in your family?"

"I went to see my dad yesterday, as you know. And, my mom and me are both acting the same - being very silent and just barely making any noise. Jack, my step dad, had a talk with me this morning.. Claiming that the only way to fix things in my life, is to fix the relationship between my father and me. He said that Julia's memory will never be a happy one, if I can't let go of all the negative feelings about the way she died,"

"Promise not to get mad?" Bad sentence to start anything off with.. I nodded, "What exactly happened? I heard more then enough rumors, but they all seem so mixed up and like they're missing information," She paused, "if you don't want to tell me, you don't have to." She assured me, seeming as if she felt like she 'crossed the line' by asking,

"No, it's fine.. I'll tell you." I felt okay with Clare, like I was able to tell her. "As I told you before, Julia ran off - after we had argued.. Well, I had called my dad a few minutes before the fight and had told him to pick me up. I wasn't having a good night anyways, and really just wanted to go home and have time to think every thing through before I got in to any fights. Julia left, and I stood there - pacing back and forth, ignoring every one - just trying to analyze every thing in my head, and find out what I really wanted to do. I had finally come to the decision that I wanted to be with her, that I couldn't lose her over some stupid flirting at a party. I decided that I was going to fight for her - and make every thing up to her. I texted her saying - _'I'm sorry about all of this, I was acting stupid. I love you, call me when you can. Please.'" _I paused, I felt like my throat was closing. Like the memory was crushing every thing inside of me. Reliving it all seemed like torture, "I got no response, and after about five minutes of waiting - my ringtone went off. The caller ID said that it was my father. I opened the phone, expecting him to tell me that he was parked down the block - waiting for me, or some thing like that. All he said was to meet him five blocks down from the party - when I asked why it was so far away, he said that it was just very necessary and that I needed to come immediately. He hung up with out giving any further explanation. I decided that whatever he needed must be important, and began walking. It took me about five minutes to get to where he was. I walked up slowly, just seeing a dark empty road, with my family car, turned on, stopped in the middle of the street. I remember squinting my eyes and becoming so extremely confused to why my father had randomly parked. I came to the conclusion that he was too drunk to drive, and needed me to take over the wheel from there.. Sadly.. I was wrong." I paused, "I approached the car, and looked inside - to see my father, with a beer bottle in his hand - just sitting there, drinking it like nothing was wrong. He was staring forward, barely blinking. I turned my head, to see what he was looking at - and there Julia was laying there. Every thing went silent for a moment, like the entire world stopped. I sprinted towards her, and fell to my knees. I was grabbing her shoulders, and yelling her name - I checked her pulse, and looked to see if she was breathing. I began crying, and I held her in my arms for a few minutes. My emotions then switched from sad to angry. I stood from the ground and stomped over to my father's car. I opened the car door, knowing that he was extremely intoxicated - and pulled him out by his shirt. I threw him to the ground and punched him in the face more times then I can count. He couldn't defend himself, he was in no way capable of defending himself at that point. I never stopped punching him, until the ambulance pulled up, with a cop car following. A police men pulled me off of my dad, and threw me in the back of his car. The paramedics then sprinted to Julia. I remember just being completely still - as I watched them work on her - trying to save her from the terrible fate that my father had chosen for her,"

My eyes probably resembled the cleanest glass - because my throat felt like it was closed, and my face felt like it was on fire. I felt like I was about to burst out with tears - but I knew I couldn't. I had been crying and being so sad, too much lately and needed to just accept what happened. I needed to be thankful for ever having Julia in my life, to begin with.

"I'm so sorry, Eli." Clare murmured, "I never knew that things were so hard for you. Julia would want you to be happy, and I agree with your step dad.. In order for you to be happy, you need to forgive your dad.. I'm sure that Julia wants you to forgive him and I know that some where, deep inside.. You want to forgive him too."

She was right,

"I'm scared to forgive him,"

"Don't be, Eli.. Fear is only holding you back,"

I nodded, and looked down - trying to hide how sad I really was. Clare took notice to the way I was hurt, and immediately hugged me as tight as possible. I wrapped my arms around her as tight as I could, as I held her like she was the only thing left in the world.

"Don't ever leave me," I whispered, I knew that if I talked loud, she would hear the tears that were about to come out of my eyes.

"I never will,"

We sat there; hugging each other like nothing else mattered.

Well..

Nothing else really does matter.


	15. Chapter 14

**Elinfatuated** - Thanks for wishing me a happy birthday (: And I had a greaat time. Awwh, my friend has the same birthday as you! I'll make sure to wish you a happy birthday on your birthday! (: I'm scared for the April 22 episode, I think that's when Eli's in the car driving. I hope every thing turns out okay /: And his hair is so long! Hahah. Oh my Goldsworthy. Haha. No worries! I would make clones too! :P Ever since Eli came on to Degrassi, I keep judging boys by thinking of the way Eli acts? Lmao. I know it's weird; but he set like reallly high standards for boys! Haha. Clare's a lucky one. (: And EClare fluff will be coming soon, no worries. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story (: It truly means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**E. K. Rico** - I'm glad you loved it (: And thank you so much for the happy birthday! (: It means a lot to me! Also, thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story, it means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**Natsuki Sato** - I hate bullies and rumors. Fake rumors are sooo annoying. Haha; Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means so much to me and to this story; I also appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**ilovetaylorswift13** - Awwh, I'm happy that you liked it (: They are acting extremely immature, /: Thank you soo much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means so much to me and I honestly appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**Zephyr Hearts** - Oh my Goldsworthy, I LOVE that song. I heard it a long time ago, and used to be seriously obsessed with it. I totally forgot about that song. Thanks for reminding me of it, I might start listening to it again! (: I'm glad that my story got you emotional, since you said it was a good thing! (: Awwwwh, I'm so glad that you love this story. Like it honestly means soo much to me, and I appreciate it SOO much. (: Thanks for saying happy birthday :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it seriously means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**clareandeliforever **- Hahaha, thanks for the happy birthday wish! :P And I'll think about the Clare telling KC off thing :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it means the world to me, and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**themeaganmarie** - Awwh, I'm glad that you enjoy the way I express their thoughts/feelings (: And awwh (: I'm really happy that you get a the worlds cheesiest smile when I update :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means so much to me and to this story; I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**RachRox12 **- Haha, I'm glad that you liked it. Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing; it means so much to me and to this story; I also appreciate it more then anything (:  
**TVIsMyDrug4 **- I'm happy that you loved it! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It honestly means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**LovinMunro95** - It is really sad /: But I'm super happy that you like what I'm doing with this story! (: It really does mean a lot to me. (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, it honestly means the world to me and to this story; I also appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**freakaroundtown** - Haha, awwh (: I'm glad that you liked it! (: It means so much to me. Also, Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; It seriously means the world to me, and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**TheMsdegrassi **- I'm glad that you love it and think that it's to the point and has a lot of emotion (: Like, it honestly means the entire world to me, (: Thank you so much (: Also, thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means so much to me and to this story; I appreciate it more then anything (:  
**AubreyMarie** - Awwwwh, I'm glad that you thought it was amazing (: Forgiveness is the best way to get through tough situations. Thanks for the happy birthday wish (: And I'm soooo happy that you get happy when I update (: It really does mean a lot to me. (: Also, thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; It truly means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything (:  
**MunroChambersPandemonium** - Awwwh, Like honestly I'm sooo honored that you love my story; and think it's so good; like it honestly means so much to me. (: And I'm soo happy that you go straight to my story; it really means so much to me. (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it means the world to me and I honestly appreciate it so much. (:  
**strawberry030** - I'm glad that you like my story (: And the hug in Umbrella Part Two was the cutest hug in the world! :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it seriously means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:

**Song Suggestion** - "Say What You Will" by Damhnait Doyle

Please forgive me for not updating for the whole week. I've been  
sooo busy with a lot of stuff. I promise to update more often now! (:

Chapter Fourteen  
"Say What You Will,  
Before It's Too Late"

"If you had to be one animal, in this entire world, what would it be?" I asked Clare, as we both sat there; laughing and talking about insignificant things that didn't really matter.

"A lion!" Clare shouted out, giggling after. I couldn't help but laugh,

"A_ lion_?" I asked, questioning her answer.

"Yeah," She answered, I smiled and jokingly rolled my eyes,

"You're a freak, Edwards." I joked, Clare playfully hit my arm, "Hey! Violence is not the answer!"

"It's the only answer I got," Clare said with a bright smile on her face. I smiled and we were silent for a moment, both of our smiles faded as we just looked each other in the eyes. I was lost in her beautiful ocean eyes.

"I love you,"

Without responding, Clare leaned in and kissed me,

"I love you too, Eli."

"If you really do.. Can you come with me, some where?" I asked,

"Where?"

* * *

It was about 6 PM, and Clare and I were taking a drive. We had a destination, but I wasn't too excited about it. I don't think Clare knew how to feel about the entire thing. I felt my hands shaking, like I wasn't capable of gripping the wheel in the right way. I wasn't capable of doing anything at this point, I don't even think me driving is a good idea.

I turned the car, and parked in a car-filled parking lot. I let out a deep breath, as I took the keys out of the ignition.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Clare asked, I don't know if I am ready. I don't think I am, actually.

"Maybe," I muttered, unsure of anything I was even saying or thinking at this point.

"We can do this some other time,"

"No." I quickly replied, "Forgiveness is the only way to let go."

Clare nodded, I hesitated to open the driver's seat door, but eventually did. I needed to be strong about this entire thing. I needed to step up and get it over with. I needed to let go of all the problems and negative feelings towards my father. I've already lost so much time, hating on my dad, when I could have been forgiving him.

I've spent far too much time hating thinking about Julia, when I could of loved remembering her. The only way that I can love remembering her life, is to forgive the man who took it all away.

As we were walking towards the prison - Clare softly grabbed my hand, and held on to it. I felt comfort, and warmth - like Clare's hand holding mine, made every thing better. Just knowing that she was here with me, made me feel like every thing was okay and that in the end, it would all work out.. For the better.

We entered the prison and I approached the front desk.

"I'm here to see Mr. Goldsworthy," I said his name softly, dreading the thought of sitting in that dirty white room with him again. The lady nodded,

The woman was familiar, from last time I had visited,

"You're his son, right?" She asked, remembering me also. I nodded,

"Yes," I was ashamed. I was his son. I was related to him. I was destined to be like my father.

She nodded, "One minute please," She walked away. I stood there nervously, with Clare.

Clare rested her head on my shoulder, I held on to her hand tighter then before,

"I'm here for you," She whispered, I smirked.

After standing there for about ten minutes; the lady came back to us.

"Right this way," She stated, as she led us down an empty hallway - that was filled with numerous rooms, where inmates met with their visitors. She stopped at one of the rooms, where a police men was waiting. He turned the unlock the door, and opened it - I saw the empty room - no one but a security guard was in it.

"Take a seat. Mr. Goldsworthy will be present in a moment," The lady stated, before leaving the room. Clare and I entered the room, and the guard shut the door.

"Want me to leave?" Clare asked,

"No," I quickly answered, "_I need you_,"

Clare nodded, and the two of us sat down at one side of the table. We both were facing the door, giving us the ability to see who ever were to enter.

My foot was continuously tapping on the door, and I felt so lost. I felt my lips shiver; the shiver ran through all of my veins. I then scratched my neck, and let out a deep breath. Clare and I were no longer holding hands, I was far too nervous to have any contact with anyone at this time.

I let out a very deep breath, as I awaited the arrival of my father. This was it. Forgiveness has been found. It was time to let the past go. _Take the past, burn it up, and let it go_.

The door slowly opened to reveal a man - a man who seemed broken and dark. He looked as if he had no faith in the world, like the only thing he could do was slowly crumble by himself - letting each comment and rude look hurt him more then ever before. I looked away from him. Unbearable to even see him.

I hated seeing him like this; like he had no life left in him. I looked back up at him, and saw that his face had more light to it - as he stared at me. Like seeing me had brightened up his day, and made it just a little better then before. As much as I despise him, knowing that I can be the light to his day, made me feel so much better.

He sat down, and smiled,

"Who's this girl?" He asked, with a smile on his face, looking as if he was proud of me.

"Clare," I spoke her name quietly, "She's my girlfriend," I was proud to say that.

"Nice to meet you, Clare." He said, with a smile. Clare smiled back, but didn't speak. I think she was scared to speak, I was too. "So Eli, why are you here? Last time it seemed like you never wanted to see my face again,"

"Last time I was here, I never wanted to see you again, actually. I hated your guts. I came home that night and just kept over thinking all those times that you had a little too much to drink and fucked me over," I explained, "I thought things over continuously, and then some one told me that the only way that I can remember Julia in a positive way, is to let go of all the negative feelings,"

"Who's this wise person?" He asked,

"Jack.. My _step_ dad" I felt like I had to call him my step dad now. I had finally acknowledged that my real father had made many mistakes, but in the end, he _is_ my father.

"Your mother was always good at picking 'em" He said, with a smile. "You're here to forgive me?"

"Yeah," I murmured, "I don't want to go through my life, hating on the man who raised me." I explained,

"I don't want you to hate me,"

"I don't," I paused, "Not anymore."

My dad smiled,

* * *

Clare and I entered Morty. I was still shaking, just as nervous as before - maybe even more nervous now. I had finally let go of all the pain and hatred, and felt free. I felt happier - I felt more satisfied with my life and surroundings. I closed the driver's seat door, and just sat there - staring forward. I then buried my face in my palms, trying to calm myself down.

I felt Clare's hand rubbing my back. I then leaned over, and hugged her - as tight as possible. My face was buried in her shoulder, and I felt loved, for the first time, in a long time.

We stopped hugging, and I put the keys in the ignition. The radio began softly playing, and I let out a deep breath, as I began driving.

"Where to?" Clare asked,

"Wherever you want,"

"Just drive"

With Clare's answer, I continued driving. Clare leaned over and turned the radio up; filling the silent air, with music.

_"You've got a fast car. I wanna a ticket to anywhere. Maybe we make a deal. Maybe together we can get somewhere. Any place is better. Starting from zero, got nothing to lose. Maybe we'll make something. Me, myself, I've got nothing to prove" _The lyrics blasted, accompanied by a soft acoustic back round.

"Any special meaning to this song?" I asked, curious to see if Clare actually knew the song, or just liked the sound of it.

"Fast Car by Tracy Chapman," She quickly answered, "This was sort of my parents song. They always listened to it, and both of their eyes would light up whenever it came on. They would hold hands and practically get lost in each others eyes.. It reminds me of better times,"

"_See my old man's got a problem; live with the bottle, that's the way it is. He says his body's too old for working.. His body's too young, to look like his. My mama went off and left him; she wanted more from life than he could give. I said some body's got to take care of him - so I quit school and that's what I did_"

"Our families are messes," I said, admitting it with confidence for once. Having a messed up family didn't seem as bad as it was, when you knew some one else whose family was just as bad as yours. Clare smiled,

"The worst,"

"It's okay.. We got each other." I responded, Clare waited a few seconds to reply -

"Want to know my biggest fear?" She asked, I nodded, she hesitated to speak - "I'm - I'm scared that I'll end up like my parents. I'll end up divorcing and putting myself before my kids. I'm scared I'll be just as selfish as they are,"

"You'll never be like your parents, Clare." I stated, "Just like I'll never be like mine,"

"How do you know that?"

"Because.." I paused, "Me and you will keep each other from going insane," I said, smirking after. Clare smiled.

"As long as I have you, I'll be okay."

"_I remember when we were driving, driving in your car; speed so fast it felt like I was drunk. City lights lay out before us, and your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder. And I had a feeling that I belonged, I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone_"

I parked at a random parking lot, one that I had never been to before. I was just sick of driving.

"Is this another secretive spot?" She asked, I had not turned off the music.

"No. Just sick of driving," I admitted, not wanting to be all mysterious or anything of that sort.

"Understandable, we did drive all the way to the field, to the prison, and now to here." She recapped all that we had done today. I nodded, "Surprisingly, my mother hasn't called me to lecture me about how late it is or how I haven't checked in,"

"Parents are confusing. One day they care, the next - they are back to doing their own thing,"

"Drama with the parents?"

"No," I answered, "Just speaking the wise words of Elijah Goldsworthy," I smiled,

"Oh they may be words, but they're not wise." She joked, I laughed, as did Clare.

"Smart mouth, huh? Your violent words are torturing me," I joked back, Clare giggled.

"Sorry, I just can't help but have the urge to hurt your feelings," She sarcastically replied, I smiled.

"Alright Saint Clare," Clare smiled and blushed.

"_Saint Clare_? Not a chance,"

"Oh, are so you're saying that you're not a Saint?" I asked, with a smile.

"I am far from a Saint," She responded, with confidence.

"Prove it," I challenged her,

"In what way?" She asked, with a daring smile on her face,

"Do some thing that makes you look crazy or insane." I answered, once she didn't respond - "Or do you want to be called Saint Clare for the rest of your life?"

"I refuse to break any of the Ten Commandments," I laughed out loud,

"Oh Saint Clare, my point has been successfully proven," I joked.

She hit my arm - "So what if I am a Saint? Got a problem with that?"

I smiled - "No. I have a problem with you pretending like your all badass.. Name one thing you have done that would make you _Badass Clare_, instead of _Saint Clare_,"

"I told you billions of stories, that one time - when we ditched KC's game!" She argued,

I jokingly rolled my eyes; "Alright fine, Saint Clare, I suppose you win this argument," I told her, "But it's only because I refuse to argue with a stubborn girl like you,"

"I'm not stubborn!"

"_Point proven_"

Although she fought back the smile, it only made her smile even bigger. I smiled back, and looked away from her. Her smile was so beautiful and breathtaking, I knew that if I had stared at her smile for too long - I would catch myself smiling like a little girl.

Clare suddenly opened the car door, I rose my eyebrows; in confusment. She exited the car, and began walking. I opened the driver's seat, and followed after her,

"And where are you going?" I asked, confused,

She began walking backwards, so that she could face me, as she walked.

"I don't know," She responded, "Why?_ Scared_?" She teased,

"Only in your dreams,"

"My dreams have come true," She winked at me, and I laughed -

She turned around to look forward as she walked, I walked faster, so that I could catch up to her.

We walked side by side,

"Yeah, because walking in the middle of nowhere - without any destination or direction, in mind - is such a good idea," I sarcastically stated.

"Live a little,"

"I'll try," I murmured,

We walked across an empty park - one with only swings, a slide, and a jungle gym. Clare suddenly walked towards the swings, she took a seat on one of them, and began slowly rocking back and forth. I rose my eye brows at her, and stood there - not sure what to do.

"You can join me, if you'd like," She invited me, smirking. I half-smirked, and then approached her. I sat on the swing next to her.

"Clare," I softly spoke her name, breaking a silence,

"Eli" She responded,

"Why do we care so much about what people think?"

She hesitated to answer - "I don't," She told me, "I wanted people to know about us - I wasn't ashamed.." She looked directly at me "But you were,"

"It's just.." I paused, "I refuse to be the reason that you lose all of your friends and have no one to turn to. I don't want to screw you over, Clare." I explained,

"Us being together isn't screwing me over." She assured me, "I'm proud of us, actually."

"Other people won't be,"

"Who cares what other people think. They're all stupid and in over their head. It's high school, no one is supposed to accept anyone. High school is the time in life, where your judged and screwed over.. Why should we care about what Fitz or KC think?"

"I don't care if Fitz and KC hurt me, I care if they hurt you."

"Don't, Eli." She responded, "I can take care of myself,"

**-CLARE'S POV-**

I understood where Eli was coming from; he didn't want to see me get hurt or get constantly teased. Even though, I despise bullies and every thing they do - I'd be willing to deal with them, if it meant I was capable of being with Eli. I wanted people to look at me and think_ 'that's Eli's girl'_.

I always stood up for being independent - and not being known as _'some ones girl'_, or girlfriend. But, for some reason - I can't help but crave the attention of being Eli's girlfriend. I wanted people to see me and think one thing; that I was with Eli. I've never been more proud of a relationship or of a guy. I've never wanted to shout out to the world that I loved some one.

Eli was my world right now. I know, I dated KC for such a longer time, and I haven't known Eli for that long either - but just the thought of him or the mention of his name, brights up my day and makes me feel just that much better. I don't even think of my parents or my family anymore.

Whenever I am in my room, just sitting there, having nothing to do - I always analyze my life and if I'm satisfied with the way it is currently going. Ever since Eli entered my life, I can't help but be satisfied with every thing. Eli balances every thing out. I hate my family and I'm so angry at some of my best friends; but then, on the other hand, I have Eli.

No one and nothing can compare to the happiness that Eli brings me. He's like the sunshine that every one prays for after a dark storm. He's like every thing I could wish for, and I can't help but thank God for bringing some one like him in to my life. He's just what I need. He's every thing I need.

"Thanks for coming today, Clare.. For being there for me." Eli thanked me, he spoke in a very low and quiet tone - like speaking about today or anything that occurred with his father, was unbearable. I don't blame him for being quiet or bothered about it. Every one at school has learned about his personal life and past - and if I were in his position, I probably would have reacted even worse to it, then he did.

"No problem, Eli, as I said before.." I paused, "I'm always here," I was. No matter what the situation or what ever the circumstances were, I was there. "I don't care if it's four in the morning, on a school night; if you need me, I'll always be there." I wanted Eli to know that he had trust in me; that even though others had screwed him over - I wouldn't.

"Good." He murmured, "You're stuck with me, Saint Clare" He flashed his famous half-smirk, the one that I have grown to love. His half smirk was the one thing that I was utterly obsessed with. His half smirk was like his trademark. One side of his mouth would smile, as the other stayed straight. It was breathtaking.

"I wouldn't want it any other way,"

Eli moved his swing to the side - so that we were close. He kissed my cheek. His soft lips sent chills up my spine. I felt my cheeks turning a pink color - meaning that I was nervous. I got up off of my swing, and stood in front of his. He grabbed my waist, and made me sit on top of his lap. He was facing my back, with his arms wrapped around my waist - holding me close to him.

He rested his chin on my shoulder; and we slowly rocked back and forth of the swing - just staring forward with out speaking,

"I'm so lucky to have you," He told me.


	16. Chapter 15

**clareandeliforever** - Hahaha! Lmao! Oh my Goldsworthy; your *wink wink* thing about Clare proving she's not a Saint, honestly made me laugh. (: I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter; it means a lot to me (: Also, thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story, it means the world to me and I truly appreciate it. (:  
**PullMeIntoTheDark** - Awwh, I'm glad that you think it was very cute (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the world to me and to this story; I also appreciate it so so so much! (:  
**KarenIsCoolio** - Awwh, (: I am soooo happy that you love my story (: And EClare is the cutest couple ever! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it truly means so much to me; and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**Zephyr Hearts **- Haha, (: I'm glad that you think it was fluffy :P And Awwh! I'm honored that you check a lot to see if I updated, that means a lot (: Fast Car is the cutest song, and Awwh /: I'm sorry about your parents /: And your suggestion for a Clare conversation with KC may be involved in this chapter... :P And I have no idea on how long this story is going to go on for. It all depends on the ideas I come up with, and the way the drama unfolds. (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it really does mean SOO much to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**Swanstream** - Haha, awwh, I am glad that you thought it was sweet. (: Thanks so so so so much for reading and reviewing this story; it means sooooo much to me, and I seriously appreciate it more then anything in the world! (:  
**LovinMunro95 **- Hahahahaha, (: Thank you ohhh-so-much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the world to me, and it also means the world to this story; (: And I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**ilovetaylorswift13 -** I am realllly happy that you liked it (: Thank you so very much for reading and reviewing. It really does mean sooo much to me, and to this story. I also appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**E. K. Rico** - Awwwh, (: I am soo happy that you like my EClare moments :P And I did post as fast as I possibly could! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It truly means soooo much to me, and to this story. I also appreciate it a lot! (:  
**Eclare4ever123** - Awwh, (: I am happy that you thought it was cute; and here's an update! :P Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing this story. It honestly means the world to me, and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**Jennyfer** - Awwh, I'm glad that you thought the chapter was cute, and that my story is awesome (: And, I don't have a twitter /: Maybe I'll get one soon! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story, it really does mean a lot to me and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**Natsuki Sato **- I'm glad that you liked lat chapter (: And the reviews do mean sooooooo much to me. (: And I read every single review, and reply to every one. When people review, it honestly means so much to me; and I think that if some one is going to take the time to review my story, I should take the time to reply back to them (: Thank you sooo much for reading and reviewing this story; it truly means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything (:  
**anonymous** - I'm glad that you loved the EClare moments! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it means so much to me and I honestly appreciate it more then anything! (:

**Song Suggestion** - "Rubik's Cube" by Athlete  
Honestly ADORABLE song. I'm so happy that I  
found it & now am OBSESSSED with it. (:

-I decided to update twice in one day, because I felt so bad about going  
eight days straight with out an update /: Hope this makes it up to you guys! (:

Chapter Fifteen  
"The World Is Too Heavy,  
Too Big For My Shoulders"

-**ELI'S POV**-

It was midnight. The cold air felt like ice rubbing on my entire face. I walked as fast as possible, trying to get to my destination as soon as I possibly could. I hadn't been here in the longest time, I always avoided coming - to be honest, I'm too scared to even think about coming here. Can you blame me, though? you would be just as scared as I am.

I let out a deep breath, as I unlocked the gate. I glanced around - scanning every part of the place. I shivered as I walked up the hill. I knew exactly where it was, even though the last time I came here was about five months ago.

I felt chills run up my spine as I looked at the stone. My throat felt like it was closing, as I stood there - frozen and empty. I slowly approached the stone, feeling as if I was honestly afraid of it. I knelt down in front of the stone, and just stared at the name _Julia DiMarco_ written on it. I hadn't been to her grave in so long.

I slowly ran my fingers across her name - trying to feel her presence - be there with her wherever she was. I didn't ever want her to be alone or scared, I wanted to be capable of holding her in my arms, and protecting her from the harsh world. I wanted her to know that as long as she stayed by me, she would be safe.

"Julia," I whispered her name, "I'm so sorry,"

"Haven't seen you in a while." A male voice said. I jumped, and felt my heart stop. I stopped breathing, and froze. I felt my entire body shiver. Who was that? A _ghost_? "Behind you, idiot," I turned around to see Johnny DiMarco, Julia's older brother standing there.

"Oh hey," I let out a deep breath, silence took over for only a moment; "I haven't see you, ever since the funeral,"

"I've seen you in the halls at Degrassi, actually.. I just never thought to come say hello or anything, I guess,"

"You're a senior now, huh?" I attempted to create some sort of interesting conversation.

"Glad to be one, actually. I need to get out of this town," He looked directly at Julia's grave, "I need to get over the past,"

"It's impossible to get over it.. I've been trying for months now," I admitted, standing up, so that I could be at height level with Johnny, "Every one at Degrassi knows,"

"About your dad and Julia?" I nodded, "I heard all the rumors,"

"Did you tell people that it was your sister?"

"No. People don't know a lot about me.. I'd like to keep it that way," He admitted, "But if any one is ever messing with you - to the point to where it's physical.. Just give me a call, I have no problem backing you up," I smiled,

"No hard feelings? Right?"

"None at all," He answered, pausing for a moment, "Losing my only sister was the hardest thing to ever happen to me. I kept every thing to myself, I transferred schools and came to Degrassi and got a fresh start," He explained, "I'm guessing that you did the same?"

"Couldn't handle being at my old school - people thought I was a demon or some thing," I answered, "I prayed that no one would find out at Degrassi, but I tend to have the worst of luck,"

"I never liked KC anyway, I always knew he was a jerk," I nodded, in agreement. "People think that I'm an only child - that I never had a sister to begin with," He told me,

"I'm sorry," I sighed, "I'm sorry for never visiting your family, I'm sorry for never apologizing about the entire thing, and I'm sorry for cutting your family out of my life after the funeral.. I was scared, I was scared of how your parents thought of me - I was scared that you all hated my guts. I was scared that my father's actions had effected the way your family had thought of me,"

"Don't be scared, Eli," He responded, "My parents want to see you again. Julia was in love with you and my parents want to make sure that they find a way to keep you in all of our life's, so that Julia can be happy," Johnny explained, "None of us are mad at you, Eli.. You're dad's the idiot, not you,"

I smiled, "Thanks for.. Not being angry at me, or anything,"

"Anytime"

We were both silent; it wasn't an awkward silence though - we just didn't have anything to say. I turned so that I could see Julia's grave. Johnny and I both stood there in silence, just staring at Julia's grave.

"Do you come here a lot?" I asked,

"Every night at midnight,"

"Why at that time?"

"I'm not sure. I just feel.. Like she has nothing to do at midnight, and needs some one to talk to,"

I nodded and we were silent for another minute -

"I wonder how she is," He quietly said, "I wonder if she's okay," His voice sounded like he was heartbroken - like he was scared that Julia was all alone and miserable.

"She's okay," I said, "I can feel it," I paused, "She's happy,"

"I hope you're right,"

"I do too,"

* * *

-**CLARE'S POV**-

I entered the kitchen at seven in the morning. I had school - although I wish that I didn't. School was horrible at this point. I hated KC, I hated Fitz, I was currently angry at Alli, and Eli and me weren't supposed to communicate, while we were at school. I opened the refrigerator - debating on what to eat for breakfast. Once I didn't find anything, I shut the door and sighed.

My phone rang, with a text message.

"_I'm outside, I'm driving you to school (:_" Eli's message read. I couldn't help but smile, and butterflies ran through my empty stomach. I grabbed my back pack from the kitchen table, and without saying goodbye to my mother - I ran out the door.

I walked towards Morty, smiling the entire way there. For some reason, going to school didn't seem so bad, if I was with Eli. I entered the passenger seat, and immediately looked at Eli - he softly smiled at me, and I felt a shiver run up my spine. He was perfect.

We were perfect.

"You never drive me to school; why the sudden change?" I asked, as we sat there - not driving yet,

"I don't know," He answered, "I just want to be with you, for as much time as I possibly can,"

I smiled, and felt my face turning pink - it always did when I got nervous or got butterflies in my stomach. I always seemed to blush when I was with Eli, he said all the right things at all the right times. Every word he said seemed so real and true; like he honestly cared about me - which I hope he does.

I don't want to lose Eli, and I don't want to mess things up with us. I want to keep him with me for as long as I possibly can.

We pulled up to Degrassi, and I sighed. I know that I'll have to go through all of my classes, with the exception of English and Lunch, with out Eli. Eli was my only friend at this point - the only person that I honestly wanted to be around. Eli meant so much to me,

Hopefully I mean just as much to him.

"School sucks," Eli stated, as we sat there - in Morty, although he was parked.

"Did you just figure that out?"

Eli smiled and I smirked,

"I wonder what people are going to think when they see you getting out of this hearse, with me." Eli stated, "Prepare yourself - KC and Fitz might try to fight you,"

I couldn't help but laugh, "I can take them,"

"I'll believe it when I see it,"

"Then keep your eyes open," I joked, as I opened the car door and exited Morty; Eli did the same.

We walked towards Degrassi. I didn't care what people thought, or how they were looking at us. As long as I was with Eli, I didn't care about the judgemental snobs at Degrassi. I am so sick of caring about what others think, it's my life and I don't want to look back some day and have regret for all of my high school years. I'm ready to be myself, even if it means getting teased,

"People are looking at us like we're crazy," Eli muttered,

I grabbed his hand, holding on to it tightly, as we walked,

"Good." I responded,

Eli smirked and we continued walking - holding hands. I felt invincible, like Eli put this protective bubble around the two of us. With him by my side, as we held hands - I felt like nothing could touch me. No one could hurt me.

"Edwards has turned to the bad side, huh?" I heard a voice say; Eli and I both stopped walking and turned around to see who it was. Fitz stood there, with a few of his friends behind him. They made me sick - they acted like they owned the world and every one was terrified of them. I'm not even scared of them, and I'm a girl.

I rolled my eyes; "Maybe I did,"

"I'm a little disappointed, Clare, I thought you were a good girl - ones who went to church. I'm pretty sure that a future murderer isn't allowed to attend church," Fitz stated, saying anything he possibly could to hurt Eli's feelings or scare me.

I rolled my eyes and turned around to walk towards Degrassi once again, I pulled Eli's hand and he began walking with me. I refused to deal with guys like Fitz. I wasn't going to let his words torture me or hurt Eli and my relationship. Eli and I entered Degrassi,

"Example one of why I _don't_ want people to know about us," Eli stated. God, I hated all this talk about 'not wanting people to know'. It's our lives, and if Fitz cares so much to torment us - then he must not have much of a life himself.

"Eli, can you please just stop." I pleaded, as I rolled my eyes and stopped walking to face him, "You're only going to push me away,"

"That's the last thing that I want to do, Clare, but I just -" He paused,

"You just, what?"

"I just.. I don't want you to be miserable, just because of me. I've ruined enough life's as it is, I don't plan on ruining any more."

"You're not ruining my life, Eli!" I argued,

"But if people see you with me - your life isn't going to be so happy and pleasant anymore. You'll have Fitz in your face all the time, you'll have people teasing you and being assholes to you,"

"I don't care," I whined, "I just want to be with you,"

It must of been the hurt that you could see in my eyes - because all of the sudden, Eli hugged me, so tightly. I hugged him back, and buried my face in his shoulder.

"What does this mean?" I asked, as we continued hugging.

"Fuck other people,"

I smiled, and hugged him even tighter.

Thank God.

* * *

I approached my locker, right before second period - thankfully, that was English, the class that I had with Eli. I was unlocking my locker, when I felt some one standing next to me, looking at me. I could feel their eyes on me, and turned to see KC standing there. He made me sick. I rolled my eyes, and attempted to ignore him - continuing to focus on unlocking my locker.

"Clare," He spoke my name, attempting to catch my attention. I wouldn't give that scumbag the time of day, "Can we talk?"

"No," I snapped; giving no mercy.

"I just want to protect you," I immediately rolled my eyes and turned to face KC.

"From what?" I yelled.

"From that physco!"

"If anyone's a _physco_, it's you!"

"Clare. You're being stupid,"

"No, KC, you're being stupid," I replied, "You disgust me," I admitted, "You threw your best friend in the dirt, because he made one mistake. You purposely ruined your best friend's life! You are not the person I thought you were - you're not even close to the person that I thought you were," I went off. Sick and tired of his egotistical jerk personality.

"Clare, Eli is an emotional mess - you'll never have a stable relationship with him. He's not well put together,"

"And you are?" I yelled sarcastically, "KC, all you ever did was made me feel like I wasn't as important as your friends or your sports. You put me behind every thing and every one possible! Eli honestly cares about me!"

"And I'm sorry for all those times that I blew you off," He apologized, "But.. I want you to be happy -" I quickly interrupted him

"The only way I can be happy.." I paused, "Is if I'm with Eli,"

KC looked as if he was speechless - he barely blinked and just stared straight in to my eyes. His facial expression was empty, but I could tell that he was unhappy with my decision. I don't care if KC wants me back.. I don't want him back.

"Leave Eli alone, about this '_Murderer's Child_' stuff. It's not funny and it never was. You're hurting some one who has been there for you since you were younger. Eli is tormented every day, because of you.. You ruined his life," I paused, "Now fix it."

With that, I walked away - not giving KC the chance to respond. I didn't care about what he had to say; all I cared about was getting my point across.

And I think I did.

* * *

**-I hope that you guys liked the little twist ****with Johnny  
being Julia's brother! (: ****Oh and the KC/Clare fight! (:**


	17. Chapter 16

**P** - Hahaha, I'm glad that you liked it! (: And some one needed to tell KC off. He's so mean! /: And Haaaha, if Eli had seen Clare bitch out KC - it would of been cute (: Haha; thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It truly means so much to me, and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**RachRox12** - Haha, I'm glad that you liked it (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It honestly means so much to me, and I appreciate it soooo much! (:  
**Elinfatuated** - Johnny was being nice because he knows that his sister was in love with Eli, and he knows that she wouldn't want him being a jerk to Eli. And Yes, Johnny will definitely be in the story more! (: And good for you! (: You should always be yourself, and never care about other people's opinions. You only live life once, live it the way you want to live it (: and WOAH! Are you sure that's a real book? Like.. Why did Degrassi use the same picture? And I really wanted Julia to be in like flashbacks and stuff! /: Erg. The new promo is sooo sad! Eli's voice when he says 'You ripped my heart out' is soo sad! /: I can't wait to see the new episodes, I really want to see what Clare is saying and doing that pushes Eli to be so upset /: Hopefully Eli and Clare join the drama club together! That would be adorable (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story, it truly means the world to me and I honestly appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**thesidkidd** - Lmao! Every thing seems to be funnier when it's like four in the morning. :P And Yeah, I forgot that he mentioned having a brother /: And thanks for the suggestion; It's a really good idea, maybe I'll use that in future chapters (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means so much to me, and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**Eclare4ever123** - Awwh, I'm glad that you loved that chapter (: And I'm sorry if it took a little too long for me to update. I hope you're not mad! (: Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the world to me and to this story. I also appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**LovinMunro95** - I am reallly happy that you enjoyed the twist and bitch out :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means the whole world to me; and I honestly appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**Natsuki Sato** - I really wanted there to be a random twist, so I just thought of Johnny being Julia's brother! :P Haha. Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means soooo much to me, and I really do appreciate it so much! (:  
**Zephyr Hearts** - Hahahah! I was hoping that people would think it was a big twist - I wanted to kind of throw in some thing unexpected. And I'm really happy that you enjoyed the double update (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it seriously means sooooo much to me, and I appreciate it more then anything, (:  
**ilovetaylorswift13 **- I'm glad that you thought the chapter was cute (: And also, thank you sooo much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means more then anything to me; it also means soo much to this story! I seriously appreciate it more then anything (:  
**E. K. Rico** - I am reallllly happy that you thought that the twist was awesome (: And I didn't post that quick, and I am really sorry for that /: I hope you can forgive me. (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story, it truly means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**clareandeliforever** - I want to update like every day, but I always have so much to do! /: I'm happy that you understand though (: The promo is so depressing /: All of Eli's lines like break my heart /: I hope EClare can make it through all the drama. And Hahahah! No problem :P I wanted there to be a fight, I just wasn't sure when to put it - I'm glad that you liked it (: And Lmao! Oh jeez :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story, it truly means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**iloveeliandclare** - Hahah! Good response :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means sooooo much to me, and to this story. I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**PullMeIntoTheDark** - I am really happy that you enjoy my twists! (: And Clare does in fact have a back bone! :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It honestly means the world to me, and I seriously appreciate it more then anything in the world! (:  
**TheMsdegrassi** - I am really happy that you loved it (: It means a lot to me! Also, thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means sooo much to me, and it means so much to this story. I also appreciate it more then anything! (:

**Song Suggestion** - "Next To Me" by Civil Twilight

**REAAALLLY IMPORTANT**.  
I just wanted to know if when Degrassi airs (This Friday!) If you guys will still read my story?  
I hope you guys don't stop reading, but I just wanted to know if anyone knew if they were  
going to stop or not. (:

Chapter Sixteen  
"You Are My Only Escape"

**-ELI'S POV-**

Lunch was my new favorite class - most likely because I had the choice of being completely isolated from others. I had the chance to finally be completely alone, without having to deal with all the nutcases and jackasses that attended Degrassi. I hated this school - I hated these people.

But the good thing that came out of all of this is..

I finally faced the truth, and realized that Jack wasn't my real father and that my real father was currently in jail for making a _mistake_. Mistakes are common - just like how I made the mistake of trusting KC..

I had my back against my locker, with my lunch in hand; the halls were empty - as I sat, alone and tired; but comfortable. It was the first time today that I was able to escape all of the rude comments and jokes - Lunch was the only time that I wasn't tormented or bullied because of the way my family was.

I sat there - my eyes focused on the wall in front of me, I deeply stared at the wall; seeming as if the ugly paint was fascinating or some thing - I suddenly heard a noise.

I shot my head to the right, and saw Clare Edwards standing there, with her paper lunch bag in hand. She looked at me with an awkward smirk - like she hadn't planned out what to do next, or what to say. I smirked at her. She sat down next to me, and we both stared at the wall in front of us.

"Eating lunch alone, Goldsworthy?"

"Yes mam," I softly answered, "Facing those idiots would be stupid,"

"You're an idiot for being scared," Maybe she was right.

"What am I supposed to do though, Clare? Walk in there and get yelled at, laughed at, and teased - without having any argument to respond with?"

"Say that it isn't funny," She suggested,

"I've already done that," I responded, "They claimed it was '_amusing_'"

"Well it isn't - they're all wrong," Obviously. "They're all insecure,"

"You sound like my mom, when I was in sixth grade," Clare smiled,

"It's true though," She told me, "KC is insecure, because you stole his girlfriend from him and he wants to prove that he's still a _'man'_. Fitz has always been insecure, he can never get a girlfriend and every one thinks he's crazy," I smiled, and was silent for a moment.

"Thank God for you, Clare Edwards," I stated, Clare smirked and held on to my hand,

"Always here,"

"I know you are,"

She rested her head on my shoulder, and I rested mine on top of hers.

This is where I want to be.

* * *

I sat in my room, all alone and tired. I felt isolated, and at the time - I didn't want to be. Even though I am used to being alone.. It doesn't mean that I always want to be. Lately, whenever I am alone.. I just imagine being with Clare. Just Clare's presence can make me feel so much better. The thought of Clare's big blue eyes staring in to mine, gave me butterflies. Her skin was so soft and warm - and comforting. She was every thing I could possibly ask for.

I rolled off of my bed, intending on seeing Clare - without having to leave my house. I sat down at my desk, opening my black laptop that layed on top of it. I let out a deep breath, as I opened all of my accounts - Facebook, Skype, Twitter etc..

I immediately went on my Skype, to check if _some one specific_ would be on. As I scrolled down the list, Clare's name suddenly popped up - catching my eye immediately. _'Online'_ - just as I had hoped. I smirked, and clicked her name - pressing the Video Call button afterwards.

I sat there anxiously, as I waited to see Clare's perfect face pop up on my screen. The ringing noise continued ringing - every ring shattered a bit of hope that I had built up, for seeing Clare.

My hopes were built back up, once the screen turned black - meaning that she had answered my call. Her face suddenly popped up, and she looked at me with a slight smile. I smiled back; we had never Skyped before, but if it meant being able to see her whenever I wanted - then it worked for me.

"We've never Skyped before, what's the occasion?" She asked immediately - skipping a greeting or anything of that sort..

"I had nothing better to do," I teased. Clare smiled, and pretended as if she was shocked about my reply.

"I see how it is. Two can play the _'burn'_ game,"

"I didn't intend on _'burning'_ you, I just honestly answered your question," I responded, "_Honesty is the best policy_, right?" I smiled

"Sure Eli," She sarcastically replied, smirking after.

"Isn't it past your bedtime, Edwards?" I asked; messing with her, of course.

"It's 9:30," She informed me,

"_Yeah_.." I paused, "Isn't it past your bedtime?" Clare rolled her eyes and laughed, as did I. I loved Clare's laugh, her smile, her eyes, her every thing.

"_Ha ha,_ very funny Eli - did you call me, just to tease me?"

"No, I'm sorry, I just wanted to talk to you," I responded, with a slight smile.

"Good, because I need some one to talk to.. Especially right now," She told me, her smile fading to a slight frown - as she looked away from the camera, possibly hiding the hurt that she was currently feeling. Most likely family problems, she seems to be having trouble with her family as of right now,

"Why? What happened?" I practically interrogated her, wanting her to know that I was here for her - whether or not she believed it.

"My dad came back today," She informed me.

"Why are you sad?" I asked, confused to why she would be upset over her father moving back in. I figured that her father coming back was exactly what she wanted; so that her family could actually become a_ family _again..

"He was quite intoxicated, to be honest," She said - raising her eyebrows for a second, "He came in, slurring all of his words and yelling at my mother. They fought for what felt like hours, but was only minutes. He then came upstairs and grabbed all of the belongings that he had left behind. Finally, He stormed out - saying that he never wanted to see my mother.. or my face again," She explained,

I had no response. I was scared that I would say some thing wrong. When it came to family, I wasn't sure how to be sensitive or what to say. My family was just as bad as hers - maybe even worse; but for some reason, I'm incapable of helping people deal with family problems.. Maybe because I'm too scared to face my own, most of the time.

"Parents are crazy," I spoke, my tone almost in a whisper, "All they ever care about is if they're happy or they feel comfortable. They never realize that every last word that comes out of their mouth, and every single action that they do.. Effects their kids,"

"Agreed," She practically whispered, "I wish I was with you right now," her voice remained in a lower tone - as if she was almost frightened to speak.

"We'll be together tomorrow," I said, attempting to make her happy.

"I wish we were together now though; waiting till tomorrow always sucks - because I have nothing to do during the night,"

I nodded, in agreement. "I have to go, I'm supposed to clean my room, so I'll just see you tomorrow, okay?" I lied

"Yeah, that's fine," her voice showed disappointed, "See you tomorrow Eli,"

"Bye Clare," I signed off of Skype. And thought for a moment..

How was I going to get to Clare's house?

* * *

The clock stuck 10:30 - which was the time that I originally planned to make my way to the Edward's house. I felt my hands shake, as I slowly opened the bedroom door window. I would walk out the front door, but my parent's are currently watching a horror movie marathon - meaning that they would be up all night.

My finger's lifted the window up, slow enough to not make a noise. Once the window was fully opened - I stared down at the ground, contemplating on how to get all the way down there, from all the way up here. I was on the second floor, meaning that I wasn't capable of jumping - that would be a _very_ bad idea..

Even though it took several minutes, and even a few minor cuts - I was finally on the ground. I brushed off my clothes, and began walking. If I were to drive Morty, he would make too much noise and attract way too much attention; I would probably get caught for leaving my house. I buried my hands in my pockets and began walking.

It was colder out then I had previously expected. The cold air sent shivers through my body - as I clenched my teeth, attempting to take my mind off the weather. I shook my head - shaking off all the thoughts of how cold or uncomfortable I was.

I wonder if Clare's mom even knew about me. I imagined that she would, but then again - there's a huge chance that I'm an unknown name - a _stranger_ to Ms. Edwards. Clare doesn't seem to exactly get along with her parents, meaning that she most likely doesn't have intense conversations with her mother, where she lets out all of her life problems and boyfriends.

Conclusion - her mom has _no idea_ who the hell I am.

I approached Clare's house; just the appearance of her house made me smile. The thought that I was moments away from seeing Clare, made me feel so happy. As Clare said before, I want to be with her tonight - I don't want to wait till tomorrow, I want to see her tonight. I know, that sounds like we're glued to each others hips or some thing - but I just loved being with her.

I took a rock, that layed on the ground - I softly threw it at her window. I waited to see if there would be a response - if Clare was awake, for that matter. I hoped that if she had gone to sleep, that she was a light sleeper - because I didn't walk all this way, just to throw rocks at an empty room, where Clare was asleep.

I sighed as I didn't receive a response. I then picked up yet another rock, and tossed it at Clare's window. I stood there, waiting to see Clare's face appear in the glass window - where she would smile at me and let me in the front door..

I didn't get a response, and discovered that I was being forced to do things the hard way. I scanned the side of the house, trying to find a way to get all the way up to Clare's bedroom. Just like mine, her bedroom was on the second floor - unfortunately. I let out a deep breath once I realized that I wasn't able to get all the way up to her room.

My house was smaller then hers, and it was much easier to get to the ground. Clare's house was so tall, and it seemed as if her bedroom was all the way up in the sky. I became disappointed, as I picked up one last rock. It was my last try, and if she didn't answer, then I would have to leave.

I tossed the rock at her window, with a little more strength this time - maybe it would make a louder noise, which would result in Clare waking up. I stood there for a moment, practically begging for Clare to open that window. I let out a deep breath, as I stared at the empty window - it was all black, meaning that the lights were off.

I looked down at my feet - I was on the verge of giving up - I was on the verge of leaving..

"What the hell are you doing?" My head shot up in the direction of Clare's window. There stood Clare, her hair was all messy and her eyes were squinting - she looked like she had just woken up. A smile spread across my face - and I couldn't be happier.

"Come down here," I demanded,

"_In your dreams_" She responded "I'm too tired,"

"You said you wanted to be with me," I reminded her,

"Yeah - an_ hour_ ago,"

"It's 10:30! Stop being such a Saint," I argued,

"My mom's awake,"

"You don't have to tell her I'm here,"

"I can't leave the house!"

"Oh I see how it is," I began "I snuck out of my house and walked all the way to your house, but you can't come downstairs and say hello to me?" I attempted to guilt her in to coming outside, I really didn't want to have walked all the way here, with out a jacket - in the freezing cold - for nothing.

"Eli," She whined,

"Clare," I imitated her "_Please,_" I begged.

Clare rolled her eyes and she disappeared from the window. I hoped that I would hear the front door open, and I would see Clare walking outside - coming to greet me. I stood there, waiting for her arrival - hoping that she was actually coming..

"Hurry!" I heard Clare's voice whisper. I slowly walked to the front door, "Run upstairs. My mom's sleeping on the couch and if she hears you - we're screwed," She explained to me - in a whisper that I could barely even hear. I nodded and slowly entered Clare's house.

If you asked me - this was a horrible idea;

but it was worth it.

I slowly walked up the stairs, making no noise at all. I entered Clare's room, and Clare walked in after me. She quietly shut the door, and I sat down on her bed, smiling at her. She playfully rolled her eyes and smiled, approaching me, and sitting down next to me.

"Why are you here?"

"You said you wanted to see me tonight, and I wanted to see you too." I told her,

"You walked all the way here, just because I said I wanted to see you?" I nodded, with a smile - she smiled back, "Well aren't you the _romantic,_"

I softly laughed, "What can I say? I'm a Romeo wanna-be,"

Clare smiled, and then layed down on the bed, pulling the blanket over her.

"Cuddle with me," She demanded. I smiled, and then layed down next to her - she pulled the blankets over the two of us. My back was against the wall, I was turned so that I was capable of seeing Clare's face. Clare and I layed close to each other, practically lost in each others eyes - well, at least I was lost in hers.

"I'm so happy that we're together," I murmured,

"Me too," She responded, "I wouldn't want it any other way,"

* * *

**This chapter was boring /: I know. I just really wanted to update - so I cut the chapter a little shorter then expected. **  
**But next chapter will be MUCH more exciting and longer. I have a lot planned for it.. (:**


	18. Chapter 17

**SommerSky** - Awwh, I'm soo happy that you'll continue reading my story; it means so much to me! (: And I'm also very happy that you enjoyed the chapter (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story, it truly means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**Zephyr Hearts** - Haha, I know! I wish I had a good enough boyfriend who would sneak out, just to see me (: That would make me melt. :P haha. ooh, I'll listen to that song once I'm done posting this chapter (: Thanks for the suggestion. And awwh, I'm so happy that you think I'm a good writer, it means so much to me (: Also, thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means more then anything to me, and to this story. I appreciate it so much! (:  
**DegrassiFFLover12** - Awwh, (: I'm glad that you liked the chapter and I hope that I updated quick enough :P thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing this story. It honestly means sooooo much to me and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**clareandeliforever** - Awwh! Seriously, it means so much to me that you think I deserve the reviews - like it honestly means the whole world to me and I honestly want to thank you for every single review (: And I'm SOOOO happy that you're not going to stop! (: It means so much to me! And here's the next chapter; I soo hope that you enjoy it :P Thank you sooo much for reading and reviewing this story; it honestly means the whole world to me, and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**LovinMunro95** - Awwh /: I'm upset that you're going to stop reading it for a while; but I understand (: I hope you'll continue reading my story. (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story; it seriously means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**Natsuki Sato** - I'm sooo happy that you're going to continue reading my story (: It really means a lot to me! (: I was sort of having writer's block, but really wanted to update - so I did the best I could; hopefully this chapter makes up for it. (: And I'll do my best to read your fanfictions (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it truly means so much to me and I appreciate it so much! (:  
**KMPC** - Hey! You finally got an account (: And it's totally fine that you didn't review - I completely understand, no hard feelings! (: And no, in my story - Eli's dad in the show, is Jack in my story. I'm not too sure how I see Eli's real father, just use your imagination (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it honestly means the entire world to me, and I appreciate it more then anything in the world! (:  
**RachRox12** - I am really happy that you liked it and will do (: Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means so much to me, and I appreciate it more then anything in the entire world (:  
**liveANDlovelife -** Haha, I'm glad that you think so (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It truly means so much to me, and to this story. I also appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**Elinfatuated** - DEGRASSI PREMIERES TONIGHT. Oh my Goldsworthy, am I excited :P I'm so happy that they're going to be involved in the first episode - I absolutely need to see Eli, like as soon as I possibly can! I reallllly need a flashback - it will make the story line so much more real, to see how Eli and her were together /: I hope that they worked some thing out. Awwh (: I'm happy that my stories helped you survive these past months :P And I won't stop writing until the last chapter (: And I'm so happy that you're not going to stop reading! (: It means a lot to me. I wish he wasn't a fictional character - I wish Eli was my boyfriend actually! :P Haha. My friends aren't all that in to Degrassi either, but they're going to have to get used to it once the episodes begin again - because I almost never stop talking about Degrassi. Whenever a promo comes out - I analyze every last scene in it! Haha (: And no worries, I'm obsessed with Degrassi also - I understand where you're coming from (: Hahaaha. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; It seriously means the world to me, and I appreciate it more then anything in the entire world (:  
**Princess. Amyy** - Awwh (: I'll definitely keep writing, as long as you keep reading (: And I'm really happy that you like my story, it means the world to me (: And here's the new chapter! :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story, it really does mean sooo much to me and I appreciate it a whole lot! (:  
**TheMsdegrassi** - Sorry that it wasn't that long, but I'm happy that you thought it wasn't boring (: I hope you enjoy this chapter! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story, it honestly means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:

**Song Suggestion** - "Not Enough" by Our Lady Peace

Chapter Seventeen  
"Nothing Left To Fear"

"What would you do if your mom walked in right now?" I asked her, as we both layed there - with her eyes closed. All we did was layed there, with the occasional kiss here and there - but nothing more then that. I didn't mind that though, because we truly liked each other - we weren't just together for the sexual stuff.

"I wouldn't know what to do," She answered, "I would seriously freeze and have not one thing to say,"

I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of her mom entering her room, to see Clare cuddling with me, "That would be hilarious,"

"Yeah - it would be funny, up until my mom took you by your hair and threw you down the stairs," I let out a laugh, as did Clare.

"Your mom would probably congratulate you on getting such an amazing guy, like myself" I joked, Clare rolled her eyes and smiled - playfully and softly hitting my arm,

"Get over yourself," She murmured,

"Does my ego effect you?" I asked, with a smile,

"_Very much_," She joked. I smiled and kissed her forehead.

"It's already one in the morning, I should probably get going," I told her - not wanting to risk her mother walking in and her getting grounded for life, "I wouldn't want to keep Saint Clare up all night; I know you need your sleep" I said, with a smile, Clare rolled her eyes and smiled,

"Don't leave," She muttered, as she put her head in to my chest.

"You'll thank me tomorrow, when you're falling asleep in every last one of your classes,"

"I've stayed up later then one before," She argued,

"Name one time," I demanded proof. There was no way that Saint Clare stays up that late on school nights..

She was silent for only a moment; "You win this one," She surrendered, I couldn't help but chuckle at her attempt to sound bad ass. I sat up, as did she. I hugged her ever so tightly, and kissed her forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow, Eli,"

"Can't wait," I said with a smile, as I opened her bedroom window. I stopped for a minute, "It would be wonderful if you would let me out the front door," I stated; dreading having to find a way down her brick house. Clare giggled,

"Let me look to see if my mom's still sleeping," She responded, opening the bedroom door and slowly walking down the stairs. I hoped that her mother would still be passed out - jumping out of her window would most likely be painful and a bad idea. I watched as Clare entered the room, hoping that she was coming with only good news, "If my mom hears you-" She began to warn me, meaning that I was capable of going downstairs,

"She won't, I promise," I told her, as I kissed her forehead, and she smiled. She then walked me downstairs, and slowly opened the front door - we softly kissed once more, before I exited her house; fast-walking down the street.

Thank God I came to her house tonight.. Every night that I spend with her, only brings us closer then ever before. You would think that we would get annoyed of always depending on one another, spending all of our free time together and having to deal with each others personal issues - but for some reason, we got closer and closer; not wanting to drift apart.

I loved the way it was with her, and I'm happy that I finally found some one who I can honestly depend on. Clare fills the spot of a best friend and a girlfriend. She's every thing that I could ever possibly ask for and I love it. I love her.

* * *

I opened my eyes to the sound of my mother's voice, as she softly shook my shoulder. I had thoughts of punching her straight in the face. It felt too early, I was too tired, I was not in the mood to go to school and I'm refusing to wake up. I am not going to school.

"Eli honey," My mother gently spoke my name, attempting to wake me up, "Eli wake up," I wasn't going to respond. She might as well give up now,

"No," I muttered,

"Are you five again?"

"Just about,"

"Eli, wake up," She demanded - with a little more power in her voice this time.

"I'm fine sleeping"

"Fine. You leave me no choice"

"What are you going to do?" I asked, almost mocking her for even thinking that she had control over what I did.

"Prepare for a cold shower, Elijah" She said, standing up from the bed. I immediately sat up - knowing that she wasn't kidding. There were numerous times where I refused to wake up, and she drenched me in the ice cold water - water that could make your entire body freeze and feel unmovable for minutes.

"Okay _crazy_ - I'm awake," I told her.

"That's exactly what I thought" She said with a smile on her face, as she exited my room. I had surrendered and now I was forced to go to Degrassi. As I've stated numerous times, Clare is the only thing that makes me want to go to that school - and as much as I care about Clare, I can't always go to school just to see her.

School was torture and I was the victim.

I brushed my teeth, got changed, and grabbed all of my things - I walked downstairs to see a kitchen where both of my parents sat, just like always.

"You're quite tired this morning, Eli. How late were you up last night?" My mother asked. My parents didn't care if I stayed up till five in the morning on a school night, they only cared if I was home and safe. Last night, I was not home.. But they don't have to know that.

"One or so"

"Doing what?" She interrogated me

"Studying for an English test" I lied. My mother nodded,

"Good luck on your test, sweetie" She stated, as I made my way towards the door.

I opened the door and was about to leave when I heard my mother's voice,

"Oh Eli" She spoke, I stopped walking and waited to hear what she had to say "Next time you plan on sneaking out.. Remember one thing" Fuck "When you know that me and Jack are watching movies in the front room.. You probably shouldn't walk so close to the front room window,"

Burned.

"I'll remember that next time, mom" I quickly ran out of my house - walking as fast as I possibly could towards Morty. I was caught. I had been caught in a lie and now I just look like a dumb ass. I entered the driver's seat and sped off - for once, I wanted to be at school.

Pulling up to Degrassi was potentially the worst feeling in the world. The thought of being forced, against my own will, to enter that Hell and have to associate with those assholes was disturbing. I've probably explained how much I hate Degrassi and how disturbing the people who attend the school are, a million times, but I'll never be able to accept it. I could talk about it for millions of days, and I'll always have more to say.

I hate them that much, that they're all I can talk about some times - there are times where they are all I can even think about. They seem to be eating my happiness away, like they had no shame in ruining the _new kid's_ life. I felt like I was being initiated or some thing - like I was being bullied like this because I was new.

But it wasn't because of that. It was because of KC's big mouth and no conscience. He wanted to hurt me - he wanted to hit me where it hurts the most. And for a guy who is my supposed best friend - I never received an apology or sympathy from him. He acts like he has no idea who I am - he acts like he's known me just as long as Fitz has.

I sighed as I exited Morty - longing for the moment that I were to exit Degrassi and be capable of saying _'one day closer to summer'_. I usually loved the fall - the leafs blowing around me - the way the weather was in the middle of cold and warm, and how the trees were stripped of their leaves. Fall was my all time favorite season. But this fall - my life has seemed to fall apart, slipping between my fingers.

I was in no control over how things were to turn out. My life slipped away from my very hands and ended up in the hands of the bullies at Degrassi. My mood, my social life, and my sanity was all in the hands of KC, Fitz and their followers. It was like I was a body, with no control. I was like their doll - some one for them to mess with, without having a guilt or sympathy.

I entered Degrassi and looked straight forward - ignoring the giggles and comments that were thrown at me like a ton of bricks. A familiar face caught my eye - Fitz's face to be exact. I tried to go unnoticed - to walk past him and hope that he was unable to see me. I wanted to be invisible.

But I wasn't,

"Oh Eli" I heard his raspy voice call out - almost in a singing tone. I couldn't help but slowly roll my eyes, as I turned to face him. What more could he possibly have to say? He's called me every name in the book and has made my life a living hell.. What else is there to do?

"What?" I asked, with no emotion whatsoever.

"Me and my friends were just finishing up a discussion" Why would I care? "But we were having trouble coming up with a full answer - we couldn't close the argument because we weren't sure who was right" Okay? "Can you help us out"

"Yeah" I decided that I had to play along - I had to act like I actually wanted to hear what he had to say. The more I accepted it - the more bored Fitz would eventually become.

"Are you and Saint Clare like an item or some thing?" He asked, his friends softly laughing after - like they were pranking me or some thing. I expected that there was some sort of punch line, some sort of _'funny'_ comment that Fitz would make once I answered.

"No" I didn't want Clare involved in this. I wanted her to stay out of this.

"Good, because I wanted to take her to this party tonight" Not gonna happen "Maybe I'll even get in her panties"

I wanted to rip his face off and stomp on it with every muscle I had.

"Leave her out of this" I demanded, stepping closer to Fitz, so that I was in his face. He might be taller, probably even stronger - but I truly don't care. You don't talk about the people I care about. I don't care if he beats the fuck out of me - as long as Clare's not involved.

"What are you going to do, emo boy?" He asked "_Kill _me?"

I let out a sarcastic laugh - "I would if I could"

"One person in your family is already in jail.. I doubt your _precious mommy_ would care if another one was"

"Clever one, jackass" I sarcastically replied. I began to walk away, not wanting to get too aggravated and do some thing stupid. I refused to let Fitz get the best of me..

* * *

I approached my locker, it was the end of the day - I was finally able to go home and I couldn't feel happier. I had accomplished getting through one more day. As I approached my locker, I saw a number of signs attached to it. I became confused. I wasn't able to make out any of the words from so far. As I got closer, I examined all of the signs,

About four signs read "Murderer's Son"

I looked at the very bottom of my locker and my eyes narrowed on to one single thing. I felt my knees shake, as my jaw dropped. I couldn't breathe - I was incapable of moving at this moment. I finally bent down and ripped the paper off of my locker. I stood back up, and held it in front of my face. How did they get this?

A picture of me and Julia was in my hands. Was this supposed to be funny? Taping a picture of me and Julia to my locker. I was disturbed, shocked, nervous.. and just plain confused. I didn't know what to do. I was lost. I felt my grip on the picture growing stronger, as anger spread around the inside of my body. I felt my face turning a dark red - as every positive thought I had previously had in my body, was ripped to pieces.

Fitz crossed the line.

* * *

It was 4 PM and I was making my way to the Dot. I had heard numerous rumors that Fitz tends to hangout around there. I had made a few text messages and had planned some thing out for Fitz. I was done being the victim - I've been the victim my entire life. For once, it's time to be the bully.

As I drove Morty, I sat in complete silence. My knuckles were white from how tight I was holding on to the steering wheel. My eyes were narrowed on the road ahead of me, as my teeth were closed so tightly that I was convinced that they every last one of them would shatter.

I parked across the street from the Dot. I was parked in front of an alley way - at the end of the alley it seemed to be a lot of opened space. The alley was long, which negatively effected my vision on seeing who all the kids were at the end of the alley. I clearly didn't want to approach them, thinking it was Fitz and his friends, for it to be some random group of kids who still wanted to beat the shit out of me.

My rage got the best of me, and I decided to take the chance and begin walking down the alley way. I was only a few steps in the alley when I heard a female voice call out my name. I wasn't too sure who it was, until I turned around to see Clare Edwards standing by Morty.

"Eli?" She seemed confused to where I was heading and why I looked so angry.

"Clare, leave" I demanded. I didn't want her to be any part of this. This was between Fitz and me - it shouldn't involve Clare, and I refuse to allow it to involve Clare. I turned around, intending on making my way down the alley, when I heard Clare's voice once again

"Eli, can you just talk to me?" I stopped walking, rolled my eyes and sighed, and then turned back around. I approached her,

"Clare. I need to deal with Fitz - for once and for all"

"What are you going to do?"

"_What do you think_?" Saint Clare wasn't all up for violence and I usually wasn't either - but Fitz, _my friend_, has crossed the line.

"Eli, whatever Fitz did - going this far isn't worth it"

"It is to me"

"What did he do?"

"He taped a picture of me and Julia to my locker! Clare, isn't the bad enough?"

"Ignore it, Eli. Fighting is only going to make it worse!" She tried to talk me out of my plans, but I wasn't going for it. I had my mind set on one thing. That one thing was punching Fitz's face over three million times.

"Clare" I said her name softly, placing my hands on her upper arms "Just go"

With those last words, I turned away from her - walking down the alley. I could almost feel her eyes burning a hole in my back; as if she was disappointed and scared at the same time. I had no emotion in my body, to be honest. I felt empty - like every thing I could possibly feel was shattered. I was finally broken, but I refused to shatter with out taking the bully down with me.

As I came closer to the group - my eyes caught a familiar face. I softly squinted my eyes - in order to get a better vision of the guy standing with all of his friends surrounding him.

It was Fitz.

Seeing his disgusting face raised a certain emotion in me - _anger_. I felt like I was going to lose my mind. My sanity was out the door and I was prepared to scream at the top of my lungs. I wanted Fitz to feel my fist connect with his jaw - _actually_, I wanted Fitz to feel my fist connect with his entire face.

I was feet away from the crowd; Fitz made eye contact with me, and I could see his mouth curl up in to a smile - like seeing me amused him. He knew he could pick on me. His friends backed away, leaving it with just me and Fitz standing there - face to face.

"Did you like your locker?" He asked "I think the picture really set it over the top. Golden material, aye?"

"Where did you get the picture?" I asked. That was my main concern to be honest; how in the world could he have possible gotten that picture?

"A few of us were at KC's and he told me I could have the picture" Fuck KC.

"That's great, you're real mature Fitz" I sarcastically responded

"Did it hurt your feelings?" He mocked me.

"How is any of this funny to you?" I asked "A girl died - my girlfriend was killed in a car accident and to you, it seems like a huge joke"

"I don't pity you, Eli"

"I'm not asking for pity! I'm asking for respect"

"I don't give respect to people who don't deserve it"

"Why don't I deserve respect? What have I ever done to lose respect from any one at Degrassi?" I questioned him. I didn't mean to act as if I was so innocent, because I know I'm not - but I don't understand how I could have done some thing so wrong, to deserve so much payback.

"First - you kissed your best friend's girlfriend, which is pretty fucked up. I'm an asshole and even I wouldn't do that" _Cool_, I didn't ask "And Second - you're a murderer's son. You're related to a murderer and that tends to lose you _popularity points_" He talked as if he was so high above every one. He was continuously sarcastic and obnoxious. I hated him.

"My dad is not a fucking murderer. He didn't intend on murdering anyone - it was a fucking mistake" I snapped, unable to take the criticism anymore.

"Okay, it might have been a mistake for your father.. But he took some ones life" Fitz stated. "I think Julia is pretty mad"

"Don't speak for Julia" I heard a random voice from behind call out. I turned back and saw Johnny DiMarco walking down the alley way - he looked angry.

"Johnny, what do you have to do with any of this?" Fitz asked, probably curious to why Johnny was here in the first place.

"Julia was my sister" Johnny said, giving Fitz a little shove

Fitz ignored the push and responded - "If Julia's your sister, then why are you on his side? His dad killed your sister"

"You don't know anything, Fitz. You never knew Julia, you met Eli this year and the only time you've ever heard the story; was from KC - who's a lying douche bag who would say anything to turn every one against Eli" Johnny went off "What happened between my sister, Eli, and Eli's dad has nothing to do with you - so I suggest that you get out of here, before I really get mad" Johnny threatened Fitz.

Fitz rolled his eyes, like he thought that Johnny couldn't touch him. Hate to break it to you Fitz, but you're not invincible.

"Johnny, you're a senior. You're leaving for college after this year - why do you care about how Eli is? Eli is the sole reason why your sister is gone. Why stick up for such a scumbag?" it seemed like Fitz was practically testing Johnny, to see if Johnny would actually do anything. I've known Johnny for a long time and if you press the wrong button, it'll blow back up in your face.

"Say one more thing, Fitz. Keep testing me" Johnny warned him - practically spelling out _'I'm going to kick the fuck out of you'_

But of course, Fitz didn't understand..

"Does your entire family like Eli? Or are they all a little ticked off about the Julia thing?" Fitz's sarcastic comments, that were supposed to be funny - didn't amuse either me or Johnny. Johnny paused and seemed like he was debating on what to do. That's when, I stepped in.

My fist connected with the side of Fitz's face, he seemed caught off guard and stumbled backwards. One of his friends stepped forward, seeming as if he was ready to defend Fitz. He looked like he was about to attack me, when Johnny punched him straight in the face. A full out brawl practically broke out, as Fitz punched me in the face several times and Johnny beat the hell out of some random kid, that had attempted to step in.

Every punch that hit my face made me feel numb. I finally began fighting back, as I punched Fitz back. Johnny then stepped in, punching Fitz in the face two more times. Fitz hit the floor, and I then sat on top of him - punching him several times in the face. I wasn't even thinking about what I was doing, I was just thinking about every emotion that was building up inside of me, and needed to get out.

I felt blood dripping out of my nose and a little out of my lip, but I ignored it - I finally stopped punching Fitz, once his nose and lip also began bleeding. I stood up and saw that all of Fitz's friends were cheering the fight on - they didn't seem like that good of friends, for not stepping in. I also noticed that the kid Johnny had been beating, was still on the floor, holding his nose, as if he was in unbearable pain.

"What are you kids doing out here?" We heard a manly voice yell. We all looked up to see some man wearing a Dot worker's shirt standing there. Instantly, every one took off - running in numerous directions, as if the Dot worker was a police officer.

I entered Morty, and saw Clare standing across the street, in front of the Dot. I signaled for her to come enter Morty. Clare looked as if she was debating for a moment or two, but eventually ran across the street and entered the passenger's seat. I sped off. Leaving the scene of the crime.

My heart finally stopped beating so uncontrollably fast, as I continued to drive - with no direction. I glanced at Clare and saw how in shock she was. I wasn't sure what had caused her to look so scared and nervous, but some thing had clearly happened.

"What's wrong?" I asked,

"I watched the whole fight" She informed me "I never knew you could lose control so.. _Easily_"

"I'm not a violent person, Clare" I defended myself.

"Then what was that?" She raised her voice, as if she was disappointed in my choice of actions - they were my actions, they were my choices.

"It was me teaching Fitz a lesson" I answered quickly, "I'm sick of being the victim"

"That's not a good enough excuse"

"I don't know what you want me to say!" I snapped,

"Tell me why you thought that taking it to such extremes was okay" She demanded, practically begging me for an answer.

"Clare, I am not usually like that. I'm usually calmer about this stuff and I hate fighting. I'm never violent"

"Actions speak louder then words"

I rolled my eyes "Clare, what's done is done, get over it already," I snapped once again,

"Eli! Look at the blood on your knuckles, t-shirt and face - and tell me that you're not disgusted by your actions" Clare yelled, seeming like she was fed up with my comebacks. I quickly looked down at my knuckles and saw the dry blood that covered them, "You practically gave Fitz a reason to be even meaner to you"

"It's not like he was going to stop being mean. That fight probably didn't change a thing"

"Then why did you fight if it wasn't going to change anything?"

"Because what he is doing is not okay"

"And you think that what you're doing is?"

"I don't know Clare! I don't have all the answers!" I screamed.

Clare looked out the window and remained silent.

We were silent the rest of the car ride.

I pulled up in front of her house, and turned the car off. I let out a deep breath, as I attempted to calm myself down. I didn't want to fight with Clare, I refused to fight with Clare. I didn't want to take out all my anger for Fitz, on Clare.

"I'm sorry" I softly spoke, as we sat in silence.

"Think about what you've done, Eli" She looked me straight in the eyes "Then we can talk"

She exited Morty, and entered her house - without looking back at me.

I don't understand why she was so angry and upset over this. What I did was my decision - not hers. I'm happy with my actions, as of now, and I finally got all my anger out on the guy who seems to love ruining my life. I originally thought that Clare didn't care about what I did, as long as I never did bad things to her.

Apparently, I was wrong.


	19. Chapter 18

**ilovetaylorswift13** - I'm glad that you loved the chapter (: It means a lot to me. Also, Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means the world to me, and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**Elinfatuated** - Haha, I'm happy that you decided to read my chapter, instead of studying for your test :P Hahaha. I always hold off studying; I'm kind of a procrastinator. Eli was completely adorable in the new episode. When he said "You like her" then "You love her" it made me want to melt :P Haha. Oh my Goldsworthy; he is too cute. I hate when EClare fight /: They're too cute, and I'm scared for this season - because there are numerous promos that show Clare yelling at Eli for suffocating her and whatever. I would never push Eli away, he's too cute (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it truly means the world to me and I honestly appreciate it soooo much! (:  
**RachRox12** - I am happy that you liked it, and I updated as fast as I could! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the world to me, and to this story. I also appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**clareandeliforever** - Hahaha! Degrassi was amazing! (: I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did - especially when Eli was in the scenes; he kept saying the cutest stuff (: Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing this story; it seriously means soooo much to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**KarenIsCoolio** - Haha, I'm sorry that Clare made you angry /: but I'm glad that you liked the chapter! :P Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing this story; it really does mean the entire world to me and I honestly appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**TVIsMyDrug4 **- Awwwwwh (: I'm glad that you think it's great and truly awesome. Like it seriously means sooo much to me and I am so happy that you think that (: Also thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it honestly means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**Zephyr Hearts** - Hahah! I like your salt on a peanut comment :P And I would of reacted even worse to the situation then Eli did. Haha, I always had this weird liking towards Johnny; like I was always interested in his character and wanted him to remain on the show; that's why I put him in my story! :P there's a preview that shows Sav at Johnny's door! Maybe Johnny's back! (: Ahh, I hope so. I'm glad that you enjoyed the way I wrote the fight (: It means a lot to me. Oooh, Eli should've said that. And awwh! I'm soooo happy that you enjoyed this chapter so much! (: It means legit like the world to me and I am so happy that you liked the chapter so much (: And ahh, I'm so bad when it comes to then-than and layed-laid. My English teacher continuously corrects me, and I never seem to be able to get the hang of it /: I wrote the part about Eli's mom catching Eli in his lie, because on Saturday night - I stayed out way past my curfew and came in to my house. All the lights were off, so I figured that every one was sleeping. I slowly walked up the stairs and entered my room to see my mom sitting on my bed :O haha. She didn't ground me though, she actually laughed when she saw how scared I got when I saw her. Haha (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it truly means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**E. K. Rico** - I'm on Team Johnny and Eli too! :P The new episode was soooo good! Eli was absolutely adorable in it! I loved his random funny side comments (: Damn, Eli is far too cute! (: I love Eli Goldsworthy too! :P Thank you so much for reading an reviewing this story, it seriously means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything in the entire world! (:  
**Natsuki Sato** - Hahahha. Yeah, she does. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it seriously means the world to me and I honestly appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**DegrassiFFLover12** - Awwh /: Remember though - Violence isn't the answer - I don't want to sound like a parent or anything, I just don't want you to get hurt or anything /: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it seriously means the world to me and I appreciate it soo much! (:  
**TheMsedegrassi** - Sorry if it took a little long for the update; I'm having so much to do lately, I don't know how to like well-organize my time, you know? Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it seriously means so much to me and I appreciate it a whole lot! (:  
**eclarelover4life -** I'm sooo happy that you like the story (: I loved the new episode - I feel so bad for Adam though. I'm happy that Dave finally found a girl. Eli was soooo cute in the episode; his side comments were priceless (: Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing. It truly means so much to me, and to this story. I also appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**PullMeIntoTheDark -** Hahah (: Suspense is here, I hope you enjoy it (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it seriously means the entire world to me. I also honestly appreciate it more then anything in the world! (:  
**KMPC - **I'm really happy that you liked the chapter (: Fitz did deserve what came to him. Go Eli! :P Hahah! KC does deserve it. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it seriously means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything! (:

**Song Suggestion** - "Wonderwall" by Ryan Adams

Chapter Eighteen  
"Today Is Gonna Be The Day That  
They're Gonna Give It Back To You"

My throat felt closed, as I felt like I was holding my breath. I stared at the plain white ceiling, barely blinking - just sick of these same four walls. I felt like these walls were taunting me. The only time I was ever present in my room, was when some thing bad had happened. Sure, I've been in my room when nothing negative has happened - but lately, I'm always here - staring at the ceiling, contemplating my next move.

I felt like my life was honestly turning in to a tornado of drama and tears. I continuously am fighting to keep myself sane. Whenever things seem to be getting a little bit better - it falls all the way back down. I had Clare, I was decently happy - the happiest I've ever been since I got to Degrassi. Then, I let Fitz get to me - I let him get in my head. I fought him, I used violence; even though Clare had told me not to.

Now, I sit here alone. No friends and currently fighting with my girlfriend. I was officially losing my mind.. actually - I think I may have already lost my mind. I sat up from my bed, and approached my desk. I sat down, and opened my laptop. The light from the computer screen practically blinded me; I quickly squinted, attempting to get past the sensitivity of my eyes. I let out a deep breath, as I opened my Skype.

I prayed for her to be on. I needed to talk to Clare. Fighting with her was the world's worst feeling. I just wanted to be with her and forget about all the jackasses who are trying to screw me over. As long as I have Clare - I have every thing. I scrolled down my friend's list, and saw that Clare was online. I went straight to her profile and pressed the Video Call button.

I was nervous. I wasn't sure what I was going to say; although, it's usually best to just say whatever comes to mind. I suppose that it'll all go right.. If she answers, of course. I felt like each ring lasted ten minutes. Her face suddenly popped up on my screen - she looked beautiful. She looked absolutely perfect.

"Hi" Smooth Eli..

Clare didn't respond, she just sat there; looking as if she didn't want to even look at me. She seemed to be disappointed and annoyed in me. I would be too, I mean - I made an asshole out of myself and I used violence, allowing my girlfriend to watch every thing happen.

"I got karma" I told her "My knuckles are barely movable, and I think I broke my middle finger" I let out a little laugh, but Clare's face remained unmoved - she had such an angry facial expression on, like she didn't think anything I said was funny or interesting.

"Clare, please talk - the silence is killing me" I begged, I needed to hear her angelic voice. I just wanted her to say my name and tell me that she wasn't mad, and understood where I was coming from. I wanted her forgiveness - I wanted her.

"Silent treatment? For how long?" I asked, I was getting sick of talking to myself, but knew that I couldn't give up - at least not this soon "There's a dance next week, you know? I want to take you, even though people are probably going to try to fight me"

"Yeah I know" She muttered. Thank God I heard her voice.

"Want to go with me?"

"I don't know" I sighed,

"Please" I begged, my voice sounded like I was heartbroken; although I wasn't. I just felt like I was incapable of speaking, which resulted in a low and raspy voice.

"Are you going to double team people and make them gush blood?" She asked, I sighed

"Never again"

Clare's mouth formed in to a small smirk, I couldn't help but smile.

"I'm so sorry, Clare.. for everything"

"You still need to work your way back up"

"What do you mean?" I questioned. I suppose that it was a stupid question; her statement was crystal clear - I just had no other response.

"You disappointed me, Eli" She informed me "Therefore, you need to work your way back up"

"How though?" I was desperate for suggestions,

"Figure it out" She said, with a devilish smirk after. She clicked the End Call button, and her face evaporated from my computer screen. I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. What was I going to do? How was I possibly going to win Clare's respect back? I'm not even sure if we're still together; I hope we are though..

I let out a deep breath, as I approached my bed - falling back and slamming on to it. My head rested on the soft pillow, as my eyes concentrated on the ceiling above me; as they always do. I put my arm out, and reached for a picture on my nightstand. I grabbed the picture frame, and put it right in front of my face. I stared at the picture.

The picture was of Julia and me. It was exactly two weeks before she died. We were at a park, just me and her. I had my arms tightly wrapped around her, as she rested her head on my shoulder. This was my favorite picture in the world; to be honest. I loved it. It showed how much we really cared about each other and always made each other..

Happy.

* * *

I entered Morty, it was 6:57 in the morning and I was heading towards Degrassi. I was practically incapable of getting any sleep, so I woke up early enough to get to Degrassi before any one else really did. The knuckles on my right hand were extremely swollen, and they felt like they were on fire. Who would of thought that Fitz's face was like a rock..

I parked in the Degrassi parking lot - only three other cars were parked here. I was surprised that anyone was here at all, to be honest. People usually showed up around 7:20 or so - not as early as 7. I slowly approached Degrassi, with my backpack hanging off of my right shoulder. I examined the school, for the first time to be honest. From the outside; Degrassi seemed as if it was a love-filled, nice, and welcoming school..

Damn, was that interpretation wrong.

Degrassi was not love-filled, nice, or welcoming. Degrassi was a place that focused on drama, rather then academics. Degrassi was filled with drama-loving physcos - who focused on _'proving their manliness'_ or making captain of the cheerleading team. About 80 percent of Degrassi was obsessed with popularity. I happened to be apart of the 20 percent, that just wanted to make it through high school, and not worry too much about what others thought.

I walked down the hallway, staring at my feet as they continuously stepped forward. Barely anyone was here - what was the point of staring forward? It's not like I was going to bump in to anyone anyways. I began to unlock my locker, when I suddenly noticed some one at the corner of my eye. I looked to the right and saw Adam sitting there, with his back against his locker.

I threw my backpack in my locker and slammed it shut, I then sat down next to Adam - I hadn't talked to him in ages, but he always seemed like a cool guy. I actually felt like I could tell him stuff, with out him screwing me over like an asshole would.. (KC).

"Long time, no talk" I stated, he smirked -

"I've noticed" He answered

"Why are you here so early?"

"Why are _you_ here so early?"

"Valid question" I said, smiling "I couldn't sleep much last night, so I decided to just come to school early - it was better then laying down, with my eyes wide open - staring at the ceiling, in silence" I explained, "Your turn"

"Being home is like.. Living in hell"

"Interesting answer" I began "Why is that?"

"My family doesn't really.." He hesitated to continue "Get me"

I squinted my eyes and looked at him with a confused facial expression. He was clearly leaving out details - maybe they were ones that he truly didn't want to share. I wasn't sure what he was implying with his _'family doesn't get me'_ statement - but I wanted to find out.

"Details?" I know that his personal life had nothing to do with me - especially since we were barely even friends; but I felt like I was able to tell him anything, so I expected him to feel as if he could trust me. It's not like I had any friends to '_gossip_' with.

"Every one at Degrassi already knows, so I suppose that I might as well just tell you.. You'll find out eventually, anyways.." He paused, and let out a deep breath "I'm an FTM"

"What's that?"

"A female to male transgender" He answered "Let me guess - you don't want anything to do with me, now?"

"No dude - you being a transgender doesn't bother me" I answered "You're still a cool guy to me"

Adam's mouth formed in to a smile "Good" He responded "Most people gave a negative response.. I'm glad that you're different from them"

I smiled, and we continued to talk.

* * *

At lunch time, I sat in the hallway - staring forward, with a comic book in my hand. I wasn't too hungry today and just wanted to enjoy some comics. I had my legs straight out in front of me, as I held the book up to my face - reading line after line, and examining all the pictures. I guess that I liked comic books because they were interesting and were far different from actual books. I wasn't a big fan of reading, to be completely honest.

I turned page after page, taking only seconds to read each one. I was a fast reader - even though I tend to avoid reading. I closed the comic book and sighed; not knowing how to fill up my extra free time now. Clare hadn't shown up to my locker today; I guess that her _'you need to work your way up'_ thing, wasn't a joke. I sat here alone, in silence, attempting to think of some thing to do next.

I suddenly heard footsteps; I originally believed that the footsteps belonged to Clare, so I pretended as if I didn't hear anything - and continued staring forward, at the wall. Although, the footsteps seemed too heavy to belong to such a small girl like Clare. I grew curious to who was approaching me, so I looked up. Fitz's egotistical face, led a group of two other guys - as they all walked towards me. I let out a deep breath and stood up from the ground,

"Fitz Fitz Fitz, how's the face?" I asked. Fitz had a large purple bruise forming on his cheek and a deep cut on his lip. I knew that the bruising and cuts belonged to me - which gave me this feeling of accomplishment. I wanted to make Fitz hurt, even if it was the wrong thing to do.

"_Ha ha_" He sarcastically responded, implying that he wasn't here to joke around or have a back-and-forth insult conversation, "I'm glad that you think this is funny"

"It's very.. _Amusing_"

"It it really?" He asked, almost as if he was teasing me or some thing "You know, if your little friend Johnny wasn't there to protect you, whenever I was beating the hell out of you - you would have never layed a finger on me" Oh is that right?

"You're kidding, right?" I asked, sarcastically laughing afterwards "Fitz, you're a joke. You act tough - but you have a weak body and mind. I've never met some one who was as good at acting as you are.. You're not as strong as people think you are" I was being harsh. I wanted him to feel the pain that he had previously caused me with all of his teasing and pranks.

"Here, let me change your mind-" Without me having time to even process what he had said, I felt his fist plunge in to my fragile stomach. My back hit the locker, and I bent over - my stomach felt like it had just been hit by millions of bricks. I let out a cough, before I felt a knee connect with my face. I fell to my knees and held my face in pain. I was in a crawl position when I began to feel numerous kicks to my stomach - I attempted to protect my stomach and head, but it seemed impossible. Every where that my hands were unable to cover - the three guys were able to cover for me.. with their foots.

I layed on the floor, and turned so that my back was on the floor and I was looking up at Fitz and his two friends. I was holding my stomach, as I winced in pain. My stomach felt numb, but I was still capable of feeling the pain that those kicks had brought on to me. I stared Fitz straight in the eyes, and I could see his evil smile. I closed my eyes for a moment, I opened them to a fist coming straight at my face.

Fitz punched me for what felt like a thousand years. Each punch seemed to be filled with more rage and hate. I wanted to put my hands over my face, but his knees were _conveniently_ placed on top of my hands. He continued to punch me, and I just layed there - with my eyes squinted, as I felt the unbearable pain of a bare knuckle smashing in to my fragile face.

I thought that the punching would never stop - that it would go on forever; but I heard a female voice, and felt Fitz's weight lifted off of me - I turned to see all three of the guys sprinting down the hall in fear. I turned my head to the other way and saw a female running towards me.

I felt blind, because of all the blood that was on my face. I felt like my entire face was drowning in blood - and I was unable to wipe it all off. I just layed there, and felt like it was impossible to move - like I was frozen or some thing of that sort. My vision was exceptionally blurry and I wasn't exactly sure whose face was right in front of me.

I slowly closed my eyes - and my eye lids felt like millions of pounds. The female's voice blurred and I wasn't able to hear it anymore.


	20. Chapter 19

**Natsuki Sato** - Awwh /: don't worry. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it seriously means the entire world to me. And I appreciate it more then anything in the whole entire world (:  
**Zephyr Hearts** - Hahaha, yeah - My jaw dropped and my eyes went so wide, and I completely froze. Hahaa. Sorry that the chapter wasn't all the long. Each chapter has like 4,000 or 5,000 words, but they always seem to be so freaking short /: Haha. And I know, I love that song so much, it's so sad, but so cute at the same time (: And awwh, I'm so happy that you think it's one of the best EClare stories (: It means so much to me. And once I'm done with this story, I will definitely write another. I'm like addicted to writing about EClare :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it seriously means the entire world to me and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**PullMeIntoTheDark **- Hahaha, you'll read Clare's response in this chapter! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It truly means like the entire world to me, and I appreciate it more then anything possible! (:  
**freakaroundtown** - Awwwh, I am so happy that you enjoyed the chapter, and I hope that I updated quick enough! (: Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing this story. It really does mean soooo much to me and I appreciate it more then anything in the world! (:  
**DegrassiFFLover12** - /: I'm not going to try to talk you out of using violence - BUT I would suggest that you don't use violence /: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story, it seriously means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything in the whole world! (:  
**EclareTheLovers** - I am happy that you enjoyed the chapter (: And awwh, I'm really happy that you read every chapter, and it's okay if you don't review - I understand. You'll see who the female voice is in this chapter! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It really does mean sooo much to me, and to this story. I also appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**Elinfatuated** - I love how you said your review was going to be short, but it ended up being long :P That's a good thing though, I absolutely LOVE long reviews, (: The 'You Like Her, You Love Her' comment was probably my favorite line of the entire episode. Haha. Eli is sooooo cute. Oh My Goldsworthy :P haha. The bench slide looks so adorable (: He is so talented :P ahaha. And as for the entire Clare situation; even though we don't know exactly why she's acting like this.. The promos are making me not like her /: She's being so harsh in them and seems like she doesn't even care about how her words are effecting Eli /: Maybe I'm wrong though - maybe there is a whole different side to the story that we don't know about yet. I guess we won't know until the EClare episodes air! (: And the drama t-shirt looked absolutely perfect on Eli (: He looked so tan and hot. haha. I'm so happy that you liked the chapter so much (: The 'Hold the Phone' comment was hilarious. And don't worry, I don't mind when you go off topic - it's pretty interesting actually :P haha. Promos are making me so sad too! /: I hate seeing Eli's face after Clare says some thing mean to him /: It's soo sad. Nice 'That's What She Said' comment. Haha. And when Eli tweeted the That's What She Said thing, I could not stop laughing! It was sooo funny; I told like all of my friends about it. Haha. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it seriously means the entire world to me and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**Clareandeliforever** - I hope I updated quick enough (: And awwh, I'm glad that you think it keeps getting better (: That means a lot to me. Also, Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it really does mean sooo much to me and I appreciate it more then anything (:  
**RachRox12 -** I love Adam too! (: Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing this story, it seriously means the entire world to me and I appreciate it more then anything in the whole entire world! (:  
**MrsDibiase-10 -** Awwwh, (: I am sooo happy that you think that it was amazing (: It means soo much to me. (: Also, thank you so so so so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the entire world to me, it also means so much to my story. I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**TVIsMyDrug4 **- Maybe things will get better for Eli, maybe they won't - you'll just have to read to find out :P haha. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It truly means sooooo much to me, and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**E. K. Rico -** Hahahha, you'll find out if Saint Clare came to the rescue this chapter (: I loved every scene that Eli was in! He was so cute! His lines were so funny and adorable (: I like melted when he came on to my TV screen :P I can't wait till the EClare episodes! (: I just want to see Eli again (: Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing this story; I appreciate it more then anything, and it means so much to me and to this story. (:  
**TheMsdegrassi **- Here's the next chapter! (: I hope that you enjoy it (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means the entire world to me, and to this story. I also appreciate it more then anything in the world. (:  
**ena320 - **I hope that you enjoy this chapter! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means the entire world to me and I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**eclarelover4life - **I'm happy that you enjoyed the chapter, and I updated as soon as I could! (: Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing this story, it honestly means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything in the world. (:

**Song Suggestion** - "Breathe Me" by Sia

Chapter Nineteen  
"Be My Friend"

My eyes slowly opened to a plain white room. My head felt like it weighed too much weight to even move it. I squinted my eyes - attempting to avoid the obnoxious white color that was painted all over the walls, floor, and bed that I was currently laying in. I wasn't sure where I was or exactly what had happened to me, to be honest. My entire body was in unbearable pain - my face, my stomach, my ribs, my arms, my hands - every thing.

I've never been in so much pain. I wasn't capable of moving, I just laid there - with my eyes closed, refusing to wake up. I didn't want to feel this pain, I didn't want to know what happened to me. I just wanted to sleep all of this disturbing pain off.

"Eli" My eyes slowly opened to a female voice, I looked to see Clare standing over my bed. Her eyes were filled with worried and shock. Her cheeks were a light pink color, and her breathing seemed heavier then normally. I could tell that she was scared, but I was in too much pain to even attempt to remember why.

"What the hell happened to me?" I muttered, as I slowly lifted up my hand to place on my face - covering my eyes, so that I didn't have to see this white-colored room that I was currently laying in. It was too bright for a headache like the one I currently have. Clare let out a sigh of relief, like she was scared that I wasn't actually awake. I took my hands off of my eyes to see Clare,

"I didn't come to sit with you in the hallway at lunch; because I expected that you would be okay on your own - since we made the whole _'you have to work your way up'_ deal, or whatever" She seemed so nervous, "Well, I put two-and-two together when I noticed that Fitz and his two friends didn't show up to lunch and neither did you. I practically sprinted to your locker, and saw that you were getting jumped. I yelled out 'Stop' and Fitz and his friends sprinted off, like I was a Police Officer or some thing. I came running to your aid, to only see you covered in blood and bruises had already been formed. You wouldn't wake up and I panicked - so I called some one and they came and drove you to the hospital with me" She explained,

"_Some one_?" I began "Who drove me?" She looked as if she didn't want to tell me, like she was scared of how I would respond. I was confused to why she would be so secretive about the person who helped me out when I needed it the most.

"KC" Her words seemed unbelievable. My jaw practically dropped and I had no words to say. I was completely speechless. KC went out of his way, to drop me off at the hospital, after his friends beat the hell out of me? Don't think I'm crazy, but I personally would never have guessed that.

"You're kidding"

"Not at all" She responded; I felt like I was getting pranked or some thing - there was no way that KC would do this for me "I panicked and didn't know who to call; so I called the only person who I knew could drive. I explained to KC the situation and he was more then willing to help. He came running down the hallway, and attempted to wake you up - just like I had before. Once we both realized that you were unconscious and may have gotten seriously hurt - he lifted you up, over his shoulder and we practically ran to his car"

"If you're messing with me-" Before I could finish, Clare interrupted

"I'm not"

"Why would KC, out of all people in that entire fucking school, go out of his way to help me out? To help the guy who he completely hates?" I wanted answers. Why did KC have a sudden change of heart? The KC who told every one about my personal life would have never done what he did today.. So why did he do it? To impress Clare?

"Maybe.." She hesitated to continue, like she had no idea what to say "Maybe KC realized that some times turning your back on friends who make mistakes, isn't the best idea" Clare suggested, I suspected that she had a conversation with him about me or some thing like that - it seemed like she wanted me to forgive KC and become friends with him again..

"What about Alli?" I randomly brought up "She made a mistake.. You turned your back on her" I reminded her. Clare froze, like she was unsure how to reply. Maybe I had just reminded her of the best friend that she had previously turned her back on. Clare let out a deep long sigh,

"Maybe I need to sort some things out also"

After a few moments of silence; "So.. What should I do?"

"Talk to KC" She suggested "For once in a long time.. He did the right thing. He probably wants to be friends again; to receive forgiveness and go back to the way it used to be between the two of you" Clare explained, I let out a deep breath and remained silent for a moment..

"Send him in" I stated, Clare smirked and placed her hand on my hand -

"Every thing will turn out okay" She told me "I promise" With that, she got up and exited the room. I rolled my eyes at the very thought of talking to KC. Sure, he had done a right thing, but I've been so angry at him for so long, that I wasn't sure if I was ready to put the past behind us. You can't blame me though; KC is the guy who told every one my secret - he single-handedly ruined my entire life..

And he hasn't showed remorse, until now. I don't understand how he was capable of doing all those cruel and inhuman things to me - only to help me out in the end. I heard the door open slowly, like the person who had opened it was too scared to enter the room. I wasn't able to turn my head, because I was in such pain - so I had no idea who had entered. I figured it was KC though..

And I was right. KC sat down in the chair that was next to the bed. Lucky for me, the chair was placed in a spot, where I was able to look directly at him - with out being forced to move my head and experience the undeniable pain that it would put me in. KC stared me directly in the eyes and we both sat there in silence.

I personally believe that we were both scared. I wasn't sure how to handle the situation or how to reply to KC's sudden kindness. I was confused, for the most part. As I said before, I wasn't sure if I was honestly ready to forgive the monster who had ruined my life and pretty much changed my name from - Eli, to _'Murderer's Child'_.

"They got you good" He informed me, as he seemed to be surprised to how bad I was beaten by Fitz and his barbaric friends.

"How bad is it?" I asked, I hadn't seen myself yet - so I wasn't able to see how bad of damage the morons left. I wasn't sure that I wanted to see it though. I almost feel like I was more broken now, then ever before.. If that was even possible.

"You have bruised ribs. Also, you have a bruise on your cheek, a black eye, a cut lip and a bruise on the side of your forehead" Fuck, how strong is Fitz?

"So my entire face is a bruise?"

"Pretty much" KC and I both managed to laugh, it was the first time in a long time that we had actually laughed together. The laughing soon died down, and we both just sat there silently for a few moments; "I don't know why Fitz is so caught up on proving his manliness by jumping you with two other guys"

"It doesn't seem to make sense to me either" I replied "If he wanted to show how strong he was, he shouldn't have included his two friends" It was true. Fitz jumped me and expects for people to look at him as if he is this big strong guy, who every one should fear. All in all - he was too scared to come on his own and decided to bring two of his friends, which I personally find ridiculous.

"I completely agree" KC informed me, "Listen.." He hesitated to continue, he broke our eye contact and looked down at his hands, which were placed on top of his lap "I am really.. really sorry" He told me, he looked back up and made eye contact with me "Before you came to Degrassi, you were my best friend - practically my only real friend. We were friends for the longest time and I was able to trust you with every thing, I felt like I could trust you with any secret. You told me every thing about.. Julia and your dad and every thing that was occurring with your family. You told me every last thing that happened to you and I promised to keep it a secret; no matter what"

"And you didn't keep it a secret" I interrupted him, having a feeling of betrayal come over me.

"I know, I didn't. And it was the meanest thing that I have ever done to some one.. I told every one at Degrassi, every thing about you, just so I could make you miserable.. And I don't understand why I would have taken such an amazing friendship and thrown it away for a girl that I had just met this year"

"Why'd you do it then, KC?" I asked him "Why did you throw away our friendship and ruin my life?"

"I was embarrassed" He admitted

"Of what?"

"Every one had heard us fighting in front of Degrassi, about you kissing Clare - _my girlfriend_. Rumors spread fast around Degrassi and soon, every one on the basketball team, on the football team, and in all of my classes were aware of the fact that my girlfriend had fallen in love with my best friend" He explained "I know, that the first time I confronted you, in front of Degrassi - I told you that I was going to tell every one about your life.. But I had just said that to scare you. I never actually planned on telling anyone.. But then I began getting made fun of - people kept referring to me as the guy who lost his girl to his best friend" KC let out a sigh and paused "I wanted people to make fun of you instead of me.. _Selfish KC, _huh?"

I nodded "You put me through a lot KC.. I'm laying here in this hospital bed, practically unable to move.. Because I got made fun of for being the _'Murderer's Child'_. I get tormented, day in and day out, because of my father's mistakes" I wanted KC to see what I had to go through - what he forced me to go through.

"I know" He murmured, he seemed like he was ashamed of himself and embarrassed of what he had done.. "I fucked up.. I fucked up real bad" Clearly..

"I know you did.. And I know that you know that you did" I told him

"I just want to go back in time and handle the situation more.. _maturely_. I would rather have you as a friend, then Fitz, to be completely honest" He told me. I smiled, and KC smiled once I did -

"Who would want Fitz as a friend, anyways?" KC chuckled, as did I.

KC hesitated to speak, but soon began to; "I miss the KC and Eli best friend thing that we had going for such a long time.. You were my best friend Eli.. And I'm sorry. I'm honestly sorry for every last thing that I put you through" His words felt real, like he wasn't lying "I'm sorry" He repeated

Silence took over the entire room and neither of us moved. We were avoiding eye contact. I wanted to speak but was scrambling for words to say. I wasn't sure if I was ready to be KC's friend again.. I wasn't sure if I was even capable of trusting him ever again.

"Alright" I muttered "We're best friends, man.. We always will be"

A smile formed on KC's face, and I couldn't help but also smile.

"I would hug you.. if it weren't for the bruised ribs and all of that" KC stated, I couldn't help but laugh and he smiled.

* * *

"Do my parents know?" I asked Clare, as the two of us approached KC's car, which KC was already inside of - waiting for us to arrive.

"They do" She admitted, I sighed and rolled my eyes "We had to tell them, Eli - we took you to the hospital" She attempted to make the situation sound more reasonable.

"I understand" I stated "I can't wait to get interrogated like a criminal once I get home"

"Oh, don't worry about Elijah - you're the victim, _for once_" Clare said, with a smile on

"First name usage - low blow, and aren't I always the victim?" I joked back,

"Nah, just this once" Clare joked, with a smile after - winking at me. I couldn't help but chuckle. Clare opened the backseat door and I slowly entered it, doing anything I could to not be in so much pain.. I don't think this pain is going to go away any time soon. Clare sat in the backseat with me. She rested her head on my shoulder, and we softly held hands - our grips on each others hands was gentle but calming, at the same time.

The car was in silence, with the exception of the soft playing acoustic song.

Clare took the pain away. My body felt like it was unrepairable and the pain was practically unbearable, but for some reason.. Just having Clare next to me, resting her head on my shoulder and holding my hand made it all feel just so much better. The thought of having this beautiful girl with me, made me feel like I was the luckiest guy in the world; even if my face and ribs were bruised so intensely.

We pulled up to my house and I let out a sigh. I was forced to face my parents who were most likely planning on interrogating me on why those guys would want to jump me and kick the living shit out of me. I really wish that my parents were unaware of what had happened to me, I feel like if I had just come home with a bunch of bruises on my face - they would've never even noticed.

Well.. Maybe they would have.

I opened the car door and slowly stepped out - Clare also exited the car. I wasn't too sure about why Clare had gotten out of the car, but I didn't argue with it. Spending more time with her was like a blessing, not a curse - why deny her presence when she's the one offering it?

"Thanks KC, for everything" I said to him, with his driver's seat window rolled down. KC smiled and nodded,

"Any time, Goldsworthy" He smirked before driving off - leaving me and Clare to stand in the middle of the street; staring down at my house as if it was a torture chamber.

"I really don't want to face my parents"

"You're going to have to do it some time"

"How about in ten years?"

"How about now?"

"No.. I'm good" I said, with a smile, Clare playfully rolled her eyes and smiled back, "Why didn't you get a ride home from KC?"

"I was in the mood for a walk" She admitted "And that car ride would have been so incredibly awkward"

"Want me to walk you?" I asked, I didn't want her to have to be all alone

"No" She answered "I'm good"

I nodded and understood her choice, I kissed her forehead

"See you later, Clare" Clare smiled and walked away, with out responding. I stood there for a moment, watching her walk off alone. I let out a deep breath and focused my attention back on my house. I anticipated a lot of concern and questions from my parents. I wasn't in the mood to deal with them at this point - I had a headache that practically killed me. My mother's long lectures and Jack's concerned side comments did not sound too interesting, as of right now.

I knew that I had to face it sooner or later, so I began slowly approaching my house. Each step I took got me closer and closer to the front door - I didn't want to be any closer then I already was. I just wanted to sleep outside and never even see my parents again - well at least until the bruises and cuts heal.

I slowly opened the front door, attempting to be as quiet as I possibly could. I practically tip toed my way to the stairs, I slowly walked up them, only to hear a female voice call out my name. I was only on the third step and I knew that I couldn't take off up the stairs now. My mother knew I was home and I had to face my parents sooner or later.

I knew that they were going to make a bigger deal about the bruises and cuts that are on my body. I haven't even seen what I look like yet, I never got the chance to look in a mirror - as pathetic as that sounds. I sighed as I entered the kitchen to see both of my parents sitting at the dining room table. Once my mother saw me, she shot up from her seat, placed her hand on her chest and her jaw dropped; she looked like she was in shock. Was it really all that bad?

"Elijah Goldsworthy, what happened to you?" She asked me, with much concern in her voice,

"I fought" Actually, I got jumped; but was I really supposed to worry my mom even more then she was already? Overly-protective mom was on level 10 already, I'd rather not go any higher..

"Why in the world would you fight?" She said, sounding disappointed.

"It's the kid who is laughing, pranking and teasing me about Julia! He thinks it's so funny that my girlfriend was killed by my drunk father. He decorates my locker with signs that say '_Murderer's Child_', I eat lunch in the hall now because of him.. I fought him because he taped a picture of me and Julia to my locker" I explained to my mother. In order for me not to get punished; I had to tell her every thing..

"Elijah, why didn't you tell us before?"

"I can handle it"

"It doesn't look like you can!" My mother paced back and forth in the kitchen, with her hand attached to her forehead "We have to do some thing about this Jack" She stopped walking and put both her hands on her hips.

"Mom, stop" I begged

"No Eli! This has gone way too far" My mother argued with me.

"I'm not in first grade any more, mom! I can fight my own battles, stay out of it" I reminded her. I didn't want my parents involved in this, that would only make me look like a bigger idiot - and I'd be an even bigger target then I ever was before.

"Eli, you were in the hospital today! Do you really think that you're safe, or that you're able to protect yourself? If you do, you're out of your mind!" My mom wanted me to see her side of it; to understand why she was so concerned and why I should be too. But I refuse to get all worked up out of one thing. I hit Fitz, he hit me harder, now it's my time for me hit him even harder then before.

"Mom, the more you get involved; the worse you're going to make it for me!" I argued. I know that she was semi-right - Degrassi was incredibly unsafe and the fact that I got the fuck beaten out of me, during school hours, was pretty fucked up. But no matter what; I wasn't going to change my mind. As much as my mother disagreed - I could fight this battle on my own.. I don't need mom's help.

"Eli! I'm scared for you. How am I supposed to be okay with myself, when I send you off to that school, without knowing if you're going to return with a bruised face or broken bones?"

"I don't fucking know, mom!" I was getting so pissed off. "Just stop! Please stop.." I begged her "I just want you to give me another chance at Degrassi. I won't fight, I won't do any of that shit. I'll be fine on my own, I have friends there mom. KC, Adam, and Clare are all my good friends.. It's not like I'm alone"

"KC?" My mother yelled, "You're friends with _KC_?"

"Yes mom, I am! He's the one who drove me to the hospital and then apologized to me!"

"Are you kidding, Eli? He ruined your life!"

"And right now, you're trying to ruin mine; but I won't let you" Without allowing my mother to reply, I ran up the stairs and slammed my bedroom door shut, locking it after. I let out deep breaths, as I paced back and forth in my room. I wanted to calm my anger down, as soon as I could..

* * *

-Clare's POV-

I walked down the street, with my hands buried in my jacket pockets. Although, I had told Eli that I was walking home; I had lied. I was in search for a different destination. It wasn't that I didn't want Eli to know; I just didn't think that he actually needed to know. I was inspired today, to give forgiveness. I wanted to forgive some one who was in need of forgiveness.

I stopped in front of the Bhandari home. I let out a deep breath, as I scanned her entire house. I guess that I was just in search of an excuse to leave. I hadn't spoken to Alli ever since she told Drew about me and Eli. I ignored every last one of her text messages and phone calls; I didn't want to communicate with her, because of what she had done.

People make mistakes, and I guess that I had forgotten that during all of this time. Alli was my best friend, just like KC was Eli's best friend. KC made an even bigger mistake then Alli did, but Eli still forgave KC.. That's why I realized that forgiving Alli was the best option I had. I needed friends other then just Eli. I couldn't focus my entire life on one relationship, I needed to have other friends also.

I built up the courage to walk up the stairs, leading to the door. I stood there - hesitating to knock on the door. I was so nervous, as weird as it sounded. I was scared that Alli was mad that I ignored her and stopped being friends with her. I counted to three in my head, before knocking on the door. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest, as I waited for some one to answer the door.

Suddenly, the door opened to reveal Alli Bhandari standing there. She looked like she was in shock, as if she never would have expected to see me standing there. She walked outside and shut the door behind her,

"Hey" She awkwardly greeted me "Why are you here?" She asked, like she honestly had no idea.

"I, uhm" I paused, and we both stood ther silently "I just wanted to talk to you.. Like old times"

"I thought you hated me" She stated, her eyes looked as if they were filled with hope, like she wanted me to forgive her and have things go right back to normal.

"I don't, Alli.. I never could" I said, Alli smiled

"How's Eli? I heard about him getting jumped"

"His face his pretty bruised, as are his ribs - but he's okay" I answered; Alli nodded and we broke eye contact, "Alli. Listen, I'm so sorry for ignoring you and pretending as if I didn't know you.. You made a mistake, and every one makes mistakes.. I shouldn't have been so harsh on you"

"No Clare, I ruined Eli's life and KC and your relationship.. I messed up pretty bad. If anyone should be sorry, it should be me" I immediately smiled and Alli and me hugged extremely tightly.

"I missed you so much"

"I missed you too" I responded "I wanted my best friend back so bad"

"You got her back" Alli said, causing us both to giggle.

Thank God, I finally have my best friend back.


	21. Chapter 20

**Natsuki Sato** - There will be drama in the near future, the _very_ near future :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means the entire world to me, it also means so much to this story. I truly appreciate it more then anything in the entire world (:  
**Zephyr Hearts** - "Breathe Me" is honestly a truly AMAZING song. I love it so much - I always listen to it. It seriously means the entire world to me that you like my story so much; like you honestly have no idea how much it means to me. and LMAO, ohh my. I'll definitely have to update soon - I don't want you to be on my bed, in the middle of the night, eating an apple, and poking me until I update :P I try so hard to fix my grammar, but I never can /: I'll try even harder though! (: Oooh, I'll listen to this song once I'm done with this chapter (: Thanks for the song suggestion! Also, thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story - it honestly means the entire world to me and to this story. I also appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**Elinfatuated** - "Breathe Me" is absolutely amazing. I love it sooo much! (: And no worries - you can go off topic when ever you'd like in your reviews; I actually find it pretty interesting to read some random off-topic comments (: And better late than never - at least Jenna won't have to give birth alone or raise the baby on her own - I'm actually pretty proud of KC for realizing how stupid he was being. I apologize about Adam not being involved as much. The Misfits is the GREATEST friendship ever - Eli, Clare and Adam have the greatest friendship in the show. I would like to involve Adam more; I just never think about it, you know? I'll try to remember to involve him more then I usually do. Sorry for the long wait for the new chapter; I'm going to try to post again either later today or tomorrow! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means the entire world to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**RachRox12** - Yes, they are all friends again (: And I'm glad that you liked the chapter! (: Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing this story. It truly means sooo much to me and I appreciate it more then anything in the entire world. (:  
**Clareandeliforever** - Sorry that this update wasn't as quick. /: I'm glad that you liked it though, (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the entire world to me, and to this story. I also appreciate it more then anything in the whole world. (:  
**Eclare4ever123 **- Awwwh, I'm glad that you like it and I'm sorry that I didn't update all that quick. I'll try to update quicker for now on (: Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means so much to me and it means so much to this story. I also appreciate it so much! (:  
**TVIsMyDrug4 **- Hahahaha! _'give them all a coke and open some happiness in the story'_ - good idea :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It honestly means the entire world to me and I appreciate it more then anything possible! (:  
**eclarelover4life** - It is the middle, I suppose. Haha. I'm not too sure exactly when this story is going to end. Anyways - thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means more then anything to me, and I appreciate it sooo much! (:  
**Swanstream** - Awwh, (: I'm glad that you loved it and liked that Eli and KC had made up. (: Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means the world to me, and to this story. I also appreciate it more then anything (:  
**DegrassiFFLover12** - Hahaha, Happiness :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It honestly means the entire world to me and I appreciate it more then anything in the world (:  
**we-will-not-fall-down** - Awwh! (: I'm so happy that you love it so much, it means the world to me (: Although, you should probably get to studying for all those tests :P haha, I hope that you did good on them! :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means so much to me and to this story; I also appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**No-Name** - Hahahaha! 'Reunited and it feels so good' -Good song :P You'll see what's going to happen in this chapter! (: If Eli and Clare break up in the real show; I will honestly cry. Haha. They are the greatest couple EVER, and they can not break up! I am SOOO happy that Degrassi came back on; I was dying with out it. And I'm soooo happy that you enjoy my writing (: It means so much to me. Also, thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing this story; it truly means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**KMPC** - Hahaha, you'll have to keep on reading to find out if forgiving KC was a good or bad idea. (: Eli's mom isn't as mean as Drew/Adam's mom though. Eli's mom just really doesn't want him to get hurt and she isn't going to be mean to Mr. Simpson, or anything like that. She's just trying to show Eli that this bullying thing is getting out of hand. Ya know? Haha. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it seriously means the entire world to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:  
**Hey it's me Megan D** - Hahah, awwwwh, I'm glad that you love it (: Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing this story; it honestly means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything in the entire world. (:  
**TheMsdegrassi** - I'll try to check out your story; next time you review - would you be able to put a link in your review? So that I'm able to go straight to your story, with out getting like lost on the website. Haha, I tend to be bad with unfamiliar websites :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it means the entire world to me and I appreciate it more then anything. (:

**Song Suggestion** - "Werewolf" by CocoRosie  
This song is kind of weird; but I'm absolutely  
obsessed with it. (: It's one of my new favorites (:

Chapter Twenty  
"Part One: Look Back With No Remorse"

I opened my window at exactly midnight, slowly exiting my house, as quiet as possible. My parents were paranoid about this entire situation, so I had to be very protective of the way that I was sneaking out. I slowly took my time, to climb out of my window - using my usual route to get down to the ground.

I reached the ground and let out a deep breath. From previous events, I've learned that I can't walk past the front room window, especially since my parents are currently in the front room. I tip toed to the backyard, and jumped the fence. I walked down my alley, with my hands in my pockets. I let out a deep breath, and was thankful for not getting caught by my parents.. _Yet._

As I walked, I couldn't help but smile to myself. I had KC as a friend again and Clare as a girlfriend. Maybe my life wasn't as horrible and miserable as I had previously thought. Maybe my life was turning around, for the better. Sure, I got jumped today - but besides that, every thing seems to be working out. I just needed to face Fitz and his gang of assholes.

As I've said before; I hit him, he hit me, now it's time for me to hit him even harder. This war wasn't over - it wasn't going to be over, until his face was covered in dirt and he begged for my forgiveness. I know that the best thing to do would be to just call the whole thing off, and ignore Fitz' presence - but he wasn't going to ignore me. He was going to taunt and tease me as much as he possibly could.. I might as well do the same.

I approached the Edward's home, and immediately took my cellphone out from my pocket. I dialed Clare's number and put the phone to my ear. Ring after ring; I awaited to hear Clare's voice. Suddenly, an exhausted and raspy voice came through the speakers

"Eli, it's midnight" Thanks for the update..

"Your point is?" I joked,

"My point is - it's_ twelve _at _night_" She snapped back "Why are you calling me?"

"I'm outside, open your front door" I demanded,

"Not a chance" She responded, sounding like she was going to fall asleep.

"I'll just ring the doorbell then"

"You wouldn't"

"Test me"

Clare let out a long deep breath, filled with much anger - she was clearly tired. I found it amusing though, how angry she got that I woke her up at midnight. Saint Clare would be sleeping at this hour; I always text or call her at this time, so why is she acting like me showing up at her house is so unexpected?

"Be there in a minute" She hung up right after saying this, and I couldn't help but softly laugh. I had convinced her to let me in. Did she honestly believe that I was going to ring her doorbell? Naive Saint Clare.

The door swung open to reveal Clare standing there. Her curly hair was all messy, her eyes were practically closed, and she was wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt. She looked like she wanted to fight me; every one is so in to violence these days..

I rose my eyebrows and smiled at her; "Some one looks wide awake" I sarcastically commented,

"Get in" She demanded, ignoring my comment, and giving me room to enter her home. I quietly entered and tip toed up the stairs. Clare followed me and the two of us entered her room, slowly and quietly closing the door after.

"You tend to come over at late night hours; when you're not supposed to. Care to explain, Goldsworthy?" Clare asked. She was right. It seemed like I only made an effort to see her when I wasn't allowed to be out. I think I liked the 'dangerous' feeling of sneaking in to her house, knowing that her mom would lose her mind at the sight of a boy in her daughter's room late at night. Clare sat down next to me on her bed,

"Seeing you during the day, when we're allowed to be together.. Just isn't as.. _fun_" I joked with her; Clare immediately rolled her eyes and playfully hit my arm, "Ouch. You don't remember me getting jumped today? Show some respect" I joked once again

"I'm sorry" She apologized with a smile, "I didn't notice the millions of bruises covering your face" She added "Maybe I should get my eyes checked"

"No, don't" I began "You have pretty eyes" Clare smiled and her cheeks turned a bright pink color, as she began to bite her bottom lip. I couldn't help but allow one side of my mouth to curve in to a smile, as the other stayed straight.

"You're a compulsive liar, Mr. Goldsworthy"

"And you're right" I joked, Clare rolled her eyes and we kissed. I rested my forehead against hers,"Want to go to the dance next week with me?" I asked.

"The Degrassi dance?"_ Obviously.._

"Yes"

"I figured that you didn't want to go because you thought that people were going to 'try to fight you'"

"I think I'll be safe from fighting for a little while, at least after today" I responded "Johnny and KC are both going; I trust them enough to have my back"

"You trust KC with having your back?"

"Yes mam"

"You _inspire_ me"

"I know I do" I said with a smile, "As for this dance situation.. I'd be willing to fight a few guys there, if you're willing to come with me"

"Maybe you should lay off the violence" She said, with a smile, "But seriously.. I'd love to go with you" I smiled and we kissed once more.

"Good" I murmured,

Who would have thought that such a terribly painful day, could end up to be such a good one..

* * *

The minute my eyes opened, was the same exact same moment that I felt the unbearable pain feeling ten times worse then the night before. I layed there in bed, not even capable of getting up. I let out numerous deep breaths, as I felt the pain travel through out each of my veins. I gulped, as I finally sat up, and just sat there - taking one step at a time.

My ribs felt like they had been beaten for hours. I felt nauseous and tired. I wanted to lay in bed for the rest of my life; well at least until the pain wasn't as horrible. I took a deep breath before standing up, and my eyes squinted in pain. I practically limped to the bathroom and stared myself in the mirror. The bruises were much darker now then yesterday - it looked just as bad as it felt.

I ran my fingers across all of the bruises; softly caressing the soft black, blue, and purple skin. I sighed, I then proceeded to brush my teeth and change my clothes. I walked downstairs; my parents weren't home. I searched the entire downstairs and even went upstairs to look around - they obviously had gone out last night and didn't come home.

I was kind of getting used to having them always home. I guess I understand that they want to have fun too.. I just liked having them home with me, instead of out getting drunk with strangers. On the other hand, you only live life once.. You might as well get the best out of it.

I grabbed my backpack and slowly exited my house; not in any rush to get to Degrassi. Let's face it - Teachers are going to ask why my face had been bruised - people were going to be spreading rumors and wondering who beat me and why I was beaten. I'm used to having bad rumors flying around about me; I guess that I just make sure that I don't care too much about it. You can't stop rumors - so why even try to fight them?

Anyways; I'm going to get Fitz back. I don't care how long it takes or how hard it's going to be; I'm going to find a way to make Fitz wish he had never taunted, laughed, hit, or made fun of me. I am not going to be the victim.. I can't be the victim again in my life. I just need to take control of the situation and teach Fitz a lesson.. One that he'll never forget.

I pulled up to Degrassi, parking Morty in the same spot that I parked him in every single day. I let out a deep breath, as I exited Morty and made my way towards Degrassi. I felt all eyes on me, as people gasped at the sight of my bruised face. I felt like a monster or some thing.. Well I probably look like one with all these bruises on my face.

I walked with my head down - attempting to ignore all the eyes that seemed to be put upon me. Apparently, people at Degrassi were very interested in a kid who was covered in bruises. I wasn't bothered by it though- more like annoyed. I disliked the fact that they all stared me down, as if I wasn't capable of seeing them.

I finally reached my locker and unlocked it. I stared in to my messy locker, and let out a deep breath. I stuck my backpack in my locker and grabbed some books. I closed my locker, and suddenly heard a loud thud. I looked to my right to see Johnny slamming Fitz in to a locker, he was holding Fitz by his collar - looking as if he wanted to kill him.

I walked a little closer;

"Stop talking shit - and don't ever touch Eli ever again" Johnny threatened him, Fitz actually looked scared - he looked like he didn't know what to do next. Obviously, Johnny would beat Fitz in a fight - I think that Fitz also knew that, which made him just take the threats that Johnny was saying to him.

Fitz didn't respond, he just stood there - like a deer in the headlights. Johnny let Fitz go, and pushed him away from him. Fitz kept walking - no sarcastic/rude comment, no dirty look, nothing - just complete silence as he walked away. Maybe Fitz was scared of Johnny..

Johnny turned and saw me for the first time.

"Hey" He awkwardly greeted me, most likely feeling awkward about me witnessing his threats about me to Fitz.

"Who told you about me getting jumped?" I asked out of curiosity. How fast did rumors spread around Degrassi?

"Fitz was bragging about it online - acting like some big tough guy" He informed me "I hate people who think that they're so tough, when they're not. I wanted to put Fitz back in his place," No need to explain; you slamming Fitz in to lockers and threatening him is fine with me..

"Fitz is stupid"

"He really did a number on you" He stated, looking at the bruises covering my face.

"Yeah, hurts like hell"

"Looks like it does" Johnny responded "No worries.. We'll put Fitz back where he belongs"

"I was planning on it" I said with a smirk, Johnny smiled

"Lemme' know if you need any help with that plan of yours" He said before walking away.

I couldn't help but smile. Fitz was scared out of his mind of Johnny. I would be too though - Johnny's a senior, and he can _definitely_ fight. Maybe the bullying would finally stop; maybe I could scare Fitz more then he ever scared me. Fitz and I were in war - and I had plans to win it. I was going to do anything I possibly could to hurt Fitz. I wasn't going to feel guilty either - I was done feeling bad for those who step on me.

* * *

English Class; favorite period, like always.

I sat there in my desk, tapping my pen on my desk continuously. I was almost incapable of paying attention. Ms. Dawes' words went in one ear and out the other - as if she was speaking another language that she only understood.

"Class, listen up, we have a very important assignment" Those words suddenly caught my attention, I looked up and watched Ms. Dawes as she continued - "It's a creative writing assignment, due next Monday" She informed us "I want you to write a paper about some thing in your life that you are unsatisfied with, it can be specific or just a general issue. Some examples are friends, family, school - some thing of that sort"

I let out a deep breath. I hated expressing my feelings about personal things on paper. Sure, Ms. Dawes was going to be the only one to read it - but I hated the thought of having to point out all the bad things on paper. I hadn't payed attention all class, so I wasn't very sure why she had assigned us this project.. All I knew was - I wasn't excited about it.

The bell rang and most of the class jumped straight out of their seats - eager to get out of there. Clare, me, and Adam all took our time gathering our books.

"What happened to your face?" Adam asked, I laughed

"Thanks for the compliment" I joked, "I got jumped"

"By who?" Adam asked

"Fitz and his group of barbarians" I answered "It began with a cheap-shot, and from there on - it was just three on one, I obviously didn't have a chance" I explained

"Many rumors going around about what happened" Adam told me,

"Like what?"

"Some people said it was Fitz - some said it was Johnny, because of you and Julia - Some say it was a group of kids who hated you for what happened in your past - and some say it was your dad" He told me. I rolled my eyes and let out a deep breath.

"Of course they're all saying that. I'm surprised that Fitz hasn't gone around bragging about what he did - he did on the Internet though"

"Well, most people think that Fitz is lying so that his tough reputation could be boosted up, even higher then before"

"_Surprise surprise_ - Fitz isn't lying" I said, very annoyed.

"Who cares about the rumors though, man - people will get over it, new drama always seems to occur in this school" Adam told me,

"Adam's right. People focus their entire life on one problem dealing with one specific person - and then another secret from a completely different person comes out, and every one turns their attention to that person. It's an on-going cycle. People will stop obsessing over your life in a month or less" Clare stated,

"I can only hope"

The three of us stood up and exited the English room,

"I'm going to go to my locker and grab my lunch. Meet you by your locker?" Clare asked,

"No" I quickly responded "I'm going home to eat lunch with my parents - they asked me to" Lies.

Clare nodded; "Alright. See you after school" She said, I smiled and nodded. With that, Clare was off to her locker

"I have a feeling that you were lying"

"You have good instincts, Adam"

"Why lie?" Adam question. I shrugged - I've said many times before; that I feel like I can trust Adam,

"I have big plans for lunch - ones that Clare wouldn't approve of" I answered "I'd rather not cause drama with the most important person to me" I added. It was true; I'd much rather keep my secret _'evil'_ plans to myself, so that I can avoid any arguments with Clare.

"Can I attend these _'big plans'_?" Adam asked. I actually wanted some one to do my evil scheme with me; that way I would have some one to encourage me to continue on with what I was planning. I wanted an accomplice, to be exact.

"Yes you can" I stated; Adam smiled, and rose his eyebrows

"What are these evil plans?"

"Nothing big - just some thing that will get Fitz' attention"

* * *

Adam and I exited Degrassi school. We were allowed to go wherever we wanted for lunch - which gave us the ability to roam around where ever we wished. We wandered around the parking lot; in search for a specific car - a car that meant _oh-so-much_ to precious Fitzy. I layed my eyes on Fitz's midnight-blue car. I smiled to myself, as I stared at it

"There is Fitz's most prized possession" I stated; pointing to the blue car. Adam's eyes wandered to find to where I was pointing to, and once he saw it he let out a deep breath

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea" He began, I squinted my eyes and gave him a confused look - silently asking him to continue; "As of right now, Fitz is scared of you - because of Johnny. The war is practically over; why attempt to continue it, by playing a stupid prank, that is only going to make things even worse then before?" Saint Clare has been replaced - now, it's Saint Adam..

"Yeah, Fitz is scared - and the only way to handle a bully, is to _keep_ him scared. Sure, Johnny scared him today - but what if Fitz isn't scared tomorrow?" I attempted to prove a valid point, which I think I succeeded in "I want Fitz to feel the pain that he has caused me these past months. It's time for him to be the one who's scared to come to school"

"Dude, you really shouldn't do this. So what if he jumped you - Johnny got in his face and stuck up for you.. Right now - you're the winner, why continue a battle that you've already won?" Adam was trying to talk me out of my plan, but I refused to give in. I had my mind set on one thing.. Destroying Fitz's car

"If you're not going to be on my side - then why are you here?" I asked, annoyed to the fact that Adam had suddenly turned against me

"I'm trying to be a good friend-" I interrupted,

"Then be on my side and help me out here"

Adam let out a deep breath and rolled his eyes, "I'm sorry.. I can't" Adam then walked away. I rolled my eyes and let out a deep breath. I wasn't going to allow Adam's comments to break down my plan. I still wanted to do what I was here to do - I was done wasting time..

I pulled my car keys out from my pocket and approached Fitz's car. I took one of my keys and placed it on the car - I put as much pressure on the key as possible, as I dragged the key across the side of the car. The key left a deep thin white line around the entire car. I continued to scratch the car with my keys - not feeling guilty or remorseful at all.

I went to the front of the car - and on his hood - I keyed the words "This means war" as big as possible. His entire car was covered in scratches. The paint was completely ruined. I stepped back to look at what I had done. I let out a small smile to myself.

As bad as this may be..

I couldn't help but feel proud.

* * *

**Things are going to get more intense now! (: **  
**Let the drama begin (:**


	22. Chapter 21

**Swanstream** - I'm really happy that you liked it (: And no, I don't have a twitter /: I check Munro's twitter daily though :P haha. But I'm planning on getting a twitter soon. (: Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing this story - it seriously means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything (:  
**TVIsMyDrug4** - Haha, Eli did bring this war on himself :P And I am really happy that you enjoyed the chapter; it means a lot (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means the whole world to me and to this story. I appreciate it more then anything in the world! (:  
**TheMsdegrassi** - I'll check the story out as soon as I can! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the entire world to me, it also means soo much to this story. I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**RachRox12** - I am happy that you liked it; and I updated as soon as I could (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It truly means sooo much to me and I appreciate it more then anything in the whole world! (:  
**we-will-not-fall-down **- Awwwh! I am sooo happy that you like it so much! (: I updated as soon as I could (: Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means the world to me and I honestly appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**PullMeIntoTheDark** - Hahaha, I know :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It really does mean the world to me and I appreciate it so much! (:  
**Natsuki Sato** - Eli really should listen to Adam. But I hope you're not mad that the war is continuing. I have the whole war planned out, so please trust me on this one (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means sooooo much to me and I appreciate it more then anything in the whole world. (:  
**clareandeliforever** - Hahahahaha. (: I'm glad that you understand both Adam and Eli's points (: Thank you so so so so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means sooo much to me and it means the world to this story; I appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**DegrassiFFLover12** - I am happy that you enjoyed the chapter - and I agree, Eli shouldn't of snapped at Adam, just because Adam was trying to help him. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It really does mean the world to me and I appreciate it oh-so-much! (:  
**Zephyr Hearts** - Awwh, I'm glad that you thought that the chapter was amazing (: It honestly means so much to me, like I'm so happy that you like my writing (: And I am soo happy that you like my music choices (: I have a weird taste in music, MUCH different from all of my friends. I'm not too sure if Ellie will be showing up. Maybe in the near future, but I don't have anything in mind for her right now. And Lmao! On my bed, eating an apple and poking me till I update? Good thing I updated fast :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it means the world to me and I truly appreciate it more then anything! (:  
**Elinfatuated** - OH MY GOLDSWORTHY; I am sooo excited for that episode! Ahhh. That was intense - that scene looks good. I'm so excited to see what's going to happen. It seems like Fitz wants to apologize? I wonder if he does.. Anyways! (: I understand that you didn't like the song - it's a little weird, but for some reason; I'm obsessed with it :P hahah. I'm so happy that you like my writing; it means sooo much to me (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It truly means sooo much to me and I appreciate it more than anything in the whole world. (:  
**Eclare4ever123** - Awwwh, I'm glad that you loved the chapter and thought that it was awesome! (: I updated as quick as I could; I hope that you enjoy this chapter! (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means the world to me, and it also means so much to this story. I also appreciate it soo much! (:  
**E. K. Rico** - Hahaha, now Clare has a fellow 'Saint' to hang out with :P Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. It seriously means the world to me and to this story. I truly appreciate it more then anything! (:

Chapter Twenty One  
"Part Two: Look Back With No Remorse"

I stepped back from the car, overlooking all the_ artwork_ I had done. The entire car was practically covered in deep scratches. The paint was ruined. Every thing was ruined. And I loved it. You would think that wrecking some ones car wasn't all that big of a deal, as I was making it out to be - but I've heard stories of how much Fitz loved this car. This car was his prized possession.

I hit him where it was going to hurt; just like he hit me where it hurt. He brought up Julia and my father, so I wrecked his car - and trust me, that's not all I have planned. If Fitz attempts to get me back; I'll show him that I'm not the guy to mess with - at least not anymore.

I entered Degrassi, with the biggest smile across my face. I was more then proud of myself. Instead of being the victim, I was taking control. I may have a bruised face, but once this feud is over - Fitz will be more broken then I ever was. I approached my locker and grabbed my books, as the bell rang. I made my way towards my next class.

I felt like I was glowing as I walked down the hallway. I held my books tightly, with out a care in the world - as I happily stared forward, at the hall ahead of me. Once I was in my class room, I sat down in my seat and just sat there - staring forward, with a cheesy smile on my face. I felt mischievous - like an _uncontrollable rebel_.

* * *

The last period school bell rang, and I actually got butterflies. I was a bit nervous of how Fitz was going to respond to seeing his car the way it was. I began unlocking my locker when I heard a male voice speak next to me. I turned my head to the right to see Adam standing there,

"Did you do it?" He asked

"Do what?" I played dumb

"Key the car" He answered, ignoring the fact that I was just being a smart ass.

"What do you think?" I avoided answering, although he would soon find out..

"I think you did and it was stupid" Thanks for your opinion..

"Great to know" I sarcastically replied, as I grabbed my backpack out of my locker.

"Eli, give it a break. This scary guy image you're trying to create is just stupid - you're getting yourself in to unnecessary situations, where you're only going to get put down" I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I don't understand why Adam is so concerned about me continuing on with this rivalry with Fitz.

"Dude, I can handle myself" I snapped, annoyed

"That's exactly what I thought last year" He responded, I gave him all my attention, as I turned to face him - curious to what had happened "Last year, Fitz wanted to be on the football team. He tried out and dedicated every thing he had to making the team.. Then, he didn't make it - and that's when the bully Fitz came out. Before that, Fitz was pretty cool; he hung out with a bad crowd though, but he never would hurt anyone. Once he didn't make the team, he suddenly became so angry and mad at every one and every thing. For some reason, he picked me out of the crowd.. He bullied me so intensely - pushing me in to lockers, calling me names, laughing in my face, hitting me - just doing every thing he possibly could in order to make me feel like I was lower then him. No one knew that I was a transgender, until one day - Fitz was beating on me in the hall, and my shirt came a little unbuttoned at the top.. He saw the wrapping that I had around my chest - and he immediately knew" Adam explained "He told every one that I was and FTM"

"Then why aren't you on my side? I can make his life miserable, it'll be karma for telling every one both of our secrets"

"Eli, the point of the story is - Fitz doesn't have a heart. He doesn't care what you say, how bad you're hurting, even if you're begging for him to stop - he will do anything in his power to make your life a living Hell.. I learned the hard way.. You have to get out of this feud before it escalates and you end up just like I did"

"He already exposed my deep dark secret though" I responded "There's nothing more that he could do to hurt me in any possible way"

"Eli, are you even listening right now?" Adam snapped "Fitz will find some thing else out about you - he'll do some thing else to hurt you. Just trust me, please, you have to end this war you have going on before it's too late"

"I already scratched the living hell out of his car.. There's no turning back now" I stated; closing my locker and walking off. I walked out of the front doors and stood at the bottom of the stairs. I looked at a huge group of people surrounding Fitz's car. I didn't see Fitz though; all I saw was a group of people looking as if they were in complete shock over the damage on Fitz's car.

Suddenly, Fitz came walking out of the Degrassi doors. He stopped right in front of me and laughed in my face - like he was teasing me or some thing.. Wait till he sees his car..

"Later emo boy" He stated, before walking away. He seemed to slow down once he noticed that so many people were surrounding his car. His walking suddenly sped up, as he pushed through the crowd to see what had happened to his car. I smiled to myself, as I saw Fitz run his hands roughly through his hair - as if he was in shock.

A devilish smile went across my face, as Fitz turned around to face me. Almost thirty kids stood there, completely frozen - waiting to see what Fitz would do next. Fitz came stomping towards me, his fist were clenched and his face was pure red. He looked like he wanted to commit murder on me - I wouldn't be surprised if he did. I didn't move, I just stood there, with a smile on my face.

The crowd was spread out around the front of Degrassi, watching Fitz finally reach me. Every one knew that some thing was going to happen, they just didn't know what. I didn't know what was going to happen either; but for once, I didn't care.

"What the fuck did you do?" He screamed at the top of his lungs, I shrugged

"I have no idea what you're speaking about Fitzy; care to give more details?" I messed with him - wanting him to get even more angry then before. I had finally learned how to push Fitz's buttons and get him more annoyed and angry then usual,

"I'm not fucking messing around anymore!" He snapped, I squinted my eyes -

"_Relax_" I commented "How do you know that I committed that horrifying crime?" I was being a smart ass - but I didn't mind. It was quite amusing to me.

"I'm not fucking around anymore Eli!" He yelled

"I don't pity you Fitz!" I became serious "You're the one who fucking taped a picture of me and my dead girlfriend on my locker!"

"At least I didn't damage your car"

"You ruined my life"

"Get over it" Fitz snapped

"You made my life a living hell, I'm not going to feel sorry for you, Fitz. You're an asshole who had this coming to him" I stated, "I taught you a lesson"

"Oh,_ did you really_? Lucky for you, I'm a slow learner" After saying this, he stormed away - entering his car and speeding off. I smiled to myself, standing there, very satisfied. I had pushed Fitz's buttons and was in his head. I was finally in the right place. I turned around to see Clare approaching me.

"Wow" She seemed surprised to see such an outrageous fight "That was intense"

I nodded, "Don't be mad"

"Eli.. You're digging the hole deeper for yourself"

"I don't care how far down I am - the only way to get back up is to prove to Fitz that I'm not a some random emo boy that he could mess with. I can stand on my own two feet and win this war" I was attempting to show Clare my side of it all. I was sick of being the victim.

"Eli, come on" She pleaded "Please stop this whole thing.. It scares me" I placed my hands on her shoulders, and looked her directly in the eyes

"Clare, please.. I can handle this" I promised her "I won't let you down, I won't let you get hurt. I swear that I'll leave you out of this"

"Eli, I'm not scared of me getting hurt - I'm scared that you're really going to get hurt"

"I won't"

"You did yesterday - what makes you think that you're so immune to getting hurt again?"

"I have Johnny, Johnny's friends and KC all on my side"

"It doesn't matter Eli, they're not always going to be there to have your back. What if Fitz and his friends jump you again, then what?"

"I defend myself"

"And that worked out so well last time" She sarcastically replied.

"Clare" I spoke her name calmly "I love you; please just put your trust in me"

She let out a deep breath; "If you get hurt Eli, I will be so mad at you"

"I won't" I replied, Clare then hugged me and I hugged her as tight as possible. Thankfully she wasn't mad at me - like I had previously anticipated. Without saying anything else; we both approached Morty - she got in the passenger's seat and I got in the driver's seat. I began driving.

* * *

We sat in the _famous_ abandoned field. We sat in our usual spots, just staring at each other - lost in each others eyes. Her eyes were the color of the ocean waves that violently crashed against one another - so beautiful, so peaceful, so.. perfect.

"If you could be anywhere in the world right now.. Where would you want to be?" I asked Clare, out of pure curiosity.

"Africa" She answered

"Why is that?"

"I miss my sister" Clare answered honestly, "I can't wait till the day that she decides to come back. Whenever she says she's going to, she sends us a letter saying that she is going to stay just a little bit longer.. I just want her to come back home" She explained, I nodded, "If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you want to be?" She re-asked my question.

"Right here" Clare smiled and moved closer to me. She sat down right next to me, and I wrapped my arm around her, she rested the back of her head on my chest. We just sat there, me holding on to her as she rested on me. It felt right, it felt perfect, it felt like it couldn't get any better.

I don't think it could ever get any better then this.

* * *

Clare and I walked, hand-in-hand, down side streets that were leading up to her house. We had gone to my house for a few hours, and I decided to walk her home. We were walking extremely slow; as if we both wanted to make the moment last that much longer. Our hands were tightly grasped on to one anothers.

"You scared for tomorrow?" Clare asked, I squinted my eyes in confusement,

"What's there to be scared about?"

"The drama"

"I'm not scared" I stated with confidence; Fitz doesn't give me a reason to be scared.

"You're a badass, Elijah Goldsworthy" Clare joked,

"At least you know the truth" I joked back. Clare softly giggled and I smiled, softly kissing her temple. We continued to walk and were soon standing in front of the Edward's home. I had hoped that the walk would have taken longer then it did. I didn't want to say goodbye, but I knew that we had to.

"Here's the end of our trip" Clare stated,

"Thankfully" I messed with her; Clare laughed and rolled her eyes - playfully pushing my chest, "Very violent there, Ms. Edwards"

"What can I say? I'm a violent person" I laughed, and hugged Clare. I held her tightly, not wanting to let go or say goodbye to her. The feeling of having her wrapped in my arms was amazing. I kissed the top of her head, as we continued to hug. We pulled apart, but our arms remained wrapped around one another.

"Text me later" Clare said, I nodded and gave her my '_half-mouth'_ smile.

"I will" I responded. We quickly kissed before we let go of one another. Clare walked away, and I just stood there - watching her walk to her house. Once she reached the door, she stopped walking and looked back at me. She smiled at me once more, before entering her house and shutting the door.

I let out a deep breath and a smile followed. I stood there for a few more moments, before beginning to walk back home.

My days and nights consisted of hanging out with Clare and spending all the free time I possibly had with her. I loved it, to be honest. Being with Clare was like being with the greatest person in the world. She was the funnest person to be around - whenever she was with me, all I could think about is kissing her and making sure that she knew how much I liked her.

She's perfect in every way possible - I can't pick out any flaws in her. She's beautiful, funny, adorable, nice, sincere, caring, forgiving, loyal and perfect. I couldn't ask for any one better - no one will ever be able to compare to Clare.. If I hadn't met her, I don't know where I would be right now.

Meeting Clare was the greatest thing to ever happen to me. After Julia died, I always wished that I would find a girl that could replace the pain with happiness. I wanted to find a girl who would give meaning to life. Clare's that girl - she has managed to make me the happiest I've been in the longest time.

Clare makes me want to wake up every morning and deal with the bullshit that people throw at me. If it wasn't for Clare - I would slowly be breaking down, little by little, until there was nothing left to break. Clare saved me from the path that I was going on.. And I'm thankful for that.

* * *

I parked Morty in front of the DiMarco's home. I hadn't come here since after the funeral. I hated being here. Every thing reminded me of Julia, and times that I shared with Julia. I knew that I had to face this sooner of later. I let out a deep breath and built up the courage and energy to open the car door and exit.

I approached the house. Staring at the front door as if it was bursting in to red hot uncontrollable flames. I gulped, as I finally stood there - inches away from the door. I didn't know what to do next. Should I knock? Should I just leave? I was already here.. I wouldn't get the point of coming here, if I was just going to be too scared to even enter the house.

I lifted up my fist and hesitated to knock. After a few seconds of hesitation - I finally decided to knock on the door. I knocked three times, before stopping. I stood there, feeling my entire body go numb, as I suddenly saw the door open to reveal Mrs. DiMarco. Her face lit up at the sight of me, as she suddenly smiled.

"Eli! How are you?" She asked, seeming as if she was in a very pleasant mood. I smiled,

"I'm great. How are you?"

"I'm wonderful; come in, please" She stated, moving to the side - allowing me room to enter her home. I walked in and my eyes scanned the house. It was so cozy and comfortable. She walked in to the front room, I took the hint to follow her. "Have a seat on the couch" She said with a smile, "Let me just go get my husband"

She exited the room, in search for Mr. DiMarco. While she was gone, I looked over at the fireplace. On top of the fireplace were about five picture frames. There were two pictures of Julia alone - one from school and the other one was the same one that I had in my room. The other three pictures were of - Johnny and Julia, and Julia and her parents. I froze when my eyes landed on the one at the end. The picture was of me and Julia.

I felt almost honored that her parents would put up a picture of me and Julia up on the fireplace. I smiled to myself as I remembered the day that we took that picture. My thoughts were suddenly interrupted to the noise of Julia's parents entering the room.

"Eli, how you doing?" The dad asked, in an excited tone, with a smile on his face. I stood up, also smiling. He gave me a quick hug, before sitting down on a chair. Mrs. DiMarco sat down on the chair across from Mr. DiMarco, while I sat on the couch in the middle,

"It's so nice to see you - what have you been up to lately?" Mrs. DiMarco asked,

"I just transferred to Degrassi actually, I've talked to Johnny quite a few times" I answered,

"Johnny told us about the kids at school." Mr. DiMarco informed me "They're all jerks; ignore them"

"I'm trying" I responded,

"They'll get their karma" Mrs. DiMarco added, I smiled at her -

"We can only hope, right?" I smiled,

Both of them nodded, smiling after -

"I was just wondering if I could, uhm.." I paused, hesitating to ask the question that was on my mind, "See Julia's room"

"Of course" Mrs. DiMarco quickly answered. She stood up from her seat, Mr. DiMarco followed her. The two led me up the stairs.

As we were making our way to Julia's room, I became unsure of myself. I wasn't sure if I actually wanted to see Julia's bedroom. I hadn't been in here since she died - being in there would bring back numerous memories of times where I snuck in or her parents went out of town - and I slept over.

We soon reached her room, and her parents stepped aside - giving me the opportunity to open her door and enter by myself. I gulped as I placed my hand on the door knob. I turned the door knob as slowly as I could; scared to see what was going to be right in front of me. The door soon opened, and I stood there - frozen.

Her room was exactly as she left it. Black carpet; very dark blue walls with black paint splattered on them; her room was even messy still - a bunch of her notebooks were spread on the floor, her bed was unmade, and her dressers were wide open with clothes hanging out of them.

I slowly walked in to her room, scanning each part. The Nirvana poster that I had given her was still hanging on her wall. Every thing that was there before - was still there. Her room still smelled like her. It was like I was living in the past. I breathed heavily as I continued to overlook the entire room, feeling overwhelmed by the feeling of a lost love.

"We'll leave you alone" I suddenly heard Mrs. DiMarco say, before she softly closed the door and I heard her and Mr. DiMarco walking down the stairs. I was all alone in Julia's room. I was left there to just overlook every thing. I walked over to her desk and sat down on the chair. There were at least ten picture frames - every last one was a picture of me and Julia. It felt good to know that I meant just as much to her, as she meant to me.

"It's weird being in here, huh?" My heart stopped, and I felt my entire body slightly jump. I turned around to see Johnny standing in the doorway. I let out a deep breath, I felt relieved that it was only Johnny

"It is" I answered,

"I come in here a lot, to be honest - I some times even sleep on the floor, I don't want to sleep in her bed because I have this weird belief that she still sleeps there" Johnny smiled to himself "I know that sounds weird, it's just some thing that I wish was true"

I smiled, and the two of us were silent for a second; "It's hard.. Living with out her"

"I know" He responded "You just gotta pull through it.. Julia wouldn't want you moping around, always thinking about what you could have done to stop her death" Johnny stated "She's some where out there, watching us.. Hoping that we make the best out of life"

* * *

I entered Degrassi the next morning. My bruises still hadn't healed all that much. Maybe they were a shade lighter then before - but then again, the fight occurred two days ago, I shouldn't expect all the bruises and cuts to heal all that much. My ribs still hurt more then anything though. I was at my locker when I heard KC's voice behind me,

"Fitz is not happy" He informed me, I shrugged,

"I figured" I answered "What did he say?"

"Well, I was at the Dot with this girl I just met, Jenna, when Fitz came stomping over to our table. He was screaming on about how he wasn't going to let my emo friend get away with damaging his car. He looked as if he had lost his mind" KC explained,

"I can't wait to see what Fitz is going to do" I stated, almost amused at how angry Fitz had gotten

"Watch out though; Fitz can be out of control some times - especially if he has a little alcohol in him" KC warned me,

"No worries - I can control a bully. I've been controlling them since I was nine" That was not a lie. I've always gotten picked on, mostly because I wasn't as tough or strong as the other kids. Although, the teasing I received in grade school only made me who I am today.

"I got your back though" KC informed me, "When Fitz was going off yesterday - I told him that he started it by harassing you daily about your past and that no one was going to take his side because he was a crazy asshole who needed to be put in his place"

"I bet Fitz didn't like that" KC was actually a good friend.. when he wasn't telling the whole school about your dark past...

"He told me that I shouldn't get involved, because Fitz doesn't have a problem with hurting me. He then stormed off, and we haven't talked since then.. I don't think we're friends anymore" I couldn't help but laugh, and KC did also.

"That's a good guess"

KC and I laughed, "I have to go meet Jenna at her locker. I'll talk to you later though" KC walked off, leaving me there to stand alone. I was actually kind of excited for the day. As of right now; I was having a pretty decent going day. I wasn't one to complain about anything, just yet. I'm bound to run in to Fitzy boy sooner or later - I know it's going to happen, so why should I care?

* * *

Clare had gone to her locker to grab her lunch, while I went to my locker. We had plans to meet in front of my locker, as usual. I suddenly heard footsteps - I turned to see Fitz walking right past me, not even looking at me. I squinted my eyes in confusion -

"You have nothing to say to me?" I called out, catching his attention. He stopped walking and slowly turned around and stared directly at me. I honestly had no idea what he was going to do next - keep walking, ignore me, attack me..

He stared at me for a few more seconds, before continuing to walk.

"You're scared now, right?" I called out again. Fitz didn't say anything - he didn't even stop walking this time. He continued to walk away from me, not looking back or making any noise.. Did I really offend him so bad that he wasn't even going to fight back? I heard Clare's voice, and turned to see her standing there with a smile on her face.

"What's the matter?" She asked, probably noticing how confused I was.

"Fitz walked past me, he didn't say a word or even look at me. I called some thing out to him - he stopped walking, turned and looked at me - then continued to walk away" I explained to Clare, hoping for her to have some genius answer

"It's calling being ignored" She answered, I rolled my eyes -

"I know, but why?" I began "I mean, why would Fitz ignore me after I destroyed his car?"

"Maybe he doesn't want this war to continue" She suggested "Maybe the wars off"

"Bullshit" I stated "Fitz isn't some guy with a warm-heart, who is going to want to forgive me after I scratched his car to the ultimate max" I paused "He has to fight back - he's not going to let me get off that easy"

"Maybe you've got Fitz all wrong - maybe he's not some monster, who's out to ruin your life" Clare started - "Maybe Fitz is a really nice guy"

"And maybe I'm a leprechaun" I sarcastically replied - trying to give her an example of how impossible it was for Fitz to be a good guy.

"Eli come on, just.. Forget about every thing for right now" I rolled my eyes,

"Fine fine fine" I sighed, "Fitz is out of my mind.. _For now_"

"Good" Clare responded, a smile forming on her face, we quickly kissed before sitting down "I have a huge French test tomorrow; I would love if I had some one here to help me study" She said, trying to hint me in on helping her. I nodded,

"I'm an expert at speaking French" I stated - I wasn't all that good at French, but it was kind of fun to say that I was.

"Dream on" Clare said with a smile; I smiled back and the two of us began studying.

* * *

School was out - and Fitz hadn't said one word to me through out the entire school day. Whenever I would pass him, he would just walk - staring forward, and not even acknowledging me. It was like I was a ghost - some one who he was unable to see or notice. I wasn't sure how to react to this situation, considering the fact that I expected to get beat up today.

I entered the parking lot, walking with Clare.

"He didn't say one thing to you?" She asked,

"Not one word - he didn't even look at me" I answered,

Clare went on to say some thing else - but I zoned out. I saw about forty kids surrounding where Morty was parked. I dropped my back pack and fastly walked towards Morty. I pushed through the crowd and saw the damage that was done..

All the tires were slashed - every last one of them was completely flat. The windshield was broken, and on the hood of Morty, in red spray paint, it said - _"Murderer's Child"_. On the side of the car, also in red spray paint, read - _"War" _

I felt Clare's hand grab on to mine. I quickly pulled away, in complete rage. Turning around to see Fitz standing only about five feet away, with a smile on his face. I stormed up to him and pushed him with all my might.

"So you can't say anything to my face, but go to my car?" I yelled,

"You did the same thing to me, emo boy" He replied, "I'm not going to back down.. So you might want to - before things get bad" Fitz walked away, taking away the chance for me to say anything else. I felt my fist clenched and my teeth were closed so tight that I was almost positive that they would all shatter in my mouth.

I let out the deepest breath, before turning and speed walking to my car. I entered the driver's seat and every one moved out of the way, so that I could drive. I would drive away.. If my tires weren't completely slashed. I took my cellphone out and called Johnny..

This war was only beginning.


	23. Authors Note

**Author's Note**

Dear Readers,  
I know that every one of you is probably so angry at me and it's completely understandable. I'm not sure if any of you are still interested in this story, although I hope you are. I just wanted to write this Author's Note to give every one an explanation to why I haven't been updating.  
I've been going through a lot lately. A lot of things in my personal life have gotten so messy. I really am having a bad time right now - and I'm just trying to fix every thing. I didn't mean to abandon the story - I really just need to have time to myself, to fix my life. I just need to get every thing in my life back to normal, before I can continue writing. To be completely honest, I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up - maybe tomorrow, maybe next week - I really don't know. One thing I do know is - I am so so so so sorry for going on this long without updating or at least letting you guys know what's going on. I still LOVE writing and I don't want to stop. I'm not going to stop. I'm sure that I've lost a lot of my readers, but I really do hope that some of you will continue to read - once the story gets going again.  
Again, I'm so sorry.

-EClareObsession


	24. Chapter 22

**Song Suggestion** - "Love The Way You Lie (Part 2)" by Rhianna ft. Eminem  
I like this version more than the original, to be honest. It's such a good song (:

I honestly just wanted to thank every last one of you for giving me so much support. I feel like things are improving very slowly - but at least there improving. I hope that soon enough, things for me will go back to normal and I'll feel better about every thing. Writing is a good way for me to express my feelings. I'm not going to reply to your reviews **ONLY** for this chapter, because I want to get this chapter up as soon as I possibly can. I apologize for not replying to your reviews - I promise that next chapter I will reply to all of your reviews. Thank you guys so much for sticking with me through every thing. It truly means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything. Thank you for every thing. You guys are the greatest.

Chapter Twenty Two  
"Even Angels Have Their Wicked Schemes"

My eyes were narrowed forward, not focusing on anything - blankly staring at my surroundings. I had no thoughts in my mind, I had no emotions to show - I was lost. I had been so confident of myself - I was positive that I was going to bring Fitz down - I was positive that I was going to make that asshole's life a living Hell..

I felt like I was slowly failing. Fitz had wrecked my car ten times worse then I had wrecked his. I had no idea what to do next - I didn't know how to scare him or make him feel over-powered. I sat on my front steps, brainstorming ideas of how I can make Fitz regret the day that he named me the 'Murderer's Child'.

As I stared forward, I suddenly saw Clare walking down the sidewalk. She stared at me, with much sympathy as she came closer. I didn't make eye contact with her - I practically acted as if she wasn't even there, like she was invisible. I didn't want to ignore her; I just didn't want to be with anyone at this point. I needed time to myself.. Time to figure things out.

She knelt down in front of me - not really giving me the choice of talking to her or not,

"Talk to me" She demanded in a soft and calm voice. Her voice was so calming.. Her voice gave me hope that things would get better - _Clare_ gave me hope that things would get better.

I shrugged, not offering a response. I wasn't in the mood to talk, I felt like I looked like a fool.

"Eli" She said my name, "Please" Her voice was almost a whisper, as her hands grabbed on to mine - her eyes looked like glass, that could be shattered at any moment. She looked scared and unsure of herself. I think she was scared of what I was going to do next.. I was sort of unpredictable lately.. in a bad way, obviously.

"What do you want me to say, Clare? That I'm happy that Fitz wrecked Morty? That I want to pound Fitz's face in as hard as I possibly can?"

"No" She let out a deep breath "I want you to tell me that you're okay and that you're never going to talk to Fitz again.. I want you to tell me that this war is over and that this whole thing has been going on far too long" I would never say any of that..

I rolled my eyes; "I'm not letting him get away with this"

"You're only going to amuse him by attempting to fight back - every last prank or mean thing that you do to him, he's only going to do something worse back to you"

"Thanks for the pep talk, Saint Clare" I sarcastically replied "I am not going to sit back and let the entire school think that I'm scared to go after Fitz" I told her "I have to hit him three times as hard as he hit me, or I'll look like an idiot"

"Eli, you look like an idiot right now - for fighting back and trying to start this 'war'"

"Alright I'm done" I snapped, getting annoyed

"With what?"

"This conversation - I don't care if you think this war is stupid, I'm going to do it because I want to" I answered "Stay out of it"

I stood up from the steps and entered my house, slamming the door with as much force as I possibly could.

Was I being a jerk? Yes, Was I out of line? In many ways, Would I regret being such an asshole later? Most likely

Do I care at this point? Not really

* * *

I sat in my room, contemplating my next move - going over how I could attack Fitz. This war became my new obsession, some thing that I thought of always. I continuously thought of how I could hurt Fitz - all I could ever think about was winning this war. I was obsessed with defeating Fitz.

Violence became my new hobby - an unhealthy one, clearly. I didn't mind it though - I didn't feel like I was crazy, even though many people probably thought I was. I felt like I was in power - even if I was currently losing the battle. I felt like I had strength; I wasn't a weak little 'emo boy' who was incapable of defending himself..

I was some one to be feared - some one for people not to mess with anymore. Sure, at the beginning people attacked me for my father's mistakes - but now that Fitz and me have started this intense on-going war - I almost feel like people would rather sit back and watch as the war unravels, rather than participate in it.

My thoughts were interrupted at the sound of the door opening, revealing my step father's face. I nodded, giving him a signal that he was allowed to come in. He nodded in return, entering my room and shutting the door. He stood in front of me, staring at me - almost like he was waiting for me to speak.. I remained silent, not exactly wanting to explain myself or Morty's damages.

"Morty's fixed" He told me "It took me and your uncle all day long to fix him, but he's back to the way he was before - with the exception of a better paint job and a cleaner window" He said, smiling after. I had no response - no emotion to reply with. Jack let out a deep breath, as his smile faded away - "What happened, Eli? Why would some one do that to your car?"

Tell him or not tell him?

"People think they're tough"

"Like who?"

"No one, Jack" The first name usage was a low blow - but I didn't mind being mean today, I felt like I was entitled to having an attitude.

"Eli, come on - you can trust me" I can't trust anyone

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to say what happened - I spent all day in a garage, working on your hearse; the least you can do is gimme' an explanation" He had a good point

"This guy has been an asshole to me lately, so I wrecked his car.. In return, he wrecked mine" that was a pretty solid explanation.

"You gotta stay out of all that, Eli" He told me "It's only going to come back to bite you in the ass" Wise words.. Too bad I don't give a fuck

"We'll see" I muttered, annoyed - but not wanting to be a complete jackass.

Jack let out a loud breath, sounding like he was disappointed - he then exited my room, closing the door behind him.

Maybe I was being unreasonable - maybe I was being crazy - maybe I was out of line. But I wasn't going to find out any of those things till the end of this war. What if I kept going on with this war - and ended up humiliating Fitz and overall winning? I can't quit now - I have to finish this thing out.

* * *

I opened my eyes - the sun shining through my window practically blinded me. I squinted my eyes and yawned. I was so sick and tired of going to school - I just wanted to lay in bed all day, ignoring every one's phone calls or texts - I just wanted to be left alone.

But if I didn't go to school.. Then I couldn't get Fitz back.

I climbed out of bed and began my morning routine. Once I was finished with all of this, I walked downstairs - seeing that neither of my parents were in the kitchen, or anywhere in the house for that matter. I shrugged it off, not really caring anymore - I shouldn't care; I don't care.

I didn't bother grabbing anything to eat for breakfast. I just grabbed my backpack and cellphone, I then approached Morty. I glanced over my entire hearse - examining every last inch of it; trying to make sure that there wasn't anything wrong with him.

I walked around the car to the front door, I opened the car door and sat down in the driver's seat. I sat there for a moment, in complete silence - completely unsure of what to do. I couldn't believe that Jack and my uncle were capable of fixing Morty, after the mess Fitz had made him.

I put the keys in the ignition, preparing myself to drive. Driving to Degrassi at seven in the morning, every weekday was horrible. I was barley functioning at such early hours - I wasn't sure if I should even be driving, for that matter. I was in no condition to be operating such a big vehicle. Morty was hard to handle - he was a gentle car, that could go off by pushing your foot down just a tiny bit too hard.

I'm not all that good of a driver to begin with.. And it being 7 AM doesn't add on to my potential.

I turned in to the Degrassi parking lot, not exactly paying attention to my surroundings - not like I really cared for anyone at this point. Caring was such a waste of time - such a waste of an emotion. I know that I sound heartless - maybe even cold-blooded, but can you really blame me at this point?

I'm in a cold long war with my 'enemy' Fitz - a war that seems impossible to win. I got in to a fight with my girlfriend yesterday, the only person that I have in this entire world. The entire school has this odd belief that I'm destined to be a murderer just like my father. My reputation isn't very clean or likable at this point - I'm a mess, but I don't mind being one.

I'm good at being a mess.

I parked Morty and exited him. Taking in a deep breath, as I prepared myself to begin yet another day in Hell - or as some others may call it; _Degrassi_. I walked up the school steps, staring forward, wondering what was waiting ahead of me. I wondered if a prank or cruel joke would be played on me today, I wondered if I was going to do some thing cruel to Fitz, I wondered if Clare and me were okay.

I wondered many things; things that I was never going to find out, unless I got my day started.

I walked down the Degrassi halls, not many looked at me - most people practically acting as if I was a ghost - I didn't mind it though. I approached my locker, to see Adam sitting on the floor, with a comic book in hand. I gulped as I opened my locker - unsure if I should talk to Adam or not, things seemed to be on awkward terms after our conversation yesterday.

"I heard about Morty" He stated, catching my attention "How bad is it?"

I shrugged - "Jack and my uncle fixed it up, it's all good now" I told him, as I shuffled through many papers and books that were stacked up in my locker

"Don't want to be the guy to say it, but.."

"Don't" I quickly interrupted him - knowing that I was going to get the 'I Told You So' speech

"I'm just saying, man, you had it coming to you" Good to know, Adam..

"It's not even a big deal - Morty looks the same as before - actually, he looks even _better_"

"It's not the end result that matters, Eli.. It's the fact that Fitz did some thing like that back to you" He told me "You need to start realizing that Fitz isn't scared of you and he's never going to be scared of you. No matter what you do - Fitz will never back down. He has the reputation of being the big bully that every one bows down to.. Do you really think that he's going to give that up for a guy who just got here this semester?"

He had a good point; but I was a stubborn person, meaning that I didn't give a fuck.

"I don't care what you expect him to do - or what you think the outcome of all of this is going to be. All I care about is proving my point and winning this war. I'm not going to back down to Fitz"

"Your choice, man" He muttered - like my father was last night, Adam seemed disappointed.

People always seemed to be disappointed in me.

* * *

During Science class, I tapped my pencil fastly, as I brain-stormed on what to do next. I needed an evil plan, I needed to do some thing back to Fitz, to make him feel worse then he made me feel yesterday. I needed to do some thing to him as soon as possible - meaning today. I couldn't let Fitz go untouched for even a day.

He needed payback - I needed revenge.

The idea hit me like a bullet - my eyes practically went wide, as I couldn't help but form my dropped jaw in to a devilish smirk. Sure, the plan may not be as evil or mean as I had hoped - but it was going to get me somewhere, it was going to allow me to get back at him as soon as I could.

* * *

I entered the lunch room, I haven't eaten in the lunch room for what felt like years. I practically forgot what this place even looked like. I was in search of Fitz. I had the Ipecac in my pocket. Ipecac is used to make people throw up. All I had to do was slip this in to Fitz's drink and he would be throwing up a storm.

I glanced over the crowd - attempting to spot out Fitz and all of his friends. My eyes finally stopped, as I stared at Fitz. He was sitting at the end of one of the tables - with all of his _"really cool friends"_

I took a deep breath, as I made my way over to the table. I proceeded to stand there, practically looking evil in the eyes.

"What do you want, emo boy?" Fitz asked, mocking me in front of all of his friends, I put on a fake smile

"Only here to settle the war - how does a peace treaty sound to you?" I asked, Fitz squinted his eyes at me - as if he was trying to see what I actually wanted. Only an idiot would believe that I was going to end this war.

"Now, why would you want to end this war, all of the sudden?" He asked,

"Parents are getting hot-headed over all of the damage done to the car. Apparently, I'm going to get taken out of Degrassi if I ever prank you again. I'm trying to follow my parent's wishes" I was officially the greatest liar, "Now, are you in for this war ending or what?"

Fitz sat there, like he was contemplating on what to do next. Him actually even thinking about believing that I'm going to end this war, because my parents told me to, is ridiculous. I don't know what's funnier - that Fitz actually believes me or that he's going to be throwing up in about five minutes.

"What's in it for me?" Fitz asked,

"I'll go buy you a soda and that will be the start of me making it up to you" HA. Good Joke.

Fitz laughed, acting as if he was in charge of me. It's like - he thought he could control me, he thought he was in power, and that I was scared of him. Little did he know - he doesn't scare me at all. I'm more scared of a team of girl scouts, then I am of him.

"Go ahead, go get me a drink" I wanted to punch Fitz in this face. He had so much arrogance, it was disturbing. I hid my anger, with a smile. I turned to walk to the soda machine; Fitz's friends were all laughing, as if they all believed that Fitz was "The Man"

I approached the machine, as I put a dollar in it. I clicked the Pepsi picture, as I awaited for the drink to come tumbling down to the bottom. I grabbed the can from the slot - and opened it, I looked back to see if Fitz was looking - he wasn't. I opened the pop, and then opened the Ipecac.

I poored some of the Ipecac in to the drink. I then stuck the Ipecac back in to my pocket; as I smiled to myself. I turned around and approached Fitz's table. I handed him the pop and Fitz smiled at me.

"You're quite the guy, Eli" Fitz said, right before taking what might be the biggest drink of pop in the entire world. He practically drank the entire thing. I stood there, holding in my laughter. Once Fitz swallowed the soda, he squinted his eyes - almost like he was in pain

"You're not a smart guy, Fitz - what makes you think that I would end this war and then buy you a drink?" I said, sadistically laughing after. Fitz got up from the table and went to the garbage can - there, Fitz threw up. Everyone was in confusion, I was the only one who saw things clear.

And Fitz.. Looked like an idiot.

I exited the lunch room - not looking back. Fitz was continuing to throw up, as I left. I didn't care though. I didn't feel bad, I wasn't remorseful for my actions - and maybe that was a bad thing. In the end though, I think of it as my way of showing Fitz that he can't mess with every one and he can't always think he's in power. Some people are going to beat you, you can't always expect to win.

* * *

It was the end of the day. I hadn't heard from Fitz for the entire day. The last time I saw or spoke to him was at lunch. I was feeling like I was on top of the world, as I opened my locker and grabbed my back pack out of it. I threw a few books in my back pack and then slammed my locker. I turned around to leave school, when I came face to face with Johnny

"This has got to stop" Johnny said, his face showed much anger - like he wasn't happy with me for some reason. I looked at him in confusion,

"Give more details please - I'm a little confused on what I did wrong"

"Listen, I hate Fitz. The only feeling that I have towards Fitz is hatred. I hate him just as much as you do - maybe even more. But this war shit is getting out of hand. I understand that you want to make Fitz pay for the life of yours that he 'ruined', but you're being an asshole"

"If you hate him just as much as I do, then I don't understand what your problem is"

"My problem is that you're taking all of this shit too far. Instead of Fitz looking like the asshole - _you_ look like the asshole" Johnny told me "And I heard about you ignoring Clare all day - which is ridiculous. If you love Clare as much as you tell people you do - then don't focus on the war instead of her. You're pushing every one away and you're making yourself look like the bad guy"

"Johnny, I don't need your criticism - you're supposed to be on my side and you're supposed to help me fight back against the guy who has been talking shit about your sister for months now. I think it's pretty ridiculous that you're telling me to back off of Fitz. Fitz treats your sister's death like it's a joke. I'm trying to make him realize that it's not funny and it's not a joke"

"Eli, trust me, I understand where you're coming from - but this shit is getting old. End it now, before it goes too far. I don't mean to be a jerk, but Fitz isn't a nice guy. He's not going to sit back and take what you give to him - he's going to hurt you, and I'll always be there to defend you - if Fitz ever lays a finger on you, I'll beat the shit out of him - all I'm saying is that me and you aren't always going to be together, Fitz can come at you at any time, any where, with whoever he wants"

"Don't tell me to end this war - it's my decision. I'm going to make him pay for everything he has ever said about Julia, about my father and about me. I refuse to let him feel like he can say whatever he wants" I stated, "I want Fitz to regret the day he ever called me the Murderer's Child and I'm not going to stop until he does"

I walked away - refusing to look back. I didn't want to talk to Johnny right now. I would never have expected in a million years that Johnny would turn on me like this. I expected Johnny to always be there for me and to always be on my side and agree with what I was doing. Doesn't Johnny realize that Fitz is making fun of his sister, who passed away? How can Johnny not be as angry as I am?

I saw Clare standing by her locker. My anger calmed down, as I couldn't help but smile at the sight of Clare. I approached her

"Hey" I muttered, with a smile on my face. Clare gave me an angry stare, before turning to walk away. I grabbed her hand, causing her to turn around - "What did I do now?" I asked. Another person mad at me? _No surprise there.._

"Johnny and I had a long conversation today"

"About what?"

"Every thing" She told me. I gave her a confused look, which gave her permission to continue on explaining what was bothering her "We both agreed that this Fitz thing has gone way too far. You slipped Ipecac in to his drink?"

"Yeah I did and I'm happy about it"

"Eli, come on" She whined "How could you be happy about making some one throw up all of lunch and have to go home because he couldn't stop throwing up?"

"He deserves it! That's why I'm happy, Clare" I explained "And you should be happy for me"

"No, Eli, I shouldn't be happy for you, because you're acting like an idiot" She exclaimed "You're obsessed with this war and it's getting out of hand" She paused, "If you're going to continue this war, then I can't be with you"

I let out a deep breath "Well.. I guess I'll talk to you once I'm done with this war then" I walked away

As I was walking away..

"Don't bother" Clare's voice called out. I continued walking..

This can't be real.


	25. Chapter 23

THANK YOU - **Zephyr Hearts, Clareandeliforever, Elinfatuated, MrsDibiase-10, TVIsMyDrug4, PullMeIntoTheDark, we-will-not-fall-down, Brittany1022, TheMsedegrassi, Dreamgreen16, brown. eyed. girl. 713, Natsuki Sato, E. K. Rico, **and** Blaze828** for reviewing (:

**I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT INDIVIDUALLY REPLYING TO EACH OF YOUR REVIEWS**  
**I'm honestly sooo tired lately. School has never been this overwhelming, and I truly just want to be able to get the chapters up as soon as I possibly can, and I'm sorry if you guys are bothered by me not responding :( I will next chapter**! (:

**Song Suggestion** -"Be Mine" by Ellie Goulding

Chapter Twenty Three  
"And Now You're Gone"

Was I in the wrong? Was I the so-called 'Bad Guy' in this situation? Maybe I had made Fitz out to be this dangerous and vicious monster that he really wasn't. Maybe Fitz was an all around good guy who never meant to do any harm. Maybe Fitz could be my friend..

HA. Good joke. I will never be that guy's friend. He isn't the good guy and he is a dangerous/vicious monster. He is every thing that I've always thought he was; just ten times worse. Fitz was an unforgivable barbarian - who deserved all that came to him.

One thing that I regret out of all of this stuff is.. Losing Clare. One thing that I will admit on being wrong for - is letting Clare leave me, practically giving her permission to go on and move on. I had freedom now - I was free to beat the hell out of any Degrassi student, without Clare giving me the bad eye. I was able to do whatever I wished... But I don't think that is what I really want.

I would much rather be the guy who backed down to Fitz, then the guy who regrets saying goodbye to the greatest thing to ever enter his life. Clare was my life; this war shouldn't have pushed her out of it. I can't believe that I let this war get to my head and control my every last thought.. I can't believe that Clare told me she couldn't be with me today.. and that I walked away from her.

I never would of thought in a million years that I would have been the one to walk away from Clare Edwards. Clare was the angel that I looked up to. Clare was the girl who taught me right from wrong. Clare was the girl who reached her hand out to me when I needed it most. I felt like I was falling through the cracks - I missed Julia and I hated my father.. But then Clare came along.

And she gave me hope.

She gave me a feeling of comfort - like maybe the world wasn't a complete mess. Maybe my life wasn't as bad as I had previously believed.

Now that Clare is gone.. I don't know what to do. Should I try to speak to her? Should I try to get her back? Or is it ending for this time period a good thing?

The thing I fear the most, is that I'll stop talking to her - I'll pretend like we never dated.. And she'll move on.

Even the thought of seeing her with another guy kills me inside. I can't imagine another guy holding her in their arms, giving her few kisses - here and there. I could never even bear the thought of her falling for another guy; who was more simple then me, with less problems and a happier attitude towards life.

I wonder if things were meant to be this way.. Maybe I'm too big of a mess for Saint Clare to repair. Maybe I pushed her away. Maybe my overwhelming thoughts of Julia, my father, and this war with Fitz was too much for Clare to handle.

I can honestly say.. I'm lost without her.

* * *

I walked down the streets. I was wearing a black hoodie and black jeans. My hood was up, covering my head and a decent amount of my face. My hands were buried in my sweatshirt pocket. I stared at the ground, watching my feet walk on - one foot after the either. I was across the street from the Dot, just staring at it. I had stopped walking, as I had this weird feeling come over me. I felt like some thing was about to happen.

Butterflies arose in my stomach, as I stood there - waiting and waiting and waiting. Why had I become so nervous? Why did I suddenly feel so insecure? I squinted my eyes as I saw two people exiting the Dot. I wasn't sure exactly who it was. My eye sight wasn't the greatest, to be honest.

I squinted my eyes tightly, as I stared at the two..

_KC and Clare_?

Anger arose inside of me. I felt like my breath was taken away, as my jaw dropped - I had the meanest stare on my face, as I clenched my teeth as tight as possible. I crossed the street, each step I took was filled with more anger then the one before.

How could KC do this to me? Is this why he had apologized before?- He wanted to get close to me, in order to get close to Clare? I should have never forgiven KC for all the wrong he had done to me. I can't believe that Clare would turn on me like this.. I never thought she would stoop that low.

I felt like I was on the edge of exploding - like my body was over-flowing with anger and frustration. I felt like I was crazy - I felt like I was a ticking time bomb that would set off at any moment. I was so angry; I wasn't sure what I was going to do when I came face to face with Clare and KC..

KC and Clare seemed to be hugging goodbye, neither of the two had noticed me. As I finally reached the sidewalk..

"Hey KC" I yelled his name; KC turned towards me - and with out another second to spare or another world to throw out there - I lifted my fist and I felt my knuckles connect with KC's face. The feeling that lifted off of my hand on to his face was so painful. KC stumbled backwards, falling to the ground. I stood there - having not one emotion to express.

KC's nose began to bleed, I glanced at Clare to see that her jaw was dropped in disbelief - like she wasn't sure what to do next.

"And that's for pretending to be my friend" I stated, before turning to walk away. I only took a few steps, before Clare grabbed my arm, I turned to face her - my hood was still covering a lot of my face - and I'm happy that it was, I'm too scared to allow Clare to see my entire face at this point.

"What is wrong with you?" Clare screamed at the top of her lungs; her voice sounding like she was in pain. I shrugged, not offering a single word to her.. I didn't think she deserved it "Eli, you are honestly ridiculous!"

"I'm ridiculous?" I yelled "We broke up like five hours ago and you're already flirting with your ex-boyfriend that you left for me? If anyone is ridiculous - it's you" I responded, very angry - wanting to express all of the anger I had towards Clare

"I'm not moving on, Eli! KC is the only one here for me right now - I needed to talk to some one. I'm hurting right now!"

"You could of came and talked to me, Clare! I should be the guy that you come to for help - I should be the number one guy that you call.. Not KC"

"Eli, you're impossible to talk to now a days - all you care about is your next plan-of-attack against Fitz, and I'm sick of coming second in your life - when a stupid little high school war is what comes before me"

"Forget it, Clare - forget everything I've ever done for you - forget every last word I've ever said to you.." I paused "I didn't mean any of it"

"I'm happy that you didn't Eli" Clare snapped back "If I had known that you were this much of a violent _monster_ - I wouldn't ever have attempted to get through to you in the first place.. It was all a waste of time.. You want to be broken, Eli - and I'm sick of trying to fix you. Over and over again, I try to push through the barriers and get through to you.. - but it's useless.. It was all a waste of time; because, you like being sad and miserable - you hate being happy.. And I've finally realized all of this" She took a deep breath "There is clearly no way to fix you, Eli.. I give up"

"I wasn't with you so you could fix me.. I'm not some project for you to experiment on"

I stormed away - staring forward, as my feet stomped harshly against the concrete. I wanted to feel pain - I wanted to feel an emotion, rather than betrayal. I wanted my anger to be over-powered with hurt or sadness - I didn't want to feel like the betrayed kid who has no friends at this point.

I felt like I was hanging on by a thread..

And Clare just cut the thread with a knife..

* * *

I sat there, blankly staring at the stone in front of me. Julia's name engraved with the prettiest lettering. I traced my fingers along her name- spelling it out; practically tricking myself to believe that my weak fingers were capable of creating the deep lettering on the stone. I let out a deep breath, falling back - so that I was sitting on the ground, instead of on my feet.

"I'm doing this all for you" I murmured, speaking to Julia, as if she was present. "I'm giving up every thing that could make me happy.. Just to make you happy" I paused, grabbing the picture frame up from the side of her grave.

The picture was of Julia and she looked so beautiful. She wasn't smiling, but she was just staring the camera; right in the lens. Her eyes were so powerful - so deep; I almost felt like she was staring directly in to my eyes- _in to my soul._

"Clare hates me. KC hates me. The school hates me. My parents don't understand me. I'm lost, Julia.. I'm lost, and it's all because of what happened" I told her "You ruined my life" I felt tears in my eyes, but I refused to allow them out "Do I really have the right to be mad at you though?.. You never let me down; I let you down. All you did to me was love me, and I can't stress that you did all that you could for me.. Back then, when we were dating, I was lost and depressed - but you made me happy. You gave me hope for my future.. Then my dad tore it all away, tearing you from my life, from your family, from the universe.. And I never got to say goodbye.. All I got to do was scream bitter cruel words at you, like you were nothing but the dirt on the ground"

I put her picture back down on her grave, and stood from the ground - "I'm sorry" I spoke, my words sounding just as sad as I was - "I'm sorry, Julia"

* * *

**VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT**

**I KNOW;  
this chapter sucked and was so so so short.  
BUT;  
there are only ABOUT four-five more chapters left in this story, but I SWEAR there will be enough drama in the last few chapters then you will be able to handle (: **  
**In the next few chapters - there will be the Degrassi school dance involved; the one that Eli and Clare were SUPPOSED to go to together. And there will be some aftermath of the dance. I promise though; there is SOOOO much drama ahead and I hope that you guys are as excited to read it, as I am to write it (: I'm going to start writing the next chapters as soon as possible- I've been waiting to write these chapters since I first began this story. I've always had the ending planned out, and I'm sooo happy that I finally get to write it!** (:


	26. Chapter 24

**It's been about four months since I've updated; and I hate myself for it. I promised I wouldn't abandon this story; that's why I'm back to finish it! (: I really hope that some of you out there will still read this story till the end - especially because there's only about four more chapters left. I sincerely apologize for the wait, and hope that all of you guys can forgive me! I know I shouldn't have let summer "get the best of me" and ignore this story - but I promise that I'll never do that again! I hope you guys like the new chapter!** (:

**Song Suggestion**: "Ghosts IV - 34" by Nine Inch Nails  
There's no lyrics to this song, but it's absolutely beautiful! (:

**Title Inspired By**: "A Year From Now" by Across Five Aprils  
I cried the first time I heard this song; it's so touching and I can honestly relate to it,  
I would definitely suggest listening to these two songs! (:

Chapter Twenty Four  
"You Were A Priority,  
Was I An Option?"

I stared at myself in the mirror. Black jeans, black shirt, and a red jacket. I was prepared to attend Degrassi's dance. The one I was meant to attend with Clare. _People change - it's all for the better_ - I don't know how many times I'll need to repeat that before I truly believe it.

I was unsure of why I was even attending the dance. Clare hated me. Fitz hated me. Adam hated me. Johnny hated me. KC hated me.

The _entire_ Degrassi school hated me. Attending the dance was almost like a mind game to me. I was challenging myself. Testing myself out to see if I could handle the obnoxious comments and stare downs I would receive from those around me. I felt like I was poison. Every one looked at me as if I was _untouchable - unbearable _to even look at. I felt like I was to every one, what Fitz was to me..

I've lost every thing, besides the war.. At least if I win that, I'll have some thing to hold over every one's heads.

Sure, I don't get to say that I got the girl, or that I'm the best football player at Degrassi, or that I have more friends then any one at the school

But I'm able to say that I was strong enough to beat Fitz

And that's the ultimate prize.

* * *

I entered Morty, tightly gripping the wheel. As I planned my adventurous night out. I had no plans to attack Fitz; mostly because I had no idea if he would even be attending the dance. A part of me hoped that he was and a part of me wished he wouldn't.

If he was there - it would give me the chance to strike him again, while he was still down.

On the same side - he might have some thing already planned for me..

I drove to Degrassi, in the hopes of arriving to a huge crowd of people. I wanted to walk in to the gym doors and almost feel as if I was being swallowed by the crowd of Degrassi students. As I pulled in to the parking lot - I came to realize that what I wanted might have been coming true. With a few parking spaces left open, I slowly parked Morty.

Turning the car off, I stared to my right - looking at Degrassi school; the place that has taken my life by storm and has made me come face to face with my _inner demons_

I let out a deep breath; deciding to stop thinking about how this dance may turn out and actually go inside to enjoy the dance. As I exited Morty, I felt the adrenaline rush that I had once felt before back when I first saw Clare.

I walked up the steps and in to the doors. Staring at all the over-priced cheesy decorations. The bright colors that basically blinded you and the balloons that the occasional jackass would purposely pop. Degrassi was the ordinary school - throwing the same lame dances that you would expect to be thrown.

I entered the gym doors to hear a pop radio-played song blasting through my ears. I overlooked the crowd, scanning every last person's face. 50 percent of the students were dancing; looking as if they were highly intoxicated.. 20 percent of the students were standing around by themselves, looking as if some one had dragged them by their hair- forcing them to be there. And finally, the other 30 percent stood around with their group of friends and/or date.

I was looking for a specific face. A face that had curly brown hair attached to the top of her head. I stared for that blue-eyed beauty. The girl that I once called _mine_..

As I stared out in to the crowd, I came to realize that there were far too many students for me to be able to find that one little face in there.

I walked fully in to the gym, being swallowed by the crowd of insanely embarrassing dancers. I pushed through the crowd - most likely receiving dirty looks from those who didn't appreciate my presence. I ignored the thought and continued to make my way towards the seperate groups of people who had chosen to not be an example of bad dancing.

I knew Clare wasn't the type to dance around a gymnasium to some over-rated music, that every one pretended to enjoy just so that they could fit in with their friends and at school.

Clare wasn't like that though.. She liked what _she_ liked - not what every one else pretended to like.

As I finally reached the back, I began to scan the crowd once again. Over looking all of those who didn't resemble Clare.

I finally saw her

Her beautiful smile shining, her hair in big girls, her skin flawless, and her bright blue eyes piercing the person in front of her.. As I came to think about it - I became curious to whom she had standing in front of her. I took a step to the left, so that I'd become capable to seeing the person..

Fitz and KC?

_Clare_ is talking to _Fitz _and_ KC_?

I couldn't help but have my jaw drop, as well as my stomach. I felt sick. I was at home - basically in depression over losing Clare - and here she is.. with the enemies

Without even thinking of what I was going to say or do - I began walking towards the three. As I reached them, I felt all of their eyes on me. I had a devilish smirk on my face, and stared at the three as if we were life long friends who had never even had an argument with one another.

"Great day, isn't it? This dance is _spectacular"_ I clearly said this in a sarcastic tone; Clare immediately rolled her eyes and looked down at the ground; as if looking at me was unbearable..

"I was unaware that you'd be attending this dance, emo boy" Fitz stated - I smiled at him, amused by his nickname for me _'emo boy'_ - I figured that I was still being referred to as 'Murderer's Child'. "Did you bring any other poisons to slip into my drink?"

"No I did not. Although, I can run back to my house and get some, if you'd like" Clare immediately placed her hand on my chest, and pushed me backwards as she walked. I turned around so that I was facing the same way as her. She walked a couple feet away from Fitz and KC, before stopping and grabbing my arm

"Eli, why do you need to be like this?" She questioned me.

"Be like what?" I was being a smartass - a jerk, whatever you may call it

"You know what I'm talking about!" She yelled at me. I could hear it in her voice - see it in her eyes, she was sick of it. She was sick of every thing. Every thing I've ever put her through.. She was just _done_.

"I don't, actually" I didn't want to let her walk away from me, as much as I knew I should.. "Are you here with one of them? Is Fitz your date? Is KC?" I interrogated her, searching for answers - some thing to make sense of the matter..

"No Eli. I came here, and the two of them approached me" She told me "They're nice to me. They don't accuse me of things or obsess over stupid high school drama"

I rolled my eyes - "_You_ look for drama, Clare" I responded "You know how much I hate KC and Fitz. You are completely aware of how badly I dislike them - but yet, you arrive at this lame dance just to hang out with them?" I paused "I asked you to the dance.. Clare, I asked you to come here with me.. But you're with them"

"I asked you stop the war" She muttered "You chose the war over me, Eli.. You can't expect me to sit around and wait until you're done harassing Fitz"

Clare walked away. I watched her as she went.

She was right

I was wrong

* * *

**I know - it was a short and boring chapter! But I promise the last chapters will be drama-filled! Please read, review and forgive me for the wait** (:


	27. Chapter 25

**Song Suggestion**: "Werewolf" by Cocorosie

Chapter Twenty Five  
"I Don't Mean To Close The Door But,  
For the Record - My Heart Is Sore"

I stared at the dance floor, slowly watching as every one danced. My hands rested on my lap, as I violently picked at my skin- attempting to find a way to basically distract myself from all of this. I was sitting in a chair, at an empty table. You would expect at least a stranger, who had no friends at the school, would attempt to sit down and have a civil conversation with me -

No one did though. I was a monster, I felt like one and I was seen as one. It wasn't as though I was feared - I was more of.. '_Creepy_'. People didn't want to give me the time of day because of my past and because of my wardrobe and because of Fitz. I was invisible. No one looked at me, talked to me, thought about me - nothing. They all thought I was a waste of time.

I was starting to believe that I was.

I suddenly felt some one's presence standing next to me. As I tilted my head upwards, I came face to face with Adam. He sat down at the chair in front of me; his arms were crossed and he looked at me with a look that was un-describable. I was uncapable of even determing whether or not it was a look of hatred, worry, or the look of a guy just looking for a conversation

"Every thing that's happened between the two of us is in the past. I'm not here to yell at you or make you feel like the scum of the earth" Adam informed me. "I can see it in your face, Eli.. Some thing's not right"

"Is anything ever right?" I could immediately tell how, as Fitz would call it - '_emo_' I sounded. I didn't care though. I couldn't continue to try to say the right things and try to impress people. I'm never going to be a like-able kid, I'm never going to know exactly what to say and when to say it.

"Clare trouble?'

"She's here - talking with KC and Fitz" I glanced over to Clare, who was still remaining in deep conversation, but this time - it was only with KC. "Correction - only with KC now.." I paused and sighed as I looked down at my lap and back up at Adam "She's moving on. She's over me - _so quick_"

"No she's not, Eli" Adam disagreed with me "I think she just wants you to stop only concerning over hurting Fitz and actually focus on her"

"None of it matters Adam" I began "She hates me"

"If you would stop this war with Fitz; then maybe she wouldn't" I had no response "Okay, I'll make you a deal"

"Spill it"

"If you can go through this entire dance with out talking, giving rude looks, hurting, or doing anything close to a prank to Fitz or KC.. I'll talk to Clare about forgiving you and giving you another chance" I could feel my face light up.. I almost felt a feeling of hope.. Clare listens to Adam

"Deal" I spoke up "I promise - not a word spoken to either of those guys"

I could see Adam was doubtful, but I ignored it. I knew that if I had a serious reason to ignore those two - I could. I just needed to remain focused and keep my eyes off of Clare. Every time I look at her- I will only see her with one or both of my two tormenters.

* * *

The clock struck 9:32 PM exactly. I had been alone at this dance for a full hour; barely even moving from my seat. The dance ended at 11. I was able to leave, but I didn't want to leave early because I was afraid that Adam would come to the conclusion that I left because of Fitz and KC. I needed to wait out this dance and just keep myself under control.

I saw no signs of Clare, Fitz or KC in sight - so I made the decision to stand up and make my way towards the drink table. I saw a bowl of red punch, I grabbed myself a plastic cup and filled the cup to the top. I sipped it slowly as I turned around to see the one and only..

Fitz

I immediately rolled my eyes and placed my drink on the table

"Excuse me" I said with an angry tone on. I stepped to the right, only for Fitz to do the same. I rolled my eyes once again. I could feel myself growing more frustrated and impatient second after second.

"For a guy with so much.. _Confidence _- you've seen to have given up on fighting me and KC for Clare's attention"

"I don't need to fight for Clare's attention" I stated "She would never even think of being with you. You mean the same to her as the dirt on the ground"

"That's a debatable statement" Big words? Wow, _I'm impressed_.. "Clare's been eyeing me all semester. Haven't you ever seen the look she gives me in the halls? Her blue eyes seem to always land on me" I clenched my fist

"Fitz" I attempted to warn him - saying his name in the meanest tone I could

"I can't wait till the dance is over - Clare and me will be going some where _very_ special" He looked at me with the smirk of the devil. I closed my eyes tightly and re-opened them. Attempting to pull it together and not allow Fitz to get inside my head

"I guess Clare just wants a boy who doesn't wear eye liner and who's dad hasn't committed murder before"

I pushed Fitz as hard as I possibly could. He stumbled backwards but came back to me and grabbed me by the top of my shirt. I pushed him off and right as I did, KC came running in between the two of us

"You guys - can you just stop fighting for five seconds?" KC screamed,

"We would if Fitz wasn't so fucking _obsessed_ with me" I said, causing Fitz to sarcastically laugh

"At least I don't stalk my ex-girlfriend"

I wanted to kill him. I was using every last bit of strength to pull it together and not attack Fitz

"I hate you" I muttered

"_That hurt_" Fitz's voice filled with sarcasm.

I stormed out of the gym. In need of relaxation. I entered the hallway, and kicked the first locker I saw as hard as I could. I felt the beating pain in my foot, but I ignored it - I slammed my hands on the locker and rested my forhead against it. I then turned my back to be on the locker and slid down - sitting on the floor. I lifted my knees to my chest and placed my chin on top of my knees.

I stared forward

Being pushed around as much as I do gets to you at points. As much as I fight back and try to show that it doesn't bother me.. After a while, you begin breaking down. You build up all this muscle, all this confidence - you feel like you can take on that bully. You feel on top of the world. Then that certain tormenter watches and watches you - looking for some thing to throw in your face.

And Fitz has been looking for a while

And he found Clare.

I saw the familiar face of a childhood friend enter the hallway. His eye was a very light shade of purple.. Thanks to my jealousy outbursts.

KC stood in front of me, looking down at me, in silence. I wasn't sure if he was here to tell me to back off, to kick my ass for hitting him, to torment me, to inform me that him and Clare are now an item..

"To start this whole thing off - I personally have no idea why I'm here. This entire year has been hell for our _so-called_ friendship. We've back-stabbed each other more times then I can count; and to this day, I still have no understanding of why we've done all that we've done" KC began "As much as I want to hate you, as much as I want to act as if you're invisible - I can't, because you're still my best friend and I feel bad for what you're going through"

"Did Fitz send you out here to find some way of sending me back inside the dance, so you two can flirt with Clare and make me jealous again?" A part of me knew that KC wasn't doing any thing I just said - KC was being sincere. But I was so pissed off, so aggravated, so mad - I just, I couldn't accept any type of friendship promise at this point. I couldn't make ends meet with anyone, I didn't care. I couldn't care.

"Eli, you're paranoid"

"And you're a horrible friend" I snapped

"_I'm_ a horrible friend?" He yelled, I shook my head referring to yes "You took my girlfriend, Eli! I was nothing but nice to you"

"So telling every one about my dead ex-girlfriend and my father whose in jail, is considered _'being nice'_? If so, then I must be a fucking saint"

"You're crazy Eli" He responded "I'm done breaking fights up for you. I'm done forgiving you. I'm done telling Fitz not to do the evil schemes that he plans to do. From now on - you're on your own" He paused "Since the day I told Fitz your secret - I've been convincing him not to do so many things, I was always a good friend, I made a mistake - but now I've realized that my biggest mistake was apologizing to a lunatic like you"

"Keep talking KC" I muttered "I don't need you to stop Fitz from hurting me. I don't need you, KC. Stop acting like without you I'm going to _die_. Fitz can do any type of prank he wants to me - don't stop him next time" KC rolled his eyes and entered the gym "Bye" I yelled in sarcasm as he disappeared from my eye sight.

Pushing KC away was the wrong thing - I'll even admit that at this exact moment, but I just can't keep going through this cycle of being friends with some one, and then them getting angry at me or me fucking some thing up - and them abandoning me as if I never meant a thing to them at all. I can't stand it, I can't deal with it. I'm better off alone.

* * *

I was sitting in the hall for five minutes, before pushing myself off of the ground and standing up. As I glanced at the gymnasium, I came to the conclusion that not one part of me wanted to be anywhere near there. Although, for some odd reason - I also didn't want to leave Degrassi. Some thing here was pulling me in.. I felt like I needed to be here.

I looked down the dark hallway - so dark, that it was basically pitch black. I began walking slowly; as my eyes narrowed on the darkness that I'd soon be walking in.

As I walked and walked - the music began to fade away and silence took over. I was capable of hearing my own breathing and hearing my shoes hit the floor as I walked. I could hear every movement I made. I slammed my back in to a locker as I stared forward - just staring. Not moving. Standing there in silence.

I suddenly heard high heels clicking against the hard floor. I didn't even move my head. I didn't care if it was a teacher, a friend, or a random student. I could care less. I refuse to give them any attention; no matter who it was.

But it was Clare.

She stopped walking right in front of me.

"Eli" She spoke my name; I could see the sympathy in her eyes as she stared at me. I could feel tears forming in my eyes - I was finally breaking. I was at my _boiling point_. "Talk" her voice softly managed to get out. I could tell she was speechless - at a loss for words.

"I need you, Clare" I told her. I didn't hold back the emotions. I needed her to know how much she meant to me; I hoped I meant as much to her.

She looked down at her shoes and back up at me - "You're so focused on proving your strength to every one, Eli" She told me "I can't be with you until you put all this Fitz and KC rivalry behind you" I became aggravated

"Why does it matter?" I questioned her "If you truly loved me, me hating on two guys who've picked on me all year wouldn't bother you. All _normal_ girls would stick up for their boyfriends and hate the two boys who have made my life a living hell" Clare took a small step back,

"Why do you need to do that? Why do you need to guilt every one and make them feel like dirt just for not doing what you want" She replied, "I've done so much for you Eli. I was there for you through every thing. I shouldn't even be here right now, I can't stand the way you act lately. You've changed"

"Don't say that" I yelled in frustration "I didn't change, Clare. I stuck up for myself"

"If this is the real Eli - then I don't know if I want to even be with you at all" I let a deep breath out,

I opened my mouth to speak when both me and Clare's eyes turned towards another person who was coming down the hall. As I squinted my eyes - trying to see who was approaching the two of us, it was finally clear - _Fitz_

I rolled my eyes "_Kill me_" I murmured under my breath - out of frustration for Fitz always needing to be there to ruin the day

"Saint Clare, are you sure being here with a _Murderer's Child_ is actually safe?" Fitz asked as he came closer.

"Fitz, stop" Clare spoke - I felt almost a sense of relief that Clare, in some way or another, stuck up for me.

"Here, I'll ask you another question" He said, reaching in to his pocket - "Do you think it's safe being around a guy with this?" He asked, slowly pulling some thing out of his pocket.

A knife?


	28. Chapter 26

Thank you guys for reviewing and continuing to read. I honestly appreciate it more then ANYTHING. (:  
I'm obsessed with Degrassi Now or Never. I love Eli's story line in this season. I really like how he's going to all lengths for Clare. Although, I do feel really bad for Imogen; she seems to like him a lot, and even though he doesn't mean it - he is continuing to sort of 'play' her. I'm kind of curious to see what's going to hapen next! (;

**Song Suggestion**: "Hotblack" by Oceanship

Chapter Twenty Six  
"It's A Mad Mad World"

My eyes widened, as my jaw un-tightened. I stared at the blade - the sharpness, the texture, every last detail of that blade was implanted in my mind. I didn't have a thought to think or an emotion to feel. Clare and I took tiny steps back and Fitz came near to us. He looked me straight in the eyes

"You don't know when to stop now, do you Eli?" He asked me, "Maybe you think this _'war'_ is all a game. But when lines are crossed and people truly get on my nerves - the game turns in to reality. And the only way to win - is to completely cut out your opponent" He said, smirking a devilish smirk afterwards, the smile quickly faded, I could see him looking straight in to my eyes - seeing the fear, "Is Eli scared of knifes? I wouldn't be surprised. Your father used a car, you're probably not used to _this type_ of violence"

"Fitz" Clare spoke his name, in a tone of voice that sounded as if she was broken - like she was barely holding it all together, "Hurting, killing - _whatever_ you're planning to do to Eli isn't going to make things better. It isn't going to solve anyt-"

Fitz interrupted - "Keep debating with me, Saint Clare - and maybe Eli won't be the only one receiving a sharp pain in his stomach" I roughly pushed Clare to the side - away from Fitz and me

"Eli" She said my name, as she backed away

"Clare - I'm not letting you get hurt because of me.. Just stay out of it" I told her - quickly putting my attention back on the man with the knife afterwards. I looked Fitz in the eyes, looked in to his evil dark eyes, "All of those things I've done - every thing I've said - every prank I pulled - every thing I've done since I've got to Degrassi has all been a show" I told him "You told every one about my past; you torchered me and made me feel like my father's mistakes were mine.. I had to fight back"

"See.. The problem with you, Eli" He came closer to me, so I began taking tiny steps backwards - "is that you tend to think that you're stronger and tougher then the people surrounding you. You tried sticking up to me, when every other person in this school knows just to back down" He added - "I'll finish off anything some one refuses to end themselves"

"Eli -_ go_" Clare demanded, attempting to talk me in to sprinting away. I didn't even look at her - not even the slightest glance, I continued staring at Fitz "Eli please" She begged. For some reason, she acted as if Fitz was giving me the option of leaving or staying.. He obviously wasn't

"Don't even try - Eli, I won't let it happen" Fitz stated, referring to me leaving,

"Fitz. I'm sorry"

"_I'm sorry_?" He basically laughed in my face "Sorry doesn't make up for all the drama you've caused since you came to Degrassi"

Fitz lifted the blade up to eye level - staring at it as if it was art. It amused him; the thought of that knife slowly and painfully entering my body was almost enjoyable to him it seemed.

"Maybe this is the right kind of payback. You slipped poison in to my drink - causing me to throw up for days" Fitz began "Maybe I should do some thing that will physically damage you, maybe even possibly result in death" He said, with laughter in his eyes. I could see his enjoyment and it sickened me

I felt tears building up in my eyes. I wasn't doubting Fitz's threat to stab me. I knew he had it in him and I knew he would do it. I had no idea what to say to get out of this.. There was no way

Fitz softly shoved me with one hand, causing me to take a couple steps backwards - he quickly walked the same amount of steps that I had, remaining close enough to injure me.. I felt a hard cement wall behind me - meaning I had no where to go, no where to run, no where to turn. I was at a dead end.. I was _dead_.

I could hear Clare's tears flowing out of her eyes, as she attempted to catch her breath. She claims she doesn't care about me.. So why is she crying?

"Fitz" I said his name, my voice was raspy; my eyes shined like glass from the tears that continuously fought to escape. I felt like I was choking, like some thing was stuck in my throat and I couldn't get it out.. I felt like I was already dead, even if I was un-wounded.. "Please don't do this"

Fitz lifted the knife, and my eyes shut so tightly - I didn't want to see him stab me, I didn't want to feel the pain

I quickly opened my eyes to see his arm swinging towards my stomach, with the knife in hand

"Fitz!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, as I heard Clare cry out, almost as if she was the one being stabbed. A moment of silence took over the room. Not one of us moved, we stood still. I looked down to my right to see the knife stuck in the wall, just inches away from me.

I slid down to the floor, and remained staring forward - speechless, emotionless

"I'm not like your dad, Eli" Fitz stated, referring to my father's so-called "_intentional murder_"

Fitz walked away and Clare fell to her knees right beside me. She tugged at my arm, attempting to grab my attention. To get me to speak. To get me to even look at her. But I refused to do any of those things. I stared forward as if I was in unbearable pain. I didn't want to speak to any one right now.

I was done.

"Eli" Clare's soft voice spoke, "Please talk to me" I shook my head referring to no - standing up and storming down the hall. I walked as fast as I could; each step I took - I pounded my foot on to the floor, attempting to take all my anger out on some thing rather then _some one_.

Clare caught up to me, and tried to keep up with me - but I continued to walk faster and faster. My fists were clenched, and my mouth was closed as tight as possible

"Eli" For some reason, Clare had this thought in her head that by her saying my name - it would calm me down and make me completely change emotions. But it didn't. For some reason, even the voice of the girl I would die for couldn't calm me down. Nothing could. I had pure hatred for every thing at this point.

I placed my hands on the glass doors of Degrassi and pushed as hard as I could - causing the doors to violently swing open, I reached the bottom of the front steps, when Clare tightly grasped my arm and forced me to stop walking and turn around to face her. I looked in her eyes, the blue eyes that resembled the cleanest glass - the tears that attempted to escape from her eyes, but she held them back

"What do you want Clare?" I asked aggressively, not being 'polite' or even thinking about how much she meant to me. I looked at her as if she was like all the others - evil tormentors, who have dedicated their lives to making mine a living Hell. Right now - Clare was just like the rest of them.

"Eli, _it's me_" I knew it was Clare.. But for some reason - I treated her like Fitz at this point..

"I don't give a fuck who it is!" I rudely yelled, Clare took my hands in to her's

"Calm down and just talk to me" She begged, I aggressively pulled my hands away from her's - not wanting any physical contact with any one right now.

"I don't need to talk to some one who doesn't care about me" I told her,

"What makes you think I don't care?" She asked, in confusion

"You said you didn't want to be with me! How much more clear could you of possibly made it? You hate me. Every one at this stupid school hates me" I told her "And there's only one way out" I began walking away, and Clare walked behind me

"What are you talking about? You're making no sense" I could hear fear in her voice, but I ignored it. I can't focus my entire life on other people's emotions. I'm basing it off of me for once; I reached Morty and opened the driver's seat door - Clare ran in front of me and slammed the door shut, putting her back against the door, making it impossible for me to open it

"Clare!" I screamed her name out of frustration. Clare seemed startled by how angry the tone of my voice was. She slowly stepped to the side, leaving me access to open the door. I opened the driver's seat door and slammed it shut, as hard as I possibly could. I turned the keys in the ignition and backed out aggressively - not even checking any mirrors or my surroundings. I put my foot on the brake for a moment and just stared Clare right in the eyes as she stood a couple feet away from the car

I rolled down the window - "I'm sorry" was the only thing I said before rolling my window up

And speeding away

* * *

**There's about two or three more chapters left!** (:


	29. Chapter 27

**Song Suggestion**: "Take It All Away" by Red

Chapter Twenty Seven  
"I'm Breaking, I Can't Do This On My Own"

I gripped the wheel ever so tightly. Acting as if the wheel was controlling my life, not just the car. I had unspoken words to say to every one at this point. I wanted to tell Fitz how much I hated him. I wanted to tell KC that I wanted our friendship back. I wanted to tell Clare that I'm in love with her, but I was so mad at her for leaving me. I wanted so many things, but what I had. I was unhappy with the life I was provided with. I hated all of it. Every last bit

I could feel my foot pressing down on the pedal too aggressively, I was over the speeding limit - but it didn't bother me. Crashing was the least of my worries at this point. I heard my phone vibrating; I grabbed it, pressed talk, and put it up to my ear. Clare's voice filled my ears -

"Where are you?" Clare questioned me

"Why do you care?" I rudely responded, "You never cared - I was just another_ boy-toy_ for you to mess with in high school. You stuck with me until things got _too rough_; then you left me"

"Eli, I left you because you scared me. You were acting like you were crazy"

"But you acted like you loved me just as much as I loved you"

"I did" I could hear the tears begin to fall out of her eyes, as her voice turned in to a raspy tone "You pushed me away"

"You never tried!"

"I did, every day! I based my entire life off of your happiness and your stability"

"Stop talking to me like I'm crazy!" I yelled, with so much anger in my voice, "I was stable - I wasn't _'losing my mind'_, I was protecting myself. I kept trying and trying to protect myself from Fitz, when all along.. I should've been protecting myself from you"

"You don't mean that" She sounded so heart-broken, "One minute you're in love with me, the next you hate my guts"

"You're messing with my head!" I yelled, "I can't take it Clare. I can't sit around and watch you associate yourself with Fitz and KC. I just can't"

"I'll stop - I won't talk to Fitz or KC" She told me "And me and you will have space to ourselves, we'll take a month or longer to clear our heads and figure things out"

"How 'bout I just figure things out for us now?" I pressed the pedal down so incredibly hard that Morty immediately took off speeding.

"Eli" Clare yelled my name "Eli!"

"I love you" I spoke those words to her, before closing my eyes - continuing to speed

As I felt the impact of the crash

* * *

-Clare's POV-

I paced back and forth. The white walls blinding me, as I could hear my shoes clicking step after step. The tears streamed down my face as if it was nothing. I couldn't stop crying, I'd been crying for hours. _Hours and hours_.

The clock struck 1:23 AM. I glanced around the room, for once recognizing my surroundings. I had failed to do so before - I was too distracted, too much in shock. I was too scared.

His parents were seated, holding hands -so tightly that their knuckles were white. Mrs. Goldsworthy cried tears after tears; Jack stared forward, with the blankest stare - as if he was too heartbroken to move.

Then there was me - I paced back and forth, I was shaking, my hair was in a mess of curls, my mascara drizzled down my face - I was broken. I've never had this empty of a feeling inside me before. I felt like some one had taken every thing out of me. I felt like I was nothing

I looked down at my phone, in order to check the time - 1:25 AM. Time passed fastly, but at the same time - it seemed as if it was taking forever. I wanted to hear the doctor's voice. I needed to be informed on Eli's condition. I needed Eli.

I've never realized how much he meant to me. I care more for him then I care for myself. I need him right now - I need him forever. He's the only person to ever truly care for me. I can't lose him

Suddenly, a woman approached us.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Harrison. You're the parents of Elijah Goldsworthy?" Immediately, Jack and Eli's mom stood up - awaiting to see the news the doctor had to share with us. My heart stopped

"I've been operating on your son all night" She continued to speak

And I listened

* * *

**The next chapter is the last chapter :(**


	30. Chapter 28

**Song Suggestion**: "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry

Final Chapter  
"Die Young"

**-Eli's POV-**

It's been a year since I died

In case you haven't solved it yet - this is the story of my death. I never made it out of that hospital that night. As much as the doctor's tried and tried - the amount of procedures they had done on me - nothing worked. I was not able to be fixed - I wasn't able to be saved.

I lost so many people. All my friends, all of my family. I wasn't able to take back the crash, I wasn't able to turn back the clock and stop myself from losing it completely. I tried and tried to come through - to come back to the doctor's, but as most people say - it was _'my time'_

Fitz transferred schools once I died - people began harrassing him the same way he harrassed me. Although, the only difference was - before, it was me vs. him. This time - it was the entire Degrassi school vs. him

To be completely honest, I wish people didn't bully him. I was in his position once and it didn't feel good - it actually drove me to the place where I am now. I'd much rather have Fitz learn his lesson from my death, rather than from the entire school attempting to do the same to him as he once did to me.

I can still hear Clare's voice, feel her touch, smell her perfume - I still remember every last thing about her. Every last word she said to me has stayed with me ever since I left

Clare took my death the worst

She has yet to move on - I was her last boyfriend, her last kiss, her last _every thing_. I wish I wasn't though. I love her more then anything, but I can't come back - I can't be with her again. I'd rather prefer that she didn't sit around and think of me, and that she actually moved on and became happy. Her blue eyes haven't shined the way they used to in a while.

**It's been a year**

365 days

Countless hours

Countless memories that I've missed because I let a stupid high school war get the best of me

I wish I could turn back time

I wish I could pull over Morty and not even think of crashing in to a cement wall.

I wish a lot of things

But above all of these wishes, above all of these dreams - I want one thing back the most -

Clare


	31. Final Author's Note

Deaaar everyone! (:

A lot of you guys seemed to have disliked the ending to this story. I know that happy endings are more enjoyable, then sad endings - I've always loved happy endings, but ever since I began this story - I've always planned on ending it with the death of Eli. I apologize that you guys didn't enjoy the way I ended the story, but I hope you guys will still like the story!  
Thank you all for reading and reviewing as much as you did. It truly meant a lot to me and I appreciate it more than anything! (:

-EclareObsession


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